Thoughts from a Hugger

My name is Erik Barnes and I am a hugger.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  I hug indiscriminately.  Relatives, women, men, kids, and sometimes strangers.  I hug.  It may not be macho, but it's me.

I like all kinds of hugs.  The open armed embrace.  The "bro-clasped-hands-pull-in" hug.  The old friend embrace complete with the three-pat "I'm-not-gay" on the back.  The tight, near-death clutch for when a person is depressed or leaving.  The tight "welcome back" hug.  The lovers' blanket.  I've done them all and they are all special.

Is this important to me or merely a preference?  After spending year in Florida, I've come to realize that hugs are not just important to me.  I need them.

In Ohio growing up, my parents spoiled me with them.  For every scraped knee, Christmas "thank you," hurt feeling, shared joy, crippling depression, or "just because" there was hug from both of them.  It also expanded to my friends.  Whenever dark secrets were told, embarrassing stories exposed, pains revealed, happy or sad tears are shed, or "come-here-you-big-lug" was uttered a hug wasn't too far behind.

But here?  I've noticed myself change, as we all do.  I found myself progressing and growing forward in positive directions, but still a little down a good chunk of the past year.  Last week, one of my new friends surprised me with a hug.  It felt...foreign.  I liked it and welcomed it, but I didn't have human contact like that in so long that it was as if it was the first time.

For me, hugs are necessary.  Obviously not make others uncomfortable or force it upon them, but they are necessary.  I guess a hug is like an anchor for me.  The person grabbing me is keeping me to the earth, preventing me from being drifted away  due to my nearly endless thoughts, concerns, ideas, anxieties, worries, and guilt.  The hug gives me pause, reflection, and lets me know that another person knows, understands, and wakes me from my murky gloom or adds to the joy I have.  This non-verbal gesture says more than any written tongue can express.  At least, that's why I hug other people and let others hug me.

People have their quirks.  I guess that's one of mine.

Barnes at the Movies: 007: Quantum of Solace

I have a heterosexual man-commitment towards James Bond.  I dabble with Jack Bauer.  I do flirt with the idea of John McClane.  However, my hetero-heart belongs to 007.  Therefore, whenever there is a Bond film, I am in the theater and I have great expectations.  While the franchise has had its ups and downs, they aren't bad films.  A bad Bond film usually beats a mediocre movie any day.  Quantum of Solace isn't a bad movie nor is it the worst Bond movie.  It was like a Bond girl:  fun for the time being, but ultimately forgettable.

Quantum of Solace is a direct sequel to the rebooted Casino Royale, with Daniel Craig returning as 007.  Bond, M (Judi Dench), and the rest of MI6 are trying to unfurl a secret criminal organization that is so well hidden that even members of MI6 are involved.  Bond is still angry and brooding over the loss of his love from the previous film, Vesper, and his mouth testifies "business" while his actions scream "vengeance."  While bodies lie in Bond's wake, there is the fear that he has gone rogue, with Bond investigating the true intentions of a non-profit environmental organization while being hunted by his employers.

Daniel Craig is a great Bond.  Time will tell if he will be the best, but I put him at #3 behind Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan for now.  While the point of the film was that Bond was trying to sequester his emotions to do his duty, I found that there were scenes in which Craig was too stone-faced.  Many scenes looked liked he was bored, not being cool or cold.  Judi Dench was great as the returning M and Jeffrey Wright was good returning as Bond's American ally, Felix Leiter.  The performances overall were pretty good.

The story, however, left me wanting.  I understand this is Bond's quest for revenge, but this wasn't a lot different than the Jason Bourne franchise.  One of the things that separates the Bond franchise from other films in the genre are the quiet moments.  Moments in which Bond is in a mind game with his opposition whether it'd be a card game, death trap, debate or whatever.  This movie had none of those quiet moments and if they did, they were so short that one can miss them.  The purpose of those moments is to appreciate the cerebral aspect of espionage and cleverness of Bond along with making the action scenes more memorable by spreading them out throughout the film.  

However, if you are going to do nonstop action, at least shoot it and edit it well.  The ideas behind the action scenes are pretty inventive (a gunfight on top of wiggly scaffolding?  Cool!), but I hated how it was put together.  There were many extreme close-ups, jump cuts, and shaky camerawork that it left the audience disoriented and confused.  

Is that Bond's hand reaching for the gun?  Was that the handbrake?  Which color was Bond's car again?  It left the audience thinking, "That was cool...what happened?"  I know that intent was to make the audience feel like they were in the moment with the character, but all it does is make the audience try to decipher what just occurred and while they do that, they don't pay attention to the next course of action which makes them think that they missed something cool which makes them aggravated.  Not that I'm nitpicking or venting.

That's not to say that I didn't like the movie.  It was worth my money and my time, assuming this movie was a necessary step to let the Bond character grow for the next film.  Bottom line:  Quantum of Solace is a mediocre James Bond movie, but an awesome Jason Bourne film.  I just hope that if a third Craig 007 movie is made that the camerawork would be less shaken and the plot more stirring. 

