Barnes at the Movies: The Spirit

The Spirit is the solo directorial debut of comics mad genius Frank Miller, following up his co-directorial credential of his creator owned property Sin City.  Miller as a screenwriter and director introduced a genre I have yet to encounter:  campy noir.

The Spirit is based off the character and comic book of the same name written and drawn not by Miller, but his contemporary and funny book deity Will Eisner.  Those of you who are familiar with the Spirit character/story and expect tight correlation with the source material will have to save your breath.  Among the numerous creative liberties, the Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson ) was never even seen in the comic book aside from his "Mickey Mouse" gloves.  But we are not talking about whether the movie is true to its source, we are talking about the work on its own merit.

Gabriel Macht plays The Spirit, the masked, fedora donned crusader of Central City with an innate ability to heal from fatal wounds and escape the clutches of death (personified as a woman named Lorelei played by Jaime King).  The Spirit attempts to foil and put an end to the criminal kingpin, The Octopus and his right hand woman, Silken Floss (Scarlett Johannson).  While on the hunt for the Octopus, he must also contend with the return of Sand Saref (the "what-God-have-I-pleased?" Eva Mendes) a childhood love of the Spirit's true identity, Denny Colt, who is a renowned jewel thief.  With the often-frustrating, but genuine support of Commissioner Dolan and the commish's daughter, Ellen, can the Spirit over come his emotions involving Sand, defeat the Octopus, and come to terms with the source of his powers?

Gabriel Macht is confusing as the Spirit.  It's hard for me to judge his performance and line delivery since his character is so hard boiled yet his lines are so comical.  I have a hard time figuring out how he delivered the line "I'm gonna kill you all sorts of dead" without a smirk on his face.  It's not that he's not a capable actor, but with the material it's hard to tell what supposed to be a joke or what's supposed to be gritty.

All the women in the film are dressed in tight clothes, cleavage spilling and backsides peeking out under their skirts.  Johannson's Floss is the most entertaining with her deadpan delivery and ridiculous outfits that make her look like the world's strictest, sexiest librarian.  I'd pay the overdue fees gladly.  Mendes does a decent job as Sand and the rest of the female cast deliver decent performances, but make no mistake, the women in this film are for image first and acting second.  There is so much eye candy, your eyes will get diabetes.

The scene stealer is Sam Jackson, whose Octopus is Jules from Pulp Fiction with the volume and silliness turned up to the max.  The outfits and the character's odd fascination with eggs are as gonzo as anything Hunter S. Thompson has ever experienced.

The real star of the film is none of the actors, but the CG and cinematography.  The film is very artsy and an a visual orgy of distortion, faded colors, harsh black and white, soft lighting, and striking colors.  By the trailers and everything else, it begs to be compared to Sin City in terms of the look and, quite frankly, it totally rips off the style, however there are scenes that splash with color.  I'm just impressed that they were able to flow in color in and out so seamlessly that it doesn't take the audience out the film.  It just fits.

To nit-pick, the dialogue is fairly corny and sounds like what Frank Miller would write if he was asked to make Sin City a comedy.  The fight scenes are over the top and downright goofy which make you wonder what you were watching (Watch out for the toilet).  Fans of comic books can definitely tell this has Miller's mark all over it due to his then-revolutionary-counter-comic-culture-now-geez-Frank-this-again sexy vixens, hardcore violence, and random Nazi paraphernalia.  Comic fans will also enjoy certain references to the comic book culture (Miller acts in the beginning of the film and a truck reading "Ditko Deliveries" named after esteemed artist Steve Ditko frequents the movie).  It's hard to discern the mood that Miller is trying to get by making such a dark looking film with moments of gritty inner monologues while contrasting it with the slapsticky fights and cheese.  

Is it a good movie?  No, but it's not a bad movie.  If you want striking images and look at film as an artistic medium, The Spirit is a great film visually and shows how art and technology have truly intertwined.  As a story, it's brainless and there is a lot of smiling and nodding with the plot.  Is it fun?  Well, it depends on your definition of fun.  I can turn off my brain and enjoy the visuals, artistic or exploitive.  If you can't, then it probably isn't for you.

