Grand Canyon

When I visited the Grand Canyon, I found a quiet, unassuming spot to sit and stare at the earthly void. As I sat on a ledge under a tree, feet dangling over a cliff, I wrote down the following:


October 13, 2009

As I sit upon this rock a foot away from a long descent, tremors occur throughout my being.

The air is crisp, cool and nourishing. Clouds blot across the sky, unable to conceal the blue like a twin size blanket over a king size bed. The canyon itself is dangerously beautiful or beautifully dangerous depending on one's demeanor. The canyon's layers of red sand are fitting; displaying its age with a coat of rust or dried lifeblood of mother earth.

There is a quiet demand of respect gazing upon the ominous shadows of the clouds above onto the belly of the canyon. The trees are still until a whizzing car or cool breeze passes by causing the leaves to chatter. Birds enclosed in black float along the canyon like dark confetti in the wind. Truly, this indentation of the earth reminds man of how small he truly is in this mystic unforgiving world.

As the tremors ease in my body, I truly know what it means to gaze upon such beauty and respectfully fear it.

Destination Discovery and Delusion: Erik's Road Trip to California Days 3-5

October 12, 2009

I awoke at 5:15 AM Oklahoma time and it was pitch black and 48 degrees outside. After taking a couple stale donuts and drinking even staler coffee for breakfast, I hit the road at 6:30AM. It was dark. Incredibly dark. No lights save for my headlights and lights emitting from the semis around me. It was as if God had abandoned Oklahoma.

I thought that day was approaching. I was wrong. It was fog. The fog was dense and my visibility was shot. It was like driving through vanilla cake frosting. The sun finally appeared at 9:40AM. I was never so happy to see Texas steer in my entire life. Fittingly, the song Illumination by Rollins Band played as the sun rose.

Texas was a long haul and I had a lot more to go. I wanted to take this opportunity to visit with my friend Matt in Arizona in the evening. He offered me free food and sleep. I had to take him up on it, but I was in for a long commute for the day. With the morning rise, I enjoyed the sounds of the One Ups with songs like this and this.

The mix got a little eclectic. Morning of Magicians by the Flaming Lips and Dirt Off Your Shoulder by Jay Z lead the way, opening the path to Barracuda by the 5,6,7,8's and Future Sound by Jurassic 5. It culminated with Liar by Rollins Band, a song that has much resonance with me and reminded me of some phonies I've encounter, that we have all encountered, in the past. Reminds me of Florida... a lot.

Last post, I mentioned on how songs can remind you of certain periods of your life. Well, there are songs that remind me of people. Fully Alive by Flyleaf reminds me of a good person, a great friend, I have back in Florida. While my friend has never had pain like the person sung about in the song, she has/had spiritual, personal, and emotional troubles within recent years, yet her outlook on life and hope in her heart inspires and motivates me.

Another song, is Crush by the Dave Matthews Band. In high school, all of my friends were into DMB therefore his music invaded by ears, but it was a welcomed invasion. I was seeing this girl and this song reminds me of her. Specifically, it reminds me of one night in the fall in which sat and watched the stars on my friend's trampoline in his backyard. I remember the smell and touch of her long hair and how she nestled against me to keep warm. Reflecting and evaluating this memory, I drove on.

New Mexico is beautiful with rusty red cliffs and desert far and wide with numerous signs warning for falling rocks. By mid afternoon, my windshield was a harsh, impromptu graveyard for bugs.

Dusk settled and I was in Arizona. It became black quite quickly and I was fatigued. I only stopped three times for gas and nothing more. The drive was literally a roller coaster with my engine roaring to climb the hills and letting go of the gas and gliding down the highway during descent.

I finally arrived in Tempe and saw Matt. It was great to see him, being it had been two years since we've seen each other. He treated me to a burger joint called Chuck Box and I had the best burger I've had in years. It truly brought me closer to a bypass and was worth the 16 hour drive I made that day. After some visiting and catching up, I laid on the couch. I had to get up early to fully enjoy the Grand Canyon the next day.

October 13, 2009

I woke up and showered. Matt cooked a mean, artery clogging breakfast and after a fond farewell, I was back on the road... to a Jiffy Lube. Yeah, I had my oil changed before the trip, but with the detour I was dangerously close to the 3,000 mile mark. After having the heavily tattooed crew change my oil and rotate my tires, I was off.

The mix continued with Devil is a Loser by Lordi, Burn by Alkaline Trio, Killing Me Softly by the Fugees. After a few hours and 25 bucks for entry, I made it to the Grand Canyon. I drove along, paused, and took photos like any other tourist. Then I found a spot.

No one was really around and there was no barricade. I walked cautiously to a partially wooded area and sat on a rock near the edge of the cliff. I closed my eyes, feeling humbled by the sight. I took out my notebook and wrote. When/if I feel it to be appropriate, I'll type out what I wrote in my notebook in a later post in this blog. I wrote my piece, I prayed, and by then it was time to go.

While lyrically it makes no difference, I thought it appropriate that Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin was the first song played when I left the canyon. It got mellow for a time with some Thelonious Monk and Cold, picked up with Jimmie's Chicken Shack and Outkast, slowing it back down with some Norah Jones, and ending with Johnny Cash's cover of Rusty Cage.

I checked into a motel off of Route 66. I was still fatigued from the previous day's marathon of travel on top getting used to the new time zone, so I decided to relax for the remainder of the day. While I was pumping at the gas station, I asked the attendant where I can find some good local pizza. She pointed me to a shop down the block.