Random Prediction:  If they do decide to as "Q" as a character to the franchise reboot, I predict Simon Pegg will get the role.

Flashbacking

It was one of my better summers. I was about to head into the 7th grade while she was about to be a freshman in high school. I first got to know her while working on school newspaper the previous year, exchanging friendly "hellos," "how's it goin's," and "did you see Seinfeld last nights?" She laughed at that cartoons I drew, so that was good enough for me. I figured she'd just be one of those school friends, the kind you hang out with during 7:45AM-2:32PM Monday through Friday except in the months of June, July, and August. It would be an epiphany for both of us that she lived a few streets down from me and also went to the community center swimming pool.

On a hot day, we got reacquainted there. The days that followed, we swam about, hung out, and talked at the pool. She'd occasionally want to lay out in the sun. I'd sometimes join her, having the dry, prickly grass poke through towel and scratch my back. Who was I kidding? With my skin type, I was just inviting melanoma. At the time though, I wouldn't have it any other way.

She was tall and slender with skin that was a caramel bronze and smooth to touch. Her eyes were a striking hazel and she had a pearly, toothy grin. She had a goofy but contagious laugh, which would include an embarrassing snort. It was my goal to make her snort every time we crossed paths.

The rest of the summer consisted of splashing in the pool, wrestling around, and games of chicken with other kids. My cross country coach happened to be the lifeguard and would jokingly call our playing "PDA" just to embarrass me. It worked.

Unfortunately, she had to move away to another school. Parents divorcing and custody battles tend to screw good things up. During the oncoming school year, we'd call each other from time to time, venting on crappy relationships, family issues, and the like. The following summer, she came back for a time to stay with her dad on her old street and she wanted to catch up. Hmph, she decided to wear her glasses. I don't remember what activity we did. Honestly, I don't think it matters.

It was dark and we hung out on my porch. She needed to get home. I walked her. We continued to talk until we got to the front of her house. I gave her a long hug and palmed her head. Her soft, pitch black hair slid between my fingers. She then moved in and our mouths met. It came out of left field, but I liked it.

Okay, this is good, really good, so good, don't be weird, don't be weird, don't be weird, don't be weird, okay, okay, okay, her tongue is in your mouth so I think that means yours needs at least meet her halfway, that's too far, TOO FAR, DON'T CHOKE HER, BACK OFF, there you go, okay, it seems silly to leave it there, maybe I need to rotate it, clockwise?, counterclockwise?, freestyle it is then, aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnddddd we're done.

She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. She poked me in the belly, playfully teased me, and walked inside. My face was locked into a smile. We promised to stay in touch. As years passed, phone calls were less on both ends. After she graduated, she moved out of state to tour with her band and since I was still in high school, we ultimately lost touch. It's fine. It wouldn't of worked out well in the end anyway.

That's the story of my first kiss. I don't know why I blogged this nor do I think you'd care, but it might be an interesting story to read to kill time. I found it therapeutic to reminisce I guess. In any case, new movie reviews soon.

Barnes at the Movies: Zach and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri Make a Porno is film by cult favorite writer/director Kevin Smith of Clerks and Chasing Amy fame. After dabbling in various projects and revisiting old ground in Clerks 2, Smith weaned himself off familiar characters Jay and Silent Bob and the setting of New Jersey for frosty Pittsburgh and a new duo Zack (the now overexposed Seth Rogen) and Miri ("oh, yeah, that one girl from..."Elizabeth Banks). Zack and Miri are lifelong friends, first meeting in grade school, living together in a beat-up apartment. When financial duress and overdue bills pile up to the point that electricity and water are shut off, they search for methods to get rich quick before they become homeless. The solution? Make a porno and sell it to their old high school classmates from the alumni mailing list.

As expected from the title, the movie contains copious amounts of frontal nudity, backal nudity, upwards nudity, downwards nudity, and sideways nudity. Fortunately, no inside-out nudity or else it'd be rated NC-17...or be a PBS educational film. However with the all the nakedness and language that'd make R. Lee Ermey pee himself, there lies a sweet, complicated love story. As the moment comes when Zack and Miri have sex for the first time ever (on camera, no less), it becomes apparent that while they intended on "fucking for money" they ended up making love.

Rogen within most of his films seems to play the exact same character to the point of exhaustion. I cannot distinguish Zack from Dale Denton (Pineapple Express) or Ben Stone (Knocked Up) in any way aside from their names. That being said, Rogen does Zack justice being able to emote proper restrained anger and sadness when needed. The guy shows that he can act, but it always takes a back seat to him shooting off ab-libbed one liners.

Elizabeth Banks does a great job as Miri, a beautiful tomboy. She does well playing off the close, platonic friend (take it from me, it's a situation that I have great familiarity with), however she didn't win me over until one pivotal scene in which she hands Zack over on a silver platter to her porno co-star Stacey (Katie Morgan).