Vacation...now what?

So in a few weeks, I'm going on a short four day break... but I don't know what I should do with my time.  So please comment, email, and facebook me any suggestions you may have.  Two things though:

1.  No suggestions regarding flying (can't afford a plane ticket right now)

2.  No car trips longer than 2 1/2 hours.

So please, do give me some tips.

Merry Christmas...in January, February, March, etc.

So I am working on Christmas and I won't be spending it with my family in Ohio, except possibly via Skype, but I'm not bothered by it.  Christmas isn't a big deal.

Sure we spend it giving gifts to our friends...but we should do that when we want to make them special regardless of time of year.

We also spread the message of good cheer to our fellow man...but we can do that every day.

We like to participate in charities, toy drives, and food bank replenishings...but they need help 11 other months in the year.

We reconnect with various extended family members...which we could do with a phone call or scheduled visit. 

We tell our immediate family members how much they matter to us...but we can and should do that daily.

We go out of our way as a community to provide fun activities for kids...which needs no provocation or reason.

We go to church...which could be a weekly instead of an annual tradition.

We celebrate the birth of Christ...which shouldn't be pigeonholed on December 25th and could be celebrated daily.

I guess my point is that Christmas is something that needs to be practiced and celebrated every day of the year and not just focused the period between Thanksgiving and New Years Day.  Christmas should not be special.  It should become ordinary.  Imagine how the world would be when Christmas is something practiced so frequently that it is taken for granted.  

So I wish you all a Merry Christmas...every day of the week.

Thoughts from a Hugger

My name is Erik Barnes and I am a hugger.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  I hug indiscriminately.  Relatives, women, men, kids, and sometimes strangers.  I hug.  It may not be macho, but it's me.

I like all kinds of hugs.  The open armed embrace.  The "bro-clasped-hands-pull-in" hug.  The old friend embrace complete with the three-pat "I'm-not-gay" on the back.  The tight, near-death clutch for when a person is depressed or leaving.  The tight "welcome back" hug.  The lovers' blanket.  I've done them all and they are all special.

Is this important to me or merely a preference?  After spending year in Florida, I've come to realize that hugs are not just important to me.  I need them.

In Ohio growing up, my parents spoiled me with them.  For every scraped knee, Christmas "thank you," hurt feeling, shared joy, crippling depression, or "just because" there was hug from both of them.  It also expanded to my friends.  Whenever dark secrets were told, embarrassing stories exposed, pains revealed, happy or sad tears are shed, or "come-here-you-big-lug" was uttered a hug wasn't too far behind.

But here?  I've noticed myself change, as we all do.  I found myself progressing and growing forward in positive directions, but still a little down a good chunk of the past year.  Last week, one of my new friends surprised me with a hug.  It felt...foreign.  I liked it and welcomed it, but I didn't have human contact like that in so long that it was as if it was the first time.

For me, hugs are necessary.  Obviously not make others uncomfortable or force it upon them, but they are necessary.  I guess a hug is like an anchor for me.  The person grabbing me is keeping me to the earth, preventing me from being drifted away  due to my nearly endless thoughts, concerns, ideas, anxieties, worries, and guilt.  The hug gives me pause, reflection, and lets me know that another person knows, understands, and wakes me from my murky gloom or adds to the joy I have.  This non-verbal gesture says more than any written tongue can express.  At least, that's why I hug other people and let others hug me.

People have their quirks.  I guess that's one of mine.

Barnes at the Movies: 007: Quantum of Solace

I have a heterosexual man-commitment towards James Bond.  I dabble with Jack Bauer.  I do flirt with the idea of John McClane.  However, my hetero-heart belongs to 007.  Therefore, whenever there is a Bond film, I am in the theater and I have great expectations.  While the franchise has had its ups and downs, they aren't bad films.  A bad Bond film usually beats a mediocre movie any day.  Quantum of Solace isn't a bad movie nor is it the worst Bond movie.  It was like a Bond girl:  fun for the time being, but ultimately forgettable.