I was able to get two pizzas with two toppings each. I stared at the list of possible toppings and did a double take. Tuna? Cashews? Hmm... why not? I ordered a tuna with green peppers along with a pepperoni and cashews. As I put in the order with the cashier, one of the pizza chefs walked up to the front with wide eyes in my direction.

"Tuna?"

"Yep."

"I've never done this before."

"Don't look at me, man, you're the guys that made it an option on your menu."

He shrugged, smiled, and made my pizzas. For the record, it was pretty good. Not a favorite, but I'd have it again. I went to my hotel room, pigged out, put myself in a Diet Dr. Pepper coma, and slept.

October 14, 2009

Fate decided that first song that popped up at the beginning of my final leg of drive would be We Will Rock You by the immortal Queen. Thanks, Fate. You are nothing if not motivating.

After the last few days, I became sick of the road. My legs were getting cramps from my constant seated crouch position while in the car. My left leg is still having trouble staying straight even as I write this. The tunes were good with Give Thanks and Praises by the Bad Brains, I Am A Grocery Bag by They Might Be Giants, Ain't Misbehavin' by Fats Waller, and Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me by the sometimes overly preachy but super talented U2.

After stopping to get blood back in my legs and a decent meal in my belly, I pressed on and counted down the miles. I finally arrived. After stopping for coffee, I arrived to Brent and Mindy's apartment. I was thoroughly welcomed.

Now, after this adventure, there is a new one: finding a job, pursue and continue comedy, and achieve the path that is set for me. I humbly ask for thoughts, assistance, support, and prayer on this journey as much as you have for this drive. This move to California was not possible because of anything I did or have earned. It was possible through God speaking and asking others to stick their necks out for me; the drive was possible due to good people believing in me, my motivation, my talent, and my drive. Those people know who they are and I thank them; knowing and praying their investment in me shall not be in vain. I also want to thank all who read this, because it tells me that you care and are curious. I hope that this move results in a testament to all to follow their passions, follow what drives them, and do whatever it is that God has built them to do and feel. Prayers are encouraged for the true adventure is beginning. God bless and good journey to you all.

Destination Discovery and Delusion: Erik's Road Trip to California Days 1 & 2

October 10, 2009

I awoke on the couch at Jenny and Jeff's apartment well rested for the first time in days. It's odd considering I was leaving everything I found familiar. But familiarity doesn't necessarily mean good. Orlando, with the exception of a few people, became familiar to me; I became adapted to it. However, just because a person becomes familiar and adaptable to arthritis doesn't mean they like it.

I loaded up the car and did some reading. Jenny wanted to send me off and I wanted to oblige her, so I waited for her to come back from her coaching session. She returned with a mini photo album with pictures of good people from a bad experience along with a card with a note inside. I told her that I would read the note at my first stop. I would later find that the words and encouragement were better fuel for my trip than any gasoline or food I would come across. We hugged, said goodbye, and I took off at 10:30 A.M.

I decided to listen to a Batman audio book that I hadn't listened to since my last big drive from Cincinnati to Orlando. I remembered why. The acting was terrible. The Joker, Riddler, and Mad Hatter had almost exactly the same kooky voice. Batman sounded like if Clint Eastwood was doing a bad impression of himself. Chagrined, I listened to the whole 3 plus hour performance. Then I listened to old podcasts of the Bryan and Vinny Show.

As I traveled along the coast, I felt like I was going nowhere being that I was technically still in Florida after a few hours but if I were to look to my right I could see Alabama. The coast wasn't kind weather wise with sporadic rain. On the plus side, I gained an hour due to switching time zones.

I parked it for the night at a Red Carpet Inn outside of New Orleans. They really did roll out the red carpet for me, but the problem was the red carpet had soda stains, skid marks from when the dog had worms, and cigarette burns. I stopped over at a Waffle House for dinner before bed. The waitresses fit every stereotypical greasy spoon waitresses. Two plump, older women with dry, damaged long hair scurried around the place refilling drinks for "shugah" or "dahrlin." I was served by a young teenage girl with a face devoured in freckles. Her name badge said her name was "Cornbread." I left her a good tip.

With a belly full of possible regret, I went back to the hotel to write emails and sleep.

October 11, 2009

I woke up, had a cold shower due to no hot water, crappy continental breakfast and I was back on the road at 7:30 A.M. My goal was to drive 1,000 miles before I stopped for the day. To spoil the ending, I was 150 miles short.

I put the iPod on shuffle and Paranoid Android by Radiohead was the first song. It was fitting due to the mellow start crescendo-ing into loud riffs and electric overload. It was like my demeanor, calm yet ready to blow into action. Can't Buy Me Love by the Beatles came on as the rain started to pour. The tunes started to fit the weather when Sober by Tool came on.

A couple songs later, King Without a Crown by Matisyahu popped on. I've listened to that song at least twice a month since 2005 and it still raises the hairs on my arms and neck. My skin shivers and my throat chokes. Everyone has at least one song that they not only never get sick of, but turns into an anthem for their life. This song is mine. I replayed it twice.

While there are songs that become anthems for life, other songs jump start memories and feelings during periods in your life. The Suffering by Coheed and Cambria played and is one of those songs. It reminds me of my struggles within the past two years in Orlando, in my personal and professional life. It was during that time that I heard that song and it will always remind me of that time in my life. That's when I decided to take heed to the Beatles' advice and Let It Be.