The real stand-out in the movie is Craig Robinson (Darryl from the warehouse in The Office). I don't know if it's because of his great comedic delivery or that he got better material than most of the cast, but he sticks out and it's not because he's the only black man in the film. As Delaney, he was able to both be comical and issue some grand knowledge on our young Zack.

Rounding out the main cast is current porn actress Katie Morgan as the dim Stacey and former porn icon Traci Lords as appropriately named Bubbles, along with Smith's mainstay actors Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes as Deacon and Lester. Nothing much to be said about the porn actresses since they are essentially playing themselves but dimmer. Nothing much said about Anderson since he's essentially playing Randal from Clerks as an amateur cameraman. Nothing much for Mewes since he's pretty much playing Jay from previous movies only without the long hair and weed references.

Smith himself has stated that he isn't much of cinematographer and nothing has really changed in that direction. However, he did rise to the occasion in two pivotal scenes: when Zack and Miri make love and when Miri hands Zack over with great close ups and pacing of the shots, but the actors' performances gave the shots a huge assist.

Overall, I enjoyed Z&M. As a comedy it falls short of big belly laughs resulting from typical "dick and fart jokes" Smith usually places in the dialogue of his films, but as a crude, off-beat romance it does very well for me. While if you were ask me to present a better comedy from Smith, I'd side with his much older works. Also, if you were to ask me to present a better romance from him, I'd suggest Chasing Amy. In the long run though, Zack and Miri Make a Porno is a good addition to Smith's filmography, due to the familar-to-us-but-usually-sugar-coated-in-movies relationship between the main characters, but falls short of being a stand-out in his body of work. So if you like Smith's past stuff and aren't bothered by naked people, check it out. If you are bothered by it, then you probably already made up your mind not to see it based on the title of the film alone.

Barnesharmonymatch.com.org.tv : President Andrew

Future President Andrew Stewart is a grand gentleman, full of gumption and drive. He is a dedicated conservative, serving the RNC and assisting the Bush administration. That is not to say that he is a blind follower, he creates his own opinions or reasons. Even if you do not agree with his viewpoint, any argument he makes is valid and educated. While usually a quiet man, he possesses a grand wit and is a great conversationalist once you get to know him. Karl Rove swore at him and President Bush gave him a pep talk. He has great ambition and puts full effort into everything he does. He's a fun guy and a handsome man at that. So if any female out there has any aspirations to become a First Lady in their lifetime, I guide you toward our future President Elect Andrew Stewart.

For Jenny Taylor

Jenny,
I haven't seen it, but by most reviews, Role Models looks to be a type of flick you would like. I liked Zack and Miri Make a Porno (check out a review later) but I'm not sure it's your cup of tea. Peace.

Junk Drawer/A Little Help

Hey all.
I wanted to write a blog today, but...I'm drawing a blank. I like doing the movie reviews, but I don't want to turn this blog into solely that. I just don't know what to write about aside from random thoughts, rants/lists. So ask you, my reading audience, please either via email or the comments section give me topics to write about or what you'd like my opinion on. I know that there are more people that read this blog than comment on it, so please stop being quiet about it and shoot me a response in some way. Even you don't have any suggestions, send me something to know if you are still reading this blog if for no reason than to have me acknowledge that you are still alive.
I await any and all feedback. Have a list of randomness:
- I miss MST3K.
- I can't wait until after the first 100 days of the Obama administration to see if the honeymoon period with the media is over.
- My job is making me bored, doesn't provide much, and doesn't allow much of a social life. Therefore, pray for all these things.
- I need a better creative outlet since many comedy clubs and open mics are closing up shop down here.
- Every time I see President Bush on TV talking, his mind is actually saying, "Two more months, two more months, two more months..."
- Every time I see a member of the news media or comedy circuit see/talk about Bush, their brains are actually saying, "Two more months, two more months, two more months..."
- A saw a commercial featuring a couple in their 60's getting married in a park. The product? Depends. That's when my brain exploded into macaroni salad within the serving bowl that is my skull. Which begs the question that I ask you, my readers, what brand of diaper would you wear to your wedding?
- I'd like to have a dog, but I don't have the money or the time to properly take care of it.
- So many people my age are having kids (on purpose!). I love kids, but in your 20's? Whatever works for you, I guess.
- I never realized how hard it is to find good wrestling fan friends. Many people who I run into are a) hard to converse with because they think it's real/are really drunks in disguise or b) hard to converse with because they pick apart the product to the point that they aren't enjoying themselves and it kills the mood. To give a more broader perspective, it's like finding a good film friend to watch good movies with: there are some who don't want to watch Citizen Kane because they are all about the Good Burger and then there those who believe if it isn't directed by Lars Von Trier then it is shit.

That's it for now. Peace.