Quantum of Solace is a direct sequel to the rebooted Casino Royale, with Daniel Craig returning as 007.  Bond, M (Judi Dench), and the rest of MI6 are trying to unfurl a secret criminal organization that is so well hidden that even members of MI6 are involved.  Bond is still angry and brooding over the loss of his love from the previous film, Vesper, and his mouth testifies "business" while his actions scream "vengeance."  While bodies lie in Bond's wake, there is the fear that he has gone rogue, with Bond investigating the true intentions of a non-profit environmental organization while being hunted by his employers.

Daniel Craig is a great Bond.  Time will tell if he will be the best, but I put him at #3 behind Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan for now.  While the point of the film was that Bond was trying to sequester his emotions to do his duty, I found that there were scenes in which Craig was too stone-faced.  Many scenes looked liked he was bored, not being cool or cold.  Judi Dench was great as the returning M and Jeffrey Wright was good returning as Bond's American ally, Felix Leiter.  The performances overall were pretty good.

The story, however, left me wanting.  I understand this is Bond's quest for revenge, but this wasn't a lot different than the Jason Bourne franchise.  One of the things that separates the Bond franchise from other films in the genre are the quiet moments.  Moments in which Bond is in a mind game with his opposition whether it'd be a card game, death trap, debate or whatever.  This movie had none of those quiet moments and if they did, they were so short that one can miss them.  The purpose of those moments is to appreciate the cerebral aspect of espionage and cleverness of Bond along with making the action scenes more memorable by spreading them out throughout the film.  

However, if you are going to do nonstop action, at least shoot it and edit it well.  The ideas behind the action scenes are pretty inventive (a gunfight on top of wiggly scaffolding?  Cool!), but I hated how it was put together.  There were many extreme close-ups, jump cuts, and shaky camerawork that it left the audience disoriented and confused.  

Is that Bond's hand reaching for the gun?  Was that the handbrake?  Which color was Bond's car again?  It left the audience thinking, "That was cool...what happened?"  I know that intent was to make the audience feel like they were in the moment with the character, but all it does is make the audience try to decipher what just occurred and while they do that, they don't pay attention to the next course of action which makes them think that they missed something cool which makes them aggravated.  Not that I'm nitpicking or venting.

That's not to say that I didn't like the movie.  It was worth my money and my time, assuming this movie was a necessary step to let the Bond character grow for the next film.  Bottom line:  Quantum of Solace is a mediocre James Bond movie, but an awesome Jason Bourne film.  I just hope that if a third Craig 007 movie is made that the camerawork would be less shaken and the plot more stirring. 

Random Prediction:  If they do decide to as "Q" as a character to the franchise reboot, I predict Simon Pegg will get the role.

Flashbacking

It was one of my better summers. I was about to head into the 7th grade while she was about to be a freshman in high school. I first got to know her while working on school newspaper the previous year, exchanging friendly "hellos," "how's it goin's," and "did you see Seinfeld last nights?" She laughed at that cartoons I drew, so that was good enough for me. I figured she'd just be one of those school friends, the kind you hang out with during 7:45AM-2:32PM Monday through Friday except in the months of June, July, and August. It would be an epiphany for both of us that she lived a few streets down from me and also went to the community center swimming pool.

On a hot day, we got reacquainted there. The days that followed, we swam about, hung out, and talked at the pool. She'd occasionally want to lay out in the sun. I'd sometimes join her, having the dry, prickly grass poke through towel and scratch my back. Who was I kidding? With my skin type, I was just inviting melanoma. At the time though, I wouldn't have it any other way.

She was tall and slender with skin that was a caramel bronze and smooth to touch. Her eyes were a striking hazel and she had a pearly, toothy grin. She had a goofy but contagious laugh, which would include an embarrassing snort. It was my goal to make her snort every time we crossed paths.

The rest of the summer consisted of splashing in the pool, wrestling around, and games of chicken with other kids. My cross country coach happened to be the lifeguard and would jokingly call our playing "PDA" just to embarrass me. It worked.