Going from 94 degrees yesterday to 51 degrees today, along with sunny to pitch black evening, took a lot out of me so I stopped at Norman, OK. Fortunately, Norman is the home of J.R.'s Family BBQ. Jim Ross or "Good Ol' J.R." has been the voice of professional wrestling as an announcer for over 20 years and is widely respected among fans and wrestlers alike. He also happens to be a BBQ guru. After trying his brisket and pulled pork, he is as good at cooking as he is at calling matches. After a few photos of memorabilia and buying some of his patented BBQ Sauce and Chipotle Ketchup, I crashed at a Super 8 for the night.

Next is Arizona and a reunion with an old friend.

If I Made These Comic Book Movies

Comic book based films are becoming the norm in Hollywood and as a fan of movies and comics, I have (like every one who has a throat) have my opinions. Ryan Reynolds has been cast as Hal Jordan for the soon to be filmed Green Lantern motion picture. I am biased in that I am not a fan of Reynolds, but even if I was I would not cast him in this role. Hal is determined, fearless, thirsts for justice, and has a little swagger. Reynolds has only displayed a "what would happen if Van Wilder was a _____" in terms of acting. I don't know if he could pull off a non-wise cracking character since that is all he has played (typecasting maybe?). However, it got me to think who I would pick for Green Lantern and other comic book films. I'm focusing on DC comics since Marvel movies are pretty much decided on most of their casting. Here's who I'd pick to portray certain heroes in either the character's title movie, side superhero characters, or a Justice League type film. I'm focusing on the "heroes" so no side characters (i.e. Jimmy Olsen) or love interests (i.e. Lois Lane) and characters that haven't been on film recently (so no Batman or Superman re-casting):

Green Lantern
Hal Jordan- Guy Pearce
Kilowog- Michael Clarke Duncan (voice)
John Stewart- Terrence Howard
Guy Gardner- Jason Statham
Kyle Rayner- Zachary Levi
Guardians- Anthony Hopkins in multiple roles
G'nort- Zach Galifianakis
Arisa- Elizabeth Banks
Boodikka- Liv Tyler
Sinestro- Zachary Quinto

Flash
Barry Allen- Matt Damon
Wally West- Michael Rosenbaum (hey, it worked in the cartoon)
Bart Allen- Unknown kid actor

Plastic Man
Eel O'Brien- Jim Carrey

Batman Villains
Catwoman- Kate Beckinsale
Harley Quinn- Isla Fisher
Riddler- Johnny Depp
Bane- Vin Diesel
Poison Ivy- Laura Prepon
Penguin- Phillip Seymour Hoffman
The Mad Hatter- Paul Giamatti
Mr. Freeze- Crispin Glover

Atom
Ray Palmer- Adrian Pasdar

Martian Manhunter
Jonn Jonzz- Edward Norton

Darkseid
Ron Perlman

Aquaman
Arthur Curry- Chris Pine

Blue Beetle
Ted Kord- Ed Helms

Booster Gold
Michael Jon Carter- Bradley Cooper

Wonder Woman
Diana Prince- Anne Hathaway

Power Girl
Karen Starr- Charlize Theron

Green Arrow
Oliver Queen- Ewan McGregor

Black Canary
Dinah Lance- Jessica Biel

Watchmen Documentary

Hello all. I helped my buddy make a documentary on the Watchmen graphic novel. He did a great job, so if you have some time to kill (each part, except for part six is almost 20 minutes long) check it out:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

List of Random Stuff I Like That Others Might Like But Don't Put On A List Entitled "Things I Like"

I gotta ride through a fat tsunami wave of frustration and depression and since I don't have any friends here to provide a distraction, I thought I'd make a list of random stuff/activities/attributes that I enjoy/like:
- Hard rock adaptations of video game music like this or this.
- The rush and relief that comes to your feet when you take off your shoes after a long day.
- The grittiness of "old fashioned" styled peanut butter.
- Humming, imitating guitar riffs with your mouth, or drumming a desk with a pen to a song in your head and someone else recognizing the tune and joining in. The original "Rock Band."
- Instruction manuals that have pictures of every single step, everything clearly labeled, leaving nothing to assumption.
- Kissing a loved one on the forehead.
- Prompt responses, even when the answer is "no."
- Dusty Rhodes talking.
- Smell of women's hair.

- The soreness after a good workout.

- The instant rush of cold from throat to fingers that you get when chugging a beer after being out in the hot sun for hours.

- The sterility of my mouth after using Listerine.

- HBO miniseries based on history (Band of Brothers, John Adams, etc.)

- Having Marmaduke explained to me.

- Random Transformers or He-Man references in any conversation.

- All State Insurance commercials featuring Dennis Haysbert.

- The touch of a lady caressing my back with her fingernails.

- Pretending to be a ninja with little kids.

- Seeing what Alien and Predator are up to.

- Smell of old leather.

- The touch of fleece.

- Listening to a song on the radio that you know but have never heard being played on the radio before.

- The saxophone solo of a jazz or bebop song.

- Getting licked on the face by a dog.

- People who snort when they laugh.

- Having exact change.

- Praying while walking in the park.

- People watch and write at a busy restaurant or park.

- Garfield minus Garfield

- Inventing new pizzas (Chili Dog Pizza and the upcoming experiments Mini-Corndog Pizza and Pizza Roll Pizza or as I like to call it "The Redundancy").

- Writing pointless lists like this one.

- Having someone share their secret with you.

- Shaking hands of men who have awesome mustaches. Yes, I've actually done it.

- Listening, watching, and smelling a bonfire in pitch black night.

- The sound of sizzling meat on the grill.

- Reading philosophy.

- Studying the history of wrestling both regular and "professional."

- The way my mouth waters when I taste a great BBQ sauce.

- The way some MMA fighters walk up to each other after a fight for a post-match "man-hug."