Compartmentalizing my Mini-Vacation

I have a mini-vacation coming up due to that I need to use up my vacation days before the new year (they don't carry over) and I know that I won't be able to use them during sweeps and the holidays. I figured that I'd get some stuff done/fun during my four day weekend. In lieu of a day planner, I'll just use this blog space.

Saturday, October 25th
10:00am- Get free from work.
11:30am- Get last minute items.
12:30pm-4:00pm- Eat and nap.
4:00pm- 6:30pm- Last minute cleaning.
7:00pm- ?- Bru-ha-ha.

Sunday, October 26th
8:00am- Wake up in order to work out.
8:01am- "Who am I kidding?"
10:30am- Actually getting out of bed with the intention of working out.
10:35am- Realize that I need breakfast, cooking some, wolf it down, and realize that I need to wait an hour for digestion.
11:40am-2:30pm- Working out.
3:30pm- Reading comics, writing comedy, drinking coffee at a cafe.
4:30pm- Cross out any comedy ideas that I have second thoughts about, call my brothers.
5:45pm- Go to MovieStop and make an exchange for new (at least to me) movies.
7:30pm- Go to Hooters, ignore the hooligans, tolerate the food, being extra patient with the wait staff, and enjoying WWE Cyber Sunday while calling Cincy buds.
11:30pm- Arrive home and go to sleep.

Monday, October 27th
8:00am- Wake up and work out for real.
11:00am- Go to Coldstone and get a pint of a customized flavor and get some Yuengling beer.
11:30am-2:00pm- Cook and eat breakfast while writing my script.
2:00pm-4:00pm- Explore other opportunities.
4:00pm-5:00pm- Send a mass email update and email my anchor friend, Raoul.
5:00pm-8:00pm- Have dinner, watch Fox shows online that I missed from the night before.
9:00pm- Watch WWE RAW while taping Heroes.
11:08pm- Watch the taped Heroes.
12:00am- Download Wrestling Observer Radio and fall asleep listening to it.

Tuesday, October 28th
8:30am-11:30pm- Wake up, download Wrestling Observer Radio and the Bryan and Vinny Show onto my MP3 player, and work out.
11:30am-11:48am Go to Autozone and find out what's broken in my car (it takes 1-9 attempts to start it).
11:49am-12:00pm- Cuss and not get it fixed because I can't afford it.
12:30pm- Explore opportunities. Realize that they are still harping on the Last Comic Sitting contest at the Why Not Lounge and decide not to go this week because I wouldn't get on stage until probably 11:30pm.
2:30pm- 4:00pm- Write some of my script.
4:00pm- 4:29pm- Order a Papa John's Pizza with a side of bacon cheesy bread.
4:30pm- 11:59pm- Gorge on pizza, beer, and ice cream while having a Kurosawa one-two punch viewing of Seven Samurai and Yojimbo.
12:00am- Bed.

Wednesday, Oct. 29th
8:30am- 12:00pm- Breakfast and work out.
12:30pm-3:29pm- Make a lunch, get a book, get my comedy notebook, and go to Loch Haven park to read, write, eat, and meditate.
3:30pm-4:29pm- Head home to beat traffic.
4:30pm- ?- Nap, dinner, and putz around the internet before bed.

Thursday, Oct. 30th
3:15am- Get up and get back to work.

Barnes at the Movies: W.

"What'd you think?"
"I liked it."
"Me too."
"It didn't really bash Bush."
"I know, he was a goof at some points, but not a total moron. I'm pleasantly surprised."
"Actually, it made me feel sorry for the guy."

That exchange was between me and one of my co-worker friends (who is a hardcore Obama supporter) after we saw the film, W. I include this exchange because I think it best describes what the film's depiction of our 43rd president was all about. However, I believe that the film will still get flack from both sides of the party line. Many republicans will hate the film because they think the president was depicted as too much of a buffoon. Numerous democrats will criticize the film because they'll feel that the movie sympathizes with Bush too much and doesn't portray him as an evil idiot. In the film a young Laura Bush (Elizabeth Banks) tells W. (Josh Brolin) when they first meet that he's "a devil in a white hat." Not pure good. Not pure evil. Sounds like a human, doesn't it?

I was curious to see this movie because of three reasons. One, Oliver Stone's past conspiracy-laced films (JFK anyone?) intrigued me to see how biased he'd portray one of the most polarizing presidents in recent history. Two, with the correct makeup, Josh Brolin looked so much like W. that it creeps me out. And three, unless I am mistaken, this is the first film about a president being released while still being in office. Curiousity had beaten my wallet.

W. follows the adult life of our current president, George W. Bush, Jr., going from his college days to weeks after the "Mission Accomplished" speech on the aircraft carrier following the successful occupation of Iraq. The character of W. is toiling with what to do with his life while not getting the best grades and engaging in rowdy drinking. While struggling with his alcoholism, Jr. is trying to juggle the problems of trying to win the favor of George "Poppy" Bush, Sr. (James Cromwell), competing for parental affection with his more scholastic brother, Jeb, and trying to live up to the high standards that the Bush family clings to. We see George W. Bush struggle and grow from being "Junior" to "W." to "Mr. President."