Unfortunately, she had to move away to another school. Parents divorcing and custody battles tend to screw good things up. During the oncoming school year, we'd call each other from time to time, venting on crappy relationships, family issues, and the like. The following summer, she came back for a time to stay with her dad on her old street and she wanted to catch up. Hmph, she decided to wear her glasses. I don't remember what activity we did. Honestly, I don't think it matters.

It was dark and we hung out on my porch. She needed to get home. I walked her. We continued to talk until we got to the front of her house. I gave her a long hug and palmed her head. Her soft, pitch black hair slid between my fingers. She then moved in and our mouths met. It came out of left field, but I liked it.

Okay, this is good, really good, so good, don't be weird, don't be weird, don't be weird, don't be weird, okay, okay, okay, her tongue is in your mouth so I think that means yours needs at least meet her halfway, that's too far, TOO FAR, DON'T CHOKE HER, BACK OFF, there you go, okay, it seems silly to leave it there, maybe I need to rotate it, clockwise?, counterclockwise?, freestyle it is then, aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnddddd we're done.

She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. She poked me in the belly, playfully teased me, and walked inside. My face was locked into a smile. We promised to stay in touch. As years passed, phone calls were less on both ends. After she graduated, she moved out of state to tour with her band and since I was still in high school, we ultimately lost touch. It's fine. It wouldn't of worked out well in the end anyway.

That's the story of my first kiss. I don't know why I blogged this nor do I think you'd care, but it might be an interesting story to read to kill time. I found it therapeutic to reminisce I guess. In any case, new movie reviews soon.

Barnes at the Movies: Zach and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri Make a Porno is film by cult favorite writer/director Kevin Smith of Clerks and Chasing Amy fame. After dabbling in various projects and revisiting old ground in Clerks 2, Smith weaned himself off familiar characters Jay and Silent Bob and the setting of New Jersey for frosty Pittsburgh and a new duo Zack (the now overexposed Seth Rogen) and Miri ("oh, yeah, that one girl from..."Elizabeth Banks). Zack and Miri are lifelong friends, first meeting in grade school, living together in a beat-up apartment. When financial duress and overdue bills pile up to the point that electricity and water are shut off, they search for methods to get rich quick before they become homeless. The solution? Make a porno and sell it to their old high school classmates from the alumni mailing list.

As expected from the title, the movie contains copious amounts of frontal nudity, backal nudity, upwards nudity, downwards nudity, and sideways nudity. Fortunately, no inside-out nudity or else it'd be rated NC-17...or be a PBS educational film. However with the all the nakedness and language that'd make R. Lee Ermey pee himself, there lies a sweet, complicated love story. As the moment comes when Zack and Miri have sex for the first time ever (on camera, no less), it becomes apparent that while they intended on "fucking for money" they ended up making love.

Rogen within most of his films seems to play the exact same character to the point of exhaustion. I cannot distinguish Zack from Dale Denton (Pineapple Express) or Ben Stone (Knocked Up) in any way aside from their names. That being said, Rogen does Zack justice being able to emote proper restrained anger and sadness when needed. The guy shows that he can act, but it always takes a back seat to him shooting off ab-libbed one liners.

Elizabeth Banks does a great job as Miri, a beautiful tomboy. She does well playing off the close, platonic friend (take it from me, it's a situation that I have great familiarity with), however she didn't win me over until one pivotal scene in which she hands Zack over on a silver platter to her porno co-star Stacey (Katie Morgan).

The real stand-out in the movie is Craig Robinson (Darryl from the warehouse in The Office). I don't know if it's because of his great comedic delivery or that he got better material than most of the cast, but he sticks out and it's not because he's the only black man in the film. As Delaney, he was able to both be comical and issue some grand knowledge on our young Zack.

Rounding out the main cast is current porn actress Katie Morgan as the dim Stacey and former porn icon Traci Lords as appropriately named Bubbles, along with Smith's mainstay actors Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes as Deacon and Lester. Nothing much to be said about the porn actresses since they are essentially playing themselves but dimmer. Nothing much said about Anderson since he's essentially playing Randal from Clerks as an amateur cameraman. Nothing much for Mewes since he's pretty much playing Jay from previous movies only without the long hair and weed references.