- Thinking of Muppet versions of movies they have no business being in (Scarface, The Graduate, etc.).

- Killing time on Facebook or Cracked.com.

- Finding a grocery cart that has four fully functioning wheels.

- Sharing and talking about comics with total strangers at a bookstore.

- The rush to the head after a big sneeze.

- Inserting sound effects into everyday life.

- Dancing at a wedding reception with an open bar.

- William Shatner's Spoken Word Performances

- William Shatner doing... well, anything.

- Watching movies with subtitles even though the spoken language is still English.

- Picking up a bad movie, gather some friends, and do our own Mystery Science Theater 3000 with it.

- Episodes of any TV show that feature alternate universe or "Bizarro" versions of the regular characters.

I guess that's all I can think of for now. I'll share/think of more when I get steamed up again. Hopefully, I won't have to make another one for a while.

Word of the Month

So... this month:
1. My car was given 6 months to live just two weeks after paying over $800 to get a part replaced. Thanks, rusted frame.
2. My professional contacts in Los Angeles haven't returned my emails and phone calls, not even to say "sorry kid, I can't." If you don't want to help, then don't offer it. Just give me an eff you email and I'll stop wasting your time and mine.
3. In order to purchase another car (not even a decent one), I have to sell most of my stuff, including important stuff like things I sleep on and things I use to connect with the world around me.
4. Two more people quit their jobs at work without notice leaving the rest of us to carry an even bigger load.
5. My work schedule has been altered yet again, fluxing my sleep schedule yet again. I just want six months of a sleep routine so my body can handle it.
6. I am 26 years old and the only friends here I have are from work, with only one really close one. I don't hang out with anybody due to time, money, and odd schedule.
7. I got offers for the things I've sold, but EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM either a) backed out less than a hour before we were scheduled to meet for business or b) tried to screw me with an obviously see-through internet scheme.
8. I still haven't found great fellowship; the pastor at the church I go to can sympathize with struggle but clearly doesn't know from experience. When you talk about how the economy is forcing the church to cut important staff on an elaborately decorated stage with lighting equipment and sound equipment that could generate enough cash to pay off my student loans, you really need to check your priorities.
9. I've had stomach issues for over a week, mild insomnia, and have a haphazard diet/eating schedule ranging from a meal a day to three meals a day to two meals to forgetting to eat period.

I know everyone now has troubles, many worse than mine. It's just that personally, professionally, socially, and physically I have been... what's the right word? Ah! I know the word! Take it way, Ray Romano and Grover!


Side note: If you are bored and like Spiderman, check out this blog. The guy wants to read every Spiderman comic ever and write an essay about each one. Noble effort.

California

Day 1

As I looked out the plane window, I learned that baseball is America's undisputed pastime. Hands down. My proof? There was a baseball diamond every inch and a half from the perspective of my window. I landed from my 5 hour flight (turned 3 hour due to the time zone change) at LAX just in time to experience rush hour traffic. It was bad, but nothing I hadn't experienced in Cincinnati or Orlando. The worst part of it was desperately trying to find a good radio station. I finally found KROQ and a smooth jazz station. I heard the song "Sex on Fire" by the Kings of Leon at least three times driving to my friend's apartment in Van Nuys. The song would become my unofficial anthem of the trip because I heard it every time I stepped into a car.

I arrived to my friend Carly's home. Carly is a friend of mine that moved to LA from Orlando. She and I both worked at the TV station in Orlando. Carly is a tiny punk girl, loaded with tattoos and smiles. She is very energetic and adventurous, which is what I needed to feed off of due to my jet lag. After some catching up at In N' Out Burger, we relaxed at her home. I had to get a good night's rest for my interview the next day.

Day 2

I got dressed up in a suit and tie. I looked good but I hate wearing that stuff. It makes me feel like I'm working for the mob. Carly drove me over to Paramount Studios for an interview with her former boss, a producer at the Dr. Phil Show. After some exploring, I sat down with the producer and she seemed to like my resume, my attitude, and well, me. She said that currently they can't hire anyone because the show was about to go on summer hiatus, but that there might be openings in other departments. If not, then there would probably be openings after the hiatus in late July/early August.

What I thought would be a twenty minute interview turned into five hours with a lunch break in between. The producer introduced me to two other producers, a field producer, and two videographers. I was bombarded with the same simple on surface, deep when you analyze them questions. My mouth was continually dry, my faced ached in order to keep a friendly expression, my feet hurt because I was running around in dress shoes, and neck felt like a geriatric woman was trying to choke me due to the tie. It was good and I made some solid contacts. I hope and pray that they can lead me to a new job.

After all that and observing a Dr. Phil taping (which ironically covered job searching), Carly and I went to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I saw many stars' stars on the sidewalk, but after I saw Don Knotts' star, I needn't have bothered to look down at the ground any further. I stood outside Mann's Chinese Theater and looked at the footprints of various actors including Darth Vader, C-3PO, and R2D2. Spiderman was there taking photos for a few bucks. He had a fanny pack because Peter Parker didn't think to put pockets on his costume for his keys and cell phone. I also saw Zorro... if Zorro was obese and African-American.

We then went back to Carly's home and relaxed a bit. It was a productive day, but an exhausting one. The jet lag and constant stress of making a good impression took a lot out of me. Afterward, I met with some Carly's friends at their apartment to participate in their weekly "LOST" night. I don't watch that show, so the title was very appropriate for the occasion.

Day 3

I still hadn't fully recovered from the flight physically and mentally I was exhausted from doing essentially a five hour interview. I slept in and slept hard. I needed to relax and be on my "A" game. After putzing around for a while, I immediately sent emails and phone calls to my contacts, desperately trying to get them to contact a third party that might be in need of my services. Unfortunately, my contact's contact was out of town. Passover. I'm still trying to get in touch with them at the time of this writing.