The depiction of W. is a man of simple pleasures, simple desires, simple education, and poor speaking skills with big ambition, never back down attitude, and big faith. In any other family, this W. would be on the ranch during the day, drink beer all night, and fish on the weekends when not making time with the missus rather than be a politician. In fact, he'd be much happier that way. The crux of the film is that W. is a man that didn't know what he wanted as a young man, tried to live up to his family's idea of what success is rather than finding his own definition, and finding himself in over his head and unhappy when he rises to the top. All of this while trying to do what he thinks is the right thing and what God wants him to do.

The plot is about George W. Bush, the man. The Iraq conflict and 9/11 are referenced, but are backdrops not plot points. The snafus during the 2000 election aren't referenced at all. This movie is not focused on his politics. It focused on the man. That's why I liked it. It didn't preach loudly towards the right or left.

Josh Brolin does a fantastic job as the president and deserves an Oscar. His portrayal is dead-on in both delivery and even body movement. When W. is supposed to be charming and befuddled, he does it well without going into a cartoony-SNL-sketch comedy vein. When W. is supposed to be serious and smart, he pulls it off and makes it believable.

The rest of Bush's inner circle are portrayed very well. Jeffrey Wright's Colin Powell comes off looking like a hero and makes the audience wonder "why didn't he run for president." If there are any villains in this film it would arguably be Scott Glenn's Donald Rumsfeld, but definitely Richard Dreyfuss' Dick Cheney. In many scenes, Cheney is depicted as cold, manipulative and the little devil whispering in W.'s ear while the angel on W.'s other shoulder stutters.

The soundtrack and look of the film do it justice. Nothing dark and dreary, nothing goofy. It all fits the mood. There are parts in which we laugh at W. (remember when he choked on a pretzel?), but ultimately the audience will look at Bush as not an evil mastermind nor a great man. Not a pure idiot, not good stock from an affluent American family. Just a...human. This human just happens to be the president. The focus of the next generation is to surpass the previous ones, sons to surpass their fathers. This one did what he could to do that, but was ultimately unhappy.

So check out it. It won't share space on my DVD shelf once it leaves theaters, but it is good story. Fact? Debatable. Story? Definitely.

What? WHAT?

Really? I'm intrigued, but...really?

An Open Letter to Those Who Lead Contemporary Worship at Church

Dear Worship Leader(s),
Don't take this as an attack, but there are many things that you might be doing that throw off/put off people when they come to worship God. Here are a few notes, which may or may not apply to you:
1. Your mic does not need to be that loud. When you belt out the high notes you are drowning out everything else and (if you are female) you are killing my eardrums. Yahweh no longer requires blood sacrifices, especially trickling from human orifices.
2. WE are singing. WE. ALL OF US. You are privileged and given the awesome honor to lead all of us in praising God. We are not here to see your concert.
3. When you have a giant projection with the lyrics of the song on the wall it is totally unnecessary to quickly, verbally announce the upcoming verse before singing it while in song. Example: A-ma-zing grace, how-sweet-the-sound, how-swee-t the sound, that-saved-a-wretch, that say-ved a wretch, etc. We know how to read and it disrupts the flow.
4. It is unnecessary to stretch a four minute song to ten minutes. It's not just a time thing, but after repeating the same chorus over and over it turns from an intentional thought of praise to God into a mindless mantra we chant while wondering where to go out to eat after the service.
5. Stop playing U2 songs. I do like some of them, but they were never meant to be praise music. Either that or give equal time to other mainstream bands with spiritual material. I have a couple of metal/hard rock songs in mind if you want suggestions. Otherwise, lose them.
6. Does the male worship leader have to sing tenor? And play an acoustic guitar? Nothing against those guys personally, but it'd be less homogenized to see the baritone drummer or harmonica player take the lead sometime. I'd like to match notes with the guy, not feel like I'm trying to mimic Jack Johnson.
7. Don't be afraid of silence. Maybe tell the band that prayer time doesn't always need a soundtrack behind it.

Thank you for your consideration and correction. Or thank you for praying for my, probably according to some of you, "bitter and unenlightened soul."

Peace.