Smith himself has stated that he isn't much of cinematographer and nothing has really changed in that direction. However, he did rise to the occasion in two pivotal scenes: when Zack and Miri make love and when Miri hands Zack over with great close ups and pacing of the shots, but the actors' performances gave the shots a huge assist.

Overall, I enjoyed Z&M. As a comedy it falls short of big belly laughs resulting from typical "dick and fart jokes" Smith usually places in the dialogue of his films, but as a crude, off-beat romance it does very well for me. While if you were ask me to present a better comedy from Smith, I'd side with his much older works. Also, if you were to ask me to present a better romance from him, I'd suggest Chasing Amy. In the long run though, Zack and Miri Make a Porno is a good addition to Smith's filmography, due to the familar-to-us-but-usually-sugar-coated-in-movies relationship between the main characters, but falls short of being a stand-out in his body of work. So if you like Smith's past stuff and aren't bothered by naked people, check it out. If you are bothered by it, then you probably already made up your mind not to see it based on the title of the film alone.

Barnesharmonymatch.com.org.tv : President Andrew

Future President Andrew Stewart is a grand gentleman, full of gumption and drive. He is a dedicated conservative, serving the RNC and assisting the Bush administration. That is not to say that he is a blind follower, he creates his own opinions or reasons. Even if you do not agree with his viewpoint, any argument he makes is valid and educated. While usually a quiet man, he possesses a grand wit and is a great conversationalist once you get to know him. Karl Rove swore at him and President Bush gave him a pep talk. He has great ambition and puts full effort into everything he does. He's a fun guy and a handsome man at that. So if any female out there has any aspirations to become a First Lady in their lifetime, I guide you toward our future President Elect Andrew Stewart.

For Jenny Taylor

Jenny,
I haven't seen it, but by most reviews, Role Models looks to be a type of flick you would like. I liked Zack and Miri Make a Porno (check out a review later) but I'm not sure it's your cup of tea. Peace.

Junk Drawer/A Little Help

Hey all.
I wanted to write a blog today, but...I'm drawing a blank. I like doing the movie reviews, but I don't want to turn this blog into solely that. I just don't know what to write about aside from random thoughts, rants/lists. So ask you, my reading audience, please either via email or the comments section give me topics to write about or what you'd like my opinion on. I know that there are more people that read this blog than comment on it, so please stop being quiet about it and shoot me a response in some way. Even you don't have any suggestions, send me something to know if you are still reading this blog if for no reason than to have me acknowledge that you are still alive.
I await any and all feedback. Have a list of randomness:
- I miss MST3K.
- I can't wait until after the first 100 days of the Obama administration to see if the honeymoon period with the media is over.
- My job is making me bored, doesn't provide much, and doesn't allow much of a social life. Therefore, pray for all these things.
- I need a better creative outlet since many comedy clubs and open mics are closing up shop down here.
- Every time I see President Bush on TV talking, his mind is actually saying, "Two more months, two more months, two more months..."
- Every time I see a member of the news media or comedy circuit see/talk about Bush, their brains are actually saying, "Two more months, two more months, two more months..."
- A saw a commercial featuring a couple in their 60's getting married in a park. The product? Depends. That's when my brain exploded into macaroni salad within the serving bowl that is my skull. Which begs the question that I ask you, my readers, what brand of diaper would you wear to your wedding?
- I'd like to have a dog, but I don't have the money or the time to properly take care of it.
- So many people my age are having kids (on purpose!). I love kids, but in your 20's? Whatever works for you, I guess.
- I never realized how hard it is to find good wrestling fan friends. Many people who I run into are a) hard to converse with because they think it's real/are really drunks in disguise or b) hard to converse with because they pick apart the product to the point that they aren't enjoying themselves and it kills the mood. To give a more broader perspective, it's like finding a good film friend to watch good movies with: there are some who don't want to watch Citizen Kane because they are all about the Good Burger and then there those who believe if it isn't directed by Lars Von Trier then it is shit.

That's it for now. Peace.