I treated Carly to dinner and then we went over to her improv class. It was being held at a large house with a big open area. The class is run by group called Monkey Butler, who holds various improv and stand-up comedy classes throughout the area free of charge. There were about 30 people attending, much larger than I expected. We did some warm-up excersises and finally got to doing "freeze."

Freeze is a game in which we all stand in a circle while two performers act out a scene. When inspiration strikes, a person yells, "Freeze!" and the two performers lock themselves in whatever position they are currently in. The person who yelled out then has to tag one of the performers out, position themselves in the pose the person they tagged was in, and start a new scene from those poses. I had fun and I got some laughs from the group. When the instructor asked the class to return to their seats, he asked me in front of everyone if I had done improv before.

"Not really, no."

"You really have a natural ability."

The class stared at me. I appreciated the compliment, but I just sunk in my chair. I love getting laughs, but I usually am uncomfortable being the center of attention. Carly would later tell me that the instructor never had praised anyone in front of the whole class before. I felt good. Nervous and shy, but good.

When we were dismissed, a bunch of the students walked up to me and introduced themselves.

"What's your name again?"

"You're from Florida? I'm from Florida!"

"Did you just move here?"

"When are you moving here?"

"Looking for work? My buddy is head bouncer over at..."

"We need a few big guys at..."

"I can get you a waiting job at the Comedy Store and you'd get some stage time."

They were all very nice and for the first time in a long time, I felt welcomed into a community. At the end, there was a group prayer for those who wanted to join in. I did. The guy who teaches stand-up prayed that things worked out so I can move to the area. After the prayer, he told me to contact him and he'd be able to get me some stage time at some small but hot rooms.

The instructor told the class that there was a free improv "cage match" at a club on Hollywood Blvd. The instructor's improv troop was scheduled to face the winner the next week, so they wanted to scope out the competition. Carly and I attended the show.

An improv cage match is quite simple. Two improv troops each have twenty minutes of freestyle improv. After both groups have performed, the audience votes for their favorite of the two troops. Winners continues next week. Losers walks.

The champion troop was so creative, innovative, and worked fairly clean to the point that I forgot that their troop's name was Freedom Snatch. They obliterated the other improv troop. Not that the challengers weren't amusing, but they merely maimed the audience while Freedom Snatch killed. Freedom Snatch won yet again for the unprecedented 33rd week in a row.

After some further conversation and email exchanges with the Monkey Butler folk, we headed back to the apartment. I had to get up early, get suited up again, and drive to companies to cold call and toss my resume to whomever owned eyes.

Day 4

It was Good Friday, but not good Friday. In observance of Good Friday, I fast. This Good Friday was no different, except that I usually am not this active on Good Friday. Needless to say, I had a pounding "FEED ME!" headache that lasted all day.

After showering and getting my suit on, I drove around LA to various studios and production companies in the area. Some places accepted my resume, but I assumed they just threw it away when I left. Some places I just left it with a receptionist. Some places I was stopped cold at the security gate. Some places I would drive to and it'd be some apartment building or house. I didn't even bother with those. If they can't afford a proper office, then they probably can't afford any employees.

I got back in the early afternoon, meeting up with Carly. I decided to treat the two of us to a movie over at the famous Arclight theater. It was quite large. We went and saw Observe and Report, the Seth Rogen mall cop film. While it had some funny scenes and Rogen was playing a slightly different character than "I'm a stoner that needs to face up to my responsibility" type that he's been given, I'd say pass on it.

Carly and I then met up with a friend of hers (a potential boyfriend) for pool. Carly kept asking me for my input regarding him and his motives. The guy was just as small as Carly is and with me being a big guy, he tried to make a good impression on me. He was trying to win me over by buying me drinks. It got to a point in which I think his goal was win me over instead of Carly. It worked. I gave him a thumbs up for Carly.

We had a great time shooting pool because we all equally sucked at the game. One game took probably almost an hour. Mind you we are three people, each with only five balls we to sink in for the win. It was pathetic, but a good time was had.

It was getting close to midnight and my head was killing me from lack of food. Stomach, too. We found a late night pizza joint and I pigged out while the other two tossed back a few. We head over to Carly's to watch a movie. I was tired and I knew they wanted some alone time, so I graciously left to get some sleep.

Day 5

I woke up late and putzed for a few hours. Carly was at work so I had the apartment to myself. After downloading "Sex on Fire" on my laptop since it was in my head, I heard it everywhere on the radio, and I liked it, I drove out over to Griffith Park with some In N' Out burgers.

The park was large and busy. Kids running around, birthday parties, cookouts, frisbees, touch football, merry go rounds, hustlers selling bootleg DVD's, and couples lying out on blankets holding each other with their jackets draped over their faces to hide the obvious. I found a good spot under a tree to read, meditate, pray, and eat hamburgers. After a couple of meaningful phone calls, I lied underneath the trees and looked at the sky. It'd been too long since I've been to a park.

After I had my fill with nature, I drove back to Sherman Oaks and walked around the busy streets filled with various shops and restaurants. I did little window shopping and got a couple books for the flight home, but it was nice to have a little bit of nature atmosphere and city atmosphere within one day. The whole thing reminded me of living in Athens in which I could walk around the town into various shops and then spend some time reading on a bench in one of the many green spots.