Random Thoughts Since 90% of My Blogs the Past Four Months Are Really Movie Reviews

- My new favorite debate show is Lewis Black's Root of All Evil.
- You will have to bribe me in order to go to the Holy Land Experience.
- I need to save money for a plane ticket to Japan.
- I need to save money for a plane ticket to California.
- I need to save money for a new computer.
- I need to save money.
- Or I need a better job.
- I need to investigate any Bible studies at my church.
- I need to attend services at my church.
- Fix the economy please.
- If I had the Hulk-like strength, I would powerbomb my car for all the frustration and wallet eating it has done the past month.
- I've never been so happy with politics then when Jim Lehrer forced both candidates to talk to each other as opposed to delivering speeches in front of each other like they did in the 2004 and 2000 debates.
- I said Sarah Palin looked like Tina Fey a two days before the press and SNL did.
- I need to finish my script.
- I never realized how disinterested I am in watching sports on TV.
- If I didn't have cable included with my regular rent, I wouldn't have it. I'd be able to watch all my shows on the internet...which oddly, is what I end up doing anyway.
- Every time I see President Bush on TV he looks like he is just repeating, "Only four more months to go, only four more months to go," in an endless cycle in his head.
- I wish I was back in Ohio just so I can register to vote and vote at the same time.
- I can't believe I just said, "I wish I was back in Ohio." *disclaimer- this excludes statements that have to do with visitation with family/friends.

Barnes at the Movies: Choke

Choke is a dark comedy based on the the novel by Chuck Palahniuk. Choke follows Victor (Sam Rockwell) a recovering sex addict that works at a colonial theme park. Victor's mother (Anjelica Huston) lives at a pricey hospital, suffering from Alzheimers, and in order to pay the bills Victor goes to fancy restaurants and intentionally chokes on the food in order to be rescued by a rich person and con them into giving him money. Victor's problems explode when he finds out that his mother has been keeping a secret regarding his birth.

Sam Rockwell does a great job as Victor. He's good at being the asshole that Victor is and yet is able to pull off the sincere, likeable moments of Victor. This man needs to be prominent in more movies and his rapport with critics is similar to Paul Giamatti's swooning of critical masses six years ago. He's going to get noticed by more people sooner or later. Huston is wonderful as Victor's loving, but disturbed mom. She does a great job making the audience love her, but make them frustrated with her parental choices...in fact, the audience feels the same way about her as Victor does.

Choke's cinematography and dialogue make it a great work of film art. The film's mood is funny and dark. It makes you laugh, but laugh uncomfortably. After laughing at certain moments in this film, I wondered if I wrote my own ticket to hell. The story is weird, twisted, yet surprisingly heartwarming. Don't get me wrong, if you are bothered by sexual content and the f-bomb, then stay away. Otherwise, check it out.

Barnes at the Movies: Tropic Thunder

I know that I'm over two months too late and most people have either seen this movie or gave it a pass, but you can check it out in the cheap-o theater (like I did) or on DVD in a couple months or so if you haven't seen it.

Tropic Thunder is a movie about the making of a movie. Ben Stiller plays an action movie star in the vein of Stallone/Ah-Nold whose career is floundering due to waning interest in the fourth installment of his action film franchise and a stinker performance as a mentally challenged boy in his last film. He is joined by an Australian, multi-Oscar winner (*cough* Russel Crowe *cough*) played by Robert Downey Jr., whose character undergoes a controversial surgery to turn his skin color from white to black for his upcoming role. They are joined by a drug addled, flatulence based comedian played by Jack Black that is definitely the imaginated love child of Chris Farley and Eddie Murphy. The three are cast in the Vietnam bio-pic, "Tropic Thunder," based upon a book by a 'Nam vet played by Nick Nolte. When the film is having trouble completing, it is decided that the movie be shot in thick jungles of Vietnam with hidden cameras. Hilarity ensues when the actors confuse a Vietnamese drug cartel as actors.

Tropic Thunder hits every note of what it is trying to spoof and satirize. There are many direct and subtle references to Vietnam war films like Platoon and Apocalypse Now in both dialogue and cinematography. The jokes are good and funny. The ha-ha's are not for everyone in that they are far from politically correct (Downey is in blackface after all and it does poke fun at the mentally challenged) and that there are buckets of blood and gore used for comedic effect. One out of every seven celebrities are in this movie, including a lot of people who probably wouldn't be involved in a comedy like this.

I enjoy Ben Stiller as a director and writer, but he essentially plays one of two characters in every movie. He is either an Nacissistic, healthnut idiot (Dodgeball, Zoolander) or a calm, nice, awkward fellow who later in the movie breaks into funny fits of rage (Meet the Parents, The Heartbreak Kid). In this movie, he's the former. It's a good performance, but I've seen it too many times. Jack Black is funny, but overshadowed by Stiller and Downey. He has great comedy potential, but he didn't seem to put a lot of effort into the performance. Downey stole the show with his great delivery, facials, and accents.

Tropic Thunder was the best comedy this summer, which isn't saying much for comedies in the summer of 2008. However, standing alone, the movie is a good, entertaining comedy that will provide good amounts of R-rated fun, but won't share space on the "Best Comedies" shelf alongside Dr. Strangelove, Young Frankenstein, and Airplane. Rent it when it's on DVD and get a few giggles.



However, in the movie's defense, it did make me hate Tom Cruise a little bit less.

Fall Films I'm Going to Watch

Appaloosa- Ed Harris and Aragorn from Lord of the Rings as cowboys? Sold. Renee Zellweger...well, I'm still gonna watch it.