Compartmentalizing my Mini-Vacation

I have a mini-vacation coming up due to that I need to use up my vacation days before the new year (they don't carry over) and I know that I won't be able to use them during sweeps and the holidays. I figured that I'd get some stuff done/fun during my four day weekend. In lieu of a day planner, I'll just use this blog space.

Saturday, October 25th
10:00am- Get free from work.
11:30am- Get last minute items.
12:30pm-4:00pm- Eat and nap.
4:00pm- 6:30pm- Last minute cleaning.
7:00pm- ?- Bru-ha-ha.

Sunday, October 26th
8:00am- Wake up in order to work out.
8:01am- "Who am I kidding?"
10:30am- Actually getting out of bed with the intention of working out.
10:35am- Realize that I need breakfast, cooking some, wolf it down, and realize that I need to wait an hour for digestion.
11:40am-2:30pm- Working out.
3:30pm- Reading comics, writing comedy, drinking coffee at a cafe.
4:30pm- Cross out any comedy ideas that I have second thoughts about, call my brothers.
5:45pm- Go to MovieStop and make an exchange for new (at least to me) movies.
7:30pm- Go to Hooters, ignore the hooligans, tolerate the food, being extra patient with the wait staff, and enjoying WWE Cyber Sunday while calling Cincy buds.
11:30pm- Arrive home and go to sleep.

Monday, October 27th
8:00am- Wake up and work out for real.
11:00am- Go to Coldstone and get a pint of a customized flavor and get some Yuengling beer.
11:30am-2:00pm- Cook and eat breakfast while writing my script.
2:00pm-4:00pm- Explore other opportunities.
4:00pm-5:00pm- Send a mass email update and email my anchor friend, Raoul.
5:00pm-8:00pm- Have dinner, watch Fox shows online that I missed from the night before.
9:00pm- Watch WWE RAW while taping Heroes.
11:08pm- Watch the taped Heroes.
12:00am- Download Wrestling Observer Radio and fall asleep listening to it.

Tuesday, October 28th
8:30am-11:30pm- Wake up, download Wrestling Observer Radio and the Bryan and Vinny Show onto my MP3 player, and work out.
11:30am-11:48am Go to Autozone and find out what's broken in my car (it takes 1-9 attempts to start it).
11:49am-12:00pm- Cuss and not get it fixed because I can't afford it.
12:30pm- Explore opportunities. Realize that they are still harping on the Last Comic Sitting contest at the Why Not Lounge and decide not to go this week because I wouldn't get on stage until probably 11:30pm.
2:30pm- 4:00pm- Write some of my script.
4:00pm- 4:29pm- Order a Papa John's Pizza with a side of bacon cheesy bread.
4:30pm- 11:59pm- Gorge on pizza, beer, and ice cream while having a Kurosawa one-two punch viewing of Seven Samurai and Yojimbo.
12:00am- Bed.

Wednesday, Oct. 29th
8:30am- 12:00pm- Breakfast and work out.
12:30pm-3:29pm- Make a lunch, get a book, get my comedy notebook, and go to Loch Haven park to read, write, eat, and meditate.
3:30pm-4:29pm- Head home to beat traffic.
4:30pm- ?- Nap, dinner, and putz around the internet before bed.

Thursday, Oct. 30th
3:15am- Get up and get back to work.

Barnes at the Movies: W.

"What'd you think?"
"I liked it."
"Me too."
"It didn't really bash Bush."
"I know, he was a goof at some points, but not a total moron. I'm pleasantly surprised."
"Actually, it made me feel sorry for the guy."

That exchange was between me and one of my co-worker friends (who is a hardcore Obama supporter) after we saw the film, W. I include this exchange because I think it best describes what the film's depiction of our 43rd president was all about. However, I believe that the film will still get flack from both sides of the party line. Many republicans will hate the film because they think the president was depicted as too much of a buffoon. Numerous democrats will criticize the film because they'll feel that the movie sympathizes with Bush too much and doesn't portray him as an evil idiot. In the film a young Laura Bush (Elizabeth Banks) tells W. (Josh Brolin) when they first meet that he's "a devil in a white hat." Not pure good. Not pure evil. Sounds like a human, doesn't it?