My evening was rather low-key. Carly and I were invited to a party hosted by a tattoo artist. While I do enjoy a rowdy time, I was still in a state of calm and didn't wish to disrupt it. I told Carly to go to the party and I hung out alone with my thoughts.

Day 6

My Easter and final full day in LA was restful. I woke up, read scripture, and ate eggs and Eggos until I was about to burst. Later in the day, Carly took me over to Venice Beach where masses of people were walking along with boardwalk. There were numerous artists displaying their paintings, jewelry, sculptures, and various metalwork sculptures. Street performers juggled, walked on stilts, or jumped on glass with their bare feet. Vendors shilled t-shirts, overpriced pizza, hotdogs, and ice cream. Panhandlers roamed for streets begging not for money, but for pot.

After gazing upon the busy marketplace of art, commerce, and ideals, we walked on the beach past muscle beach. No beefcake today on account of the Easter holiday. Trudging along on the beach in our shoes, we passed many rollerbladers, bicyclists, hacky-sackers, and frisbee throwing free-spirits.

I approached the Pacific Ocean and placed my hand in the water. This was the first time I had ever seen it. The sun's light bounced off the sea onto my face. Numerous writers state that gazing upon ocean humbles you and makes you think that it goes on forever. I always found that statement to be cliche. It's cliche because it's true.

Afterward, we went back to Carly's apartment. While she went to a meeting, I relaxed. She and her boy interest came over for Chinese food and a viewing of Run, Lola, Run. We have all seen the movie before so there was much talking over it and laughter. I conked out early. I had to be up at 5 AM for the flight home.

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So that was trip to LA. I hope to be resident there fairly soon. With prayer, guidance, and the right people in my corner, it'll be a reality fairly shortly.

Barnes at the Movies: Watchmen

Barnes' Journal

March 6, 2009

Woke up feeling like a dog carcass that had a burst stomach. The movie theater is afraid of me. I have seen too many films. The seat aisles are extended gutters and the gutters are filled with spilt soda and dropped popcorn and when aisle is filled up, all the ushers will drown. The accumulated time, effort, drama, hype, controversy,and intrigue put into this film along with the sex, murder and fights will foam up to the director's and actors' waists. Through the movie they will shout, "Watch us!" ... and I'll look up, and whisper, "Gladly."

Watchmen is a movie that is not without controversy. The comic book (or graphic novel, if you want to sound snooty about it) came out in the 1980's and has been bandied about from studio to studio, director to director, and collecting dust in Hollywood for years. When notable director Terry Gilliam asked Watchmen author, Alan Moore, how to shoot it into a film back in the '80's, Moore bluntly and honestly answered, "I wouldn't." The trouble with merely shooting a deep, layered story was compounded with litigation regarding the movie rights to the material. Now after over 20 years, the dubbed "unfilmable" piece has been shot and ready for review.

Watchmen takes place in a dystopian 1985. Nixon is still President (he had multiple terms since the two term amendment was repealed), the formerly common sight of costumed vigilantes is cracked down by the government, and the world is on the brink of a nuclear holocaust due to the tensions between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. When a former colleague is murdered, the crazed masked vigilante Rorschach is trying to uncover who is behind the killing and the defamation of former heroes. However, there may be more to this mystery than just mere murder.

Like I do with other "based on" movies, I am going to look at the film on its own and not try not to compare it to the book. Alan Moore, who wants nothing to do with movie, would appreciate that. I will say that while the ending is different in the movie than in the written work, the meanings, aftermath, and character depictions/motivations remain intact. Picture ordering two cheeseburgers. Both have the same toppings with lettuce, tomato, onions, etc. Now imagine having ketchup on one burger and mustard on the other. That's the amount of difference between both works.

Zack Snyder, the man who did the gorgeous and gory 300, shot a beautiful looking film. The colors and CGI fit the tone and the environment. The costumes from the various periods of time (the film jumps from the '40's to '60's to '80's) were well done. Snyder's greatest strength is his ability to make anything ugly look beautiful and anything beautiful look more beautiful.

The acting was really well done. Each of the six main actors were able to flesh out their characters and provide lasting distinctions without falling prey to one dimension. The dialogue is 90% from the book which will make fanboys happy and serves credit to the original author, Moore.

Matthew Goode was the weakest performer as Ozymandias and based on the rest of the acting, that is hardly a knock. I don't really fault it to Goode too much because certain aspects of his character's personality were omitted from the script. He remains rather archetypical until the end of the film, but by the time he becomes interesting the film is over. I surprised that the movie plays close attention to the backgrounds of all the other characters, but doesn't give much or any exposition on Ozymandias alone. It sucks because I think his character is given the backseat compared to his comic book counterpart while the rest of the main mysterymen are given the full exposure treatment.

Malin Akerman properly portrays the second generation Silk Spectre/Laurie Jupiter. While she serves as eye candy, that is what her character is known for. Well, that plus mommy issues and kicking ass. She does pulls off those aspects very well and can act, so that's a win in my book.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan does a grand job as the gruff, sadistic Comedian. A less capable actor could easily fall into a violent one dimensional viewpoint in the character. However, Morgan was able to make this easily and understandably unlikeable character and turn him into a pitiful, almost sympathetic figure.

Billy Crudup, the biggest name in the film and that doesn't say much, was good as the stoic, God-like Dr. Manhattan. While Crudup's character does not really emote often and the CGI does most of the physical acting for him, the nuances in his facial expressions and subtle changes in his speech patterns help his portrayal. Crudup was aptly able to make Dr. Manhattan seen not as a cold person but an indifferent, almost naive man... that or a disinterested God.