Righteous Kill- The film might be fifteen years too late, I still want to see Al Pacino and Robert De Niro as two hardened NYC detectives.

Miracle at St. Anna- This seems to be a different Spike Lee joint as he tells the story about an all black American battalion trapped in a Tuscan village during WWII.

Choke- I loved the book by Chuck Paluhniak (the guy who wrote Fight Club) and the previews lead me to believe that this will be an entertaining, disturbing treat. I'm sure no one else in Florida would go see this film with me.

The Lucky Ones- Three strangers, all who happen to be US soldiers, are forced to share a rental car across the country as they resolve each of their personal missions.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist- A young man asks a stranger to pretend to be his girlfriend to feel less awkward around his ex-gf. However, when his faux girlfriend's drunken companion ends up missing, the two scramble across NYC to find her. Seems like a good date movie.

Religulous- Asshole comedian Bill Maher's documentary regarding faith in today's society. I'm intrigued to see if Maher has any good points to make or is just mocking people to feed his ego. It's directed by the same guy who did Borat, so I think it would end up being entertaining if nothing else.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People- Simon Pegg burns every bridge he's ever built while working for a New York magazine. Based upon the memoirs of a former writer for Vanity Fair.

RocknRolla- Guy Ritchie + Gerard Butler + British underground = Gonna Watch It.

W.- It's Oliver Stone, so I expect some conspiracy and mistruth thrown into the story, but I want to see his take on our 43rd president. Plus, in the posters Josh Brolin looks so much like Bush it's creepy.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno- Kevin Smith's newest flick looks to be crass, funny, but heartwarming in this story about two platonic, longtime friends who make a porno in order to solve their financial problems.

007: Quantum of Solace- It's a James Bond movie. Sold.

Transporter 3- Same stuff, different movie, will watch it anyway because I like Jason Statham.

Now, the movie I am looking forward to the most this fall:

The Wrestler- Finally, a movie featuring professional wrestling that isn't a comedy. Not only that IT DOESN'T PORTRAY WRESTLING AS A REAL SPORT! I'm sick of films either insulting the movie audience's intelligence by making the world of wrestling "real" or insulting fans of wrestling by portraying them in the movie as idiots who buy into the fantasy. Darren Aronofsky, the man that directed the most depressing (in a good way) film I have ever seen Requiem for a Dream wrote and directed a film about a fictional aging 80's wrestling icon, Randy "The Ram" Robinson (played by Sin City's Marv, Mickey Rourke) a beaten, broken has-been who once was a great wrestling champion now struggling to stay in the spotlight in the independent wrestling scene. As he continues to abuse his body for the art that he loves, he tries to make amends with his lesbian daughter while courting an aging stripper (Marissa Tomei). The movie has already won many accolades at the Toronto Film Festival and may influence many non-wrestling fans on what current pro-wrestling is and the problems the industry and its performers face. Rourke has mentioned on how he has spoken to Greg "The Hammer" Valentine as a reference to his character which seems to have a life that is a mix of Hulk Hogan and Jake "The Snake" Roberts with The Ultimate Warrior's physique. I hope this movie will spearhead a change the wrestling industry for the better, not by exploiting the dark underbelly of it, but shedding light on flaws that need to be addressed. I know that I'm gonna Fandango the tickets as soon it's released country wide.

Peace out.

Barnes at the Movies: Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading is the latest film from the Brothers Coen after their uber-successful No Country for Old Men and it goes back to the Coen's love of quirky, "wha-huh?" comedic storytelling than drama.

A CD containing the memoirs of a recently fired CIA agent fall into the hands of two air-headed gym employees. Hilarity and grand misunderstanding ensues.

Burn After Reading is a great dark comedy. Much of the plot and feeling of the film is like a previous Coen Bros.' favorite, Blood Simple, but with a more wacky and light filter to it. There are moments in which you need to look around you and ask yourself, "If I laugh at this, does it make me a bad person?"

John Malkovich angry is funnier than it should be. George Clooney and Brad Pitt are goofy as hell which is refreshing since they are casted against their usual type of "sexy-cool man." Tilda Swinton is more of the White Witch in this film than she was in Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Frances McDormand does a grand performance as our quirky, misguided personal trainer.

J.K. Simmons' role as the CIA big-wig is great in that he reacts to the film's story like many of the movie goers would. The plot in this film circles around and around. Like other Coen films such as The Big Lebowski, as soon as you think you have a handle on the plot you lose it.

Bottom line: if you know the Coens and like their other stuff, this should be up your alley. If you don't know, give it a shot. However, if you don't like being jolted around and prefer a standard, smooth story with a sense of closure then you probably should venture elsewhere.

Barnes at the Movies: Hamlet 2

Okay. I know this review is late, but it's because I did not feel like writing it. It's not worth it. Don't get me wrong, Hamlet 2 isn't the worst movie ever made. I don't think it's god awful. I feel that the movie is just like me writing this review...unnecessary.