Patrick Wilson is great as the second Nite Owl/Dan Dreiberg. He is able to be a girly, impotent pansy and is able to pull off being a badass at the same time. Now, I don't mean the Clark Kent/Superman immediate change from "aw, shucks" to "surrender, you thugs!" I mean that Wilson was able to show the nervousness of Dreiberg under the confident guise of Nite Owl even with the handicap of the Batman-esque mask and outfit. I expect to see great things out of Wilson in the future and I consider this to be a breakthrough performance for him.

Now to Jackie Earle Haley as the menacing, masked psycho Rorschach. This is Haley's most famous role since he was a kid actor in the original Bad News Bears. Much like how Mickey Rourke was Marv in Sin City, Haley is Rorschach. The build, the voice, and mannerisms all fit. The cold delivery, crazed demeanor, and the desperate emotional moments fit perfectly. Rorschach scared the crap out of me... and I couldn't help but root for him.

Fair warning to the squeamish and bashful. You will get an anatomy lesson from Watchmen. You will see naked people of both genders and a whole lot of nude Dr. Manhattan, complete with a CGI blue penis. Lots of CGI blue penis. You will also see a lot of the inner workings of the human body splattered across the walls; blood, bones, and all.

While most fanboys will complain about how this isn't page-for-page, word-for-word exactly like the book, I ask those guys, "What more can you want?" If you want something like that, get the "Watchmen Motion Comic" DVD. This is supposed to be something new and is a good homage to the source material. If anything, the movie has a ton of "Easter egg" moments that only fans of the book would understand. That would actually be one of my criticisms.

As you have read, I obviously enjoyed the film, however I do have some nit-picking. While I do like the "Easter egg" moments in the film, I think that those who haven't read the book may get lost in some moments. The film opens with the Minutemen (the original superheroes from the '40's) with their fates represented through various short, dialogue-less scenes. While it's nice for the die-hard fans, the regular viewing public might be lost in regards to who is who and after the film wonder "What's the point of seeing those guys? They didn't really effect most of the story or the ending."

Also, while I enjoyed the long, single character focused scenes because it is just like the comic and I am a die-hard fan, some may think that it slows down the overall story. Snyder did a good job smoothly transitioning between the main arc and the character exposition without it turning into "Let's pause for a moment and learn more about Dr. Manhattan." That being said, some who don't like to sit very long might think it adds unnecessary bulk to its near 3 hour runtime. This is the main reason (among others) that I thought Watchmen should have been an HBO miniseries instead of movie in order to view it smaller, distinct bites.

My biggest complaint is the soundtrack. While some songs work, many seem totally out of place and made me laugh at certain scenes in which laughter wasn't the goal. Dan and Laurie go to dinner with "99 Red Balloons" in the background. Rorschach and Nite Owl traveling to the arctic to Jimi Hendrix's "All Around the Watchtower" really perplexed me. So, the scene is in the 1980's featuring a song popular in the 1960's when earlier in the film there was a scene during the Vietnam War which didn't feature any '60's music. The songs themselves aren't bad (I kinda want to buy the soundtrack), but it really takes you out of the film. It's like the movie decided to put on the local rock radio station on in the background of each scene.

So in the end, Watchmen is worth watching. I recommend anybody to watch it, unless you are disinterested based on what I wrote. Just don't expect it to be a mainstream juggernaut like The Dark Knight. Who watches the Watchmen? You should.

Casual Conversing with Conan O'Brien

Yep.  I met Conan O'Brien.  It started as a typical Saturday with me waking up at 3 A.M. and doing three straight hours of news and a few news cut-ins until 10A.M.  I decided to hang out an extra few hours after work because Ernie said three words:  "Conan is coming."

After a few hours and a lunch,  he and his entourage consisting of random suits, his show's executive producer and his show's head writer entered the studio.  Conan emerged through his posse and proceeded to go around the room and shake everyone's hand.  He asked for names, too.  

He was built like a marionette with his torso making up 60% of his body, his head 20%, and his limbs at a meager 5% a piece.  While we are the same height (6'4") he towered over me due to an additional 2" from his mighty coiffed hair.  He dwarfed everyone in the room while looking like a stretched out elf.

Like with everyone, he approached me and reached out his hand.

"Hi.  Conan O'Brien."

I don't get star struck very much, but at the time all I could do was extend my hand and say, "Erik Barnes."  Dammit.  Just...  dammit.

He sat down and was interviewed by our head anchor, Jim Payne, for almost 20 minutes.  I sat down, legs crossed next to the camera and watched.  I felt like a little kid listening to his grandfather tell tales.  "Papa Conan, tell me a story!"

He then shot a few promos, plugging our station and reminding viewers that he's the new Tonight Show host.  

It was picture time.  A line formed with a mess of people wanting a photo with the Innovator of the String Dance.  

"Mr. O'Brien, do you have time for another photo?"

"Pfft.  'Mr. O'brien.' Come here."

Then one of my fears came to light.  As we posed for the photo above, a random crew member said, "This guy here is a stand-up comic."  Ugh.  Great.  I'm tired and I don't have my "A" game.

Conan turned and looked at me. 

"Really?"

"Well, I do a few shows here and there and I mostly work for beer."

"At this point, we are all working for beer."

We both smiled and I let the next person through. Pictures were finished.  Then came the alligators.

We went outside where some gators from the nearby Gatorland were waiting.  The two gator wranglers traveled in a large white van.  The kind of van that a mustached kidnapper would have.  One of the gator wranglers gave Conan a couple baby gators to hold.  Conan was fine with it.  Then the wranglers put the babies away and took out a three year old gator, which was around the size of border collie.  He gave the gator to Conan.  Conan announced to the crowd that he wet his pants.  The gator wrangler took the gator away and then the van drove off, revealing a seven foot long gator from behind.