Steve Coogan plays a failed actor turned drama teacher to a class full of street wise toughs. When he is informed that the theatre program is going to be cut due to costs, he writes and directs an unusual sequel to Hamlet that involves time travel, sex, and Jesus Christ with the class portraying the roles and doing the set design. After getting wind of the play's existence, it draws the ire of the public who threaten to shut the play down.

I'm not going to into individual performances because all the key actors are usually good, but seem to have been phoning it in this time around. Except for Elisabeth Shue who plays...well, Elisabeth Shue. The jokes are tired, tired, tired. I know that in Get Smart there were recycled gags from other films, but they at least put an original spin or tweak to make them their own. Hamlet 2 doesn't even try. The film's core audience are supposed to be shocked and appalled by the content, but the jokes seemed to be cut and pasted from various South Park scripts from three to five years ago.

Spoofing on Jesus has been done so much the past few years that even the most hardcore evangelicals don't even get annoyed by it anymore. It's not offensive because the line was already crossed to the point of being blurred away and it's not funny because we've already heard it before and better. It's like listening to that one douchebag at work do an entire Dane Cook comedy bit verbatim.

The pacing of the film was confusing. It seemed so slow, but the character development was WAY TOO FAST. It was like seeing an infant turn 34 years old within seconds while watching as a being outside of time. Much like Yahweh, "a day seems like a 1,000 years and a 1,000 years a day" when watching this movie.

That's enough. You get the point. Don't bother watching it. You've either already seen it or would be bored.

Don't Forget

Do something today to show your appreciation to the local police department, fire department, and your neighbor. NYC and everyone else needed all three elements to pick ourselves up after 9/11. Those relationships need to be nurtured. Hopefully for nothing like what happened that day, but we need to stand together. Peace.

Barnes at the Movies: Pineapple Express

I've been meaning to do this review for a while, but I was delayed due to a trip to Ohio, Tropical Storm Fay coverage here in Orlando, moving to a new apartment, and dealing with bullshit regarding my car and computers among other frustrations. But enough about me.

Pineapple Express is the latest comedy from the Apatow clan and is this summer's stoner comedy. Seth Rogen plays Dale Denton, a court-process clerk with a girlfriend still in high school and a strong affection for weed. Dale visits his dealer, Saul (James Franco), and purchases this new, exclusive bud called Pineapple Express. After the purchase and a little taste of it, Dale witnesses a cop killing by a drug lord and drops his roach en route to an escape. The drug lord (Bill Lumbergh himself, Gary Cole)picks up the joint and recognizes the weed being his exclusive Pineapple Express and goes on a hunt to get anyone with contact with the weed to kill off any potential witnesses.

Pineapple Express as a comedy is definitely not one of the best. A good stoner comedy is one that mainstream audiences can enjoy but potheads will appreciate more since they identify with the culture (I give you Half Baked as an example). This film is one that potheads would like, but those who don't pray to the Gods of Ganja will leave the theater with a slight "meh." The jokes are either not over-the-top enough to work or non-existent. The funniest part of the film is a long fight scene inside a California home and even I don't recall a distinctive part of it.

The mood of the film is confusing. It is a comedy, but there are so many scenes with gunfights and serious action that an average film goer might think they are watching outtakes from Bad Boys II. There is blood and serious drama so the movie has a hard time deciding what it's goal is. I assume that the serious, straight delivery was used in order to achieve comedic effect (think Airplane), but it goes too serious and thus no laughs achieved.

Seth Rogen is essentially playing the same character he was in Knocked Up, except without the audience rooting for him to grow up and be a man. This sucks because I think Rogen has the ability to do other characters but just chooses not to.

James Franco does a great job as Saul. While a dirty, dingy, dumb drug dealer (say that three times fast), the audience can enjoy his good-natured attitude and the love of his grandmother. Franco also does a good job of making the most of the mediocre material he was given. Since he is a pretty boy in most of the films he's been in, it's refreshing to see him cast against his type.

Gary Cole's character of Ted Jones, drug lord, was so underutilized that it's a crime. His screen time was minimal as was his love connection to a corrupt cop (Rosie Perez). I spent most of the movie wanting to know what they were doing while watching Rogen and Franco run around.

Technically the film looks good, but when watching a comedy everyone pays attention to the jokes and the story rather than the cinematography. As long as you don't make a scene too dark or overblown with light than you have done your job. They did their job here.

I guess with Pineapple Express, the verdict would be this: Seth Rogen has done better movies worth renting in the past and there are better pothead comedies worth renting as well. May I suggest Half Baked, Dazed and Confused, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and anything with Cheech and Chong in it. Pineapple Express is just like a night full of marijuana: an experience that no one will remember.

New Blog! From Me! Read It!

Along with this randomly-write-whatever-I-feel-like blog, I have started a new blog for people to read. It's called Pop Culture Religion and you can access it via the link on the side of this blog or at http://popculturereligion.blogspot.com/

Check it out. Have fun. More later this week.