This was a big gator.  The absent gator wrangler was apparently restraining the gator by sitting on its back and holding its jaw closed with his bare hands.  This man must have trouble buying pants due to the size of his balls.  The two gator wranglers asked Conan if he wanted to pet and wrestle the alligator.  "I'm fine here," stated the man responsible for the career of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

The shooting was over and Conan was being corralled toward the big van that brought him here.  Oddly enough, it was parked next to my car.  He thanked everyone for helping and coming by.  I took the opportunity to shake his hand again.

"Thanks for coming.  Hopefully, I'll be good enough to perform on your show someday."

"At this point, you are already halfway there."

That was cool.  He was probably just being a nice guy, but still.  It's cool to be motivated by one of your inspirations.    He got in the van and began to drove off.

Before I departed, I thanked my boss for allowing me to stick around.  He said he was glad I could stay.  

"Maybe you'll take over as host eventually."

"Let's not get crazy now.  There is a difference between dreams and delusions."

However, being a talk show host seems like a cool gig.  Hmm...

So to recap, I met my Pro Wrestling God in Ric Flair and I met my Comedy God in Conan O'Brien.  Now all I need to do is meet Batman and I'll have gazed upon the faces of my personal Triad of Pop Culture Deities.

President Obama: Day One or Re-The Hell-Lax America

When I worked as a social worker in Cincinnati, we were required to have a performance review every 3 months.  I had a rough time at the job.  I had experience dealing with people and odd personalities, but the first few weeks were touch and go.  Quite frankly, I sucked.  I wasn't doing the job very well.  Another person was hired a few days before I was.  She did very well at the beginning and was getting compliments from my boss.  She had a bright looking career.  

Then as time went by, I got better and better.  I wasn't a prodigy or anything like that, but I didn't suck.  I noticed my colleague was slacking and coasting or just plain failing more and more each week.  Three months later, I was told that I did a horrid job at the beginning, but towards the second half of the time period I did well.  I noticed my colleague wasn't there and asked my boss where she was.  She was let go.  My point is that if my coworker was judged by her first few weeks, she'd be a supervisor candidate.  If I was judged by my first few weeks, I would have been fired.

I watched the inauguration yesterday and it was indeed quite the spectacle.  I know a good chunk of my readers are on the right end of the political scale, but I have a confession...I voted for Barack.  There.  I said it.

My reasons?  They are my own.  If you really want to know, email me.  Like I have mentioned before,  most of the time I don't care for political debate because nine times out of ten I'll get pigeonholed into a group I don't subscribe to due to the party association with a group I actually do belong to.  Just because I like coffee doesn't mean I like chai latte.  You dig?

That being said, I will openly state that I grow weary of both sides of the Obameter.  While the Obama rhetoric is very hopeful, feel-good, and (in my opinion) is genuinely boosting morale in our country, let's not mint him on our money yet.  He is a great speaker and I admire his wordsmithery.  Now, get those words to work.  While I seem to think he will be proactive, he has yet to accomplish anything on a large scale.  So let us not judge him from what he has done.  He hasn't done anything.

On the other end, many are cutting him off at the knees.  While he hasn't done anything, that doesn't mean can't do anything.  Rookies have won championships.  McCain, in full class, asked his supporters to support his opponent in his concession speech.  Those who did vote for McCain would be doing a disservice to not give Obama a chance before his first 100 days are up.  Don't blame him or get mad yet.  He hasn't done anything.

That's the gist of the whole scenario.  He hasn't done anything.  So re-the hell-lax.  Don't nominate him for New Jesus.  Don't propose a witch hunt.  He's not a good president...yet.  He's not a bad president...yet.  He's just our president.  Let's sit back and see how he does his new job.  After 100 days, then we can give a performance review.  Then we can clearly see whether to promote him or fire him.

A Note to Women who Post Personal Ads on Craigslist

So I'm not dating or anything nor am I on E-Harmony or Match.com or anything like that (no money to subscribe among other reasons), but today I looked around the personal ads on craigslist just out of curiosity.  There are a few that I might email or whatnot, but for the most part I wonder if these women are even really trying.  Here are a few tips for W seeking M for their posts:

-  Using terms like "seeks Sugar Daddy" or "wants to be spoiled" and excessive use of "$$$" will not help you.  It screams the word "succubus" and any idiot who replies to that deserves poverty.

-  writinginrunonsentencesliketheone I amtyping here makes me thinkyou haveno education /:?

-  It's nice to write down "I like horseback riding" but saying "I go horseback riding at the downs on my black Stallion, Pepper" is better.  

-  If you only write "I go horseback riding at the downs on my black Stallion, Pepper" and nothing else about yourself or interests, then congratulations.  You are a one dimensional character in a children's learn-to-read book.

-  "I live life to the fullest!".... this is the part that where you tell me how.

-  "I like movies"  Who doesn't?  Gimme some favorite flicks.

-  If your headline says "24 yr old" and the content of your ad says, "I'm a 20 year old college student," it tells me you are either a bot, stupid, or a liar.  FAIL.

-  Biggest lie on the internet:  "I don't like playing games."

-  If you include a pic in your ad, don't use a group photo.  Common sense apparently is a limited resource like oil.

-  Boyfriend applications?  You are trying to tell me who you are.  If I'm that bored, I'll go to Quizilla.

-  "I'm open minded... Please no black men." = contradiction

This is why I hate dating crap.  Meh.  On second thought, I'd rather take my chances trying the old fashioned way.