I was curious to see this movie because of three reasons. One, Oliver Stone's past conspiracy-laced films (JFK anyone?) intrigued me to see how biased he'd portray one of the most polarizing presidents in recent history. Two, with the correct makeup, Josh Brolin looked so much like W. that it creeps me out. And three, unless I am mistaken, this is the first film about a president being released while still being in office. Curiousity had beaten my wallet.

W. follows the adult life of our current president, George W. Bush, Jr., going from his college days to weeks after the "Mission Accomplished" speech on the aircraft carrier following the successful occupation of Iraq. The character of W. is toiling with what to do with his life while not getting the best grades and engaging in rowdy drinking. While struggling with his alcoholism, Jr. is trying to juggle the problems of trying to win the favor of George "Poppy" Bush, Sr. (James Cromwell), competing for parental affection with his more scholastic brother, Jeb, and trying to live up to the high standards that the Bush family clings to. We see George W. Bush struggle and grow from being "Junior" to "W." to "Mr. President."

The depiction of W. is a man of simple pleasures, simple desires, simple education, and poor speaking skills with big ambition, never back down attitude, and big faith. In any other family, this W. would be on the ranch during the day, drink beer all night, and fish on the weekends when not making time with the missus rather than be a politician. In fact, he'd be much happier that way. The crux of the film is that W. is a man that didn't know what he wanted as a young man, tried to live up to his family's idea of what success is rather than finding his own definition, and finding himself in over his head and unhappy when he rises to the top. All of this while trying to do what he thinks is the right thing and what God wants him to do.

The plot is about George W. Bush, the man. The Iraq conflict and 9/11 are referenced, but are backdrops not plot points. The snafus during the 2000 election aren't referenced at all. This movie is not focused on his politics. It focused on the man. That's why I liked it. It didn't preach loudly towards the right or left.

Josh Brolin does a fantastic job as the president and deserves an Oscar. His portrayal is dead-on in both delivery and even body movement. When W. is supposed to be charming and befuddled, he does it well without going into a cartoony-SNL-sketch comedy vein. When W. is supposed to be serious and smart, he pulls it off and makes it believable.

The rest of Bush's inner circle are portrayed very well. Jeffrey Wright's Colin Powell comes off looking like a hero and makes the audience wonder "why didn't he run for president." If there are any villains in this film it would arguably be Scott Glenn's Donald Rumsfeld, but definitely Richard Dreyfuss' Dick Cheney. In many scenes, Cheney is depicted as cold, manipulative and the little devil whispering in W.'s ear while the angel on W.'s other shoulder stutters.

The soundtrack and look of the film do it justice. Nothing dark and dreary, nothing goofy. It all fits the mood. There are parts in which we laugh at W. (remember when he choked on a pretzel?), but ultimately the audience will look at Bush as not an evil mastermind nor a great man. Not a pure idiot, not good stock from an affluent American family. Just a...human. This human just happens to be the president. The focus of the next generation is to surpass the previous ones, sons to surpass their fathers. This one did what he could to do that, but was ultimately unhappy.

So check out it. It won't share space on my DVD shelf once it leaves theaters, but it is good story. Fact? Debatable. Story? Definitely.

What? WHAT?

Really? I'm intrigued, but...really?

An Open Letter to Those Who Lead Contemporary Worship at Church

Dear Worship Leader(s),
Don't take this as an attack, but there are many things that you might be doing that throw off/put off people when they come to worship God. Here are a few notes, which may or may not apply to you:
1. Your mic does not need to be that loud. When you belt out the high notes you are drowning out everything else and (if you are female) you are killing my eardrums. Yahweh no longer requires blood sacrifices, especially trickling from human orifices.
2. WE are singing. WE. ALL OF US. You are privileged and given the awesome honor to lead all of us in praising God. We are not here to see your concert.
3. When you have a giant projection with the lyrics of the song on the wall it is totally unnecessary to quickly, verbally announce the upcoming verse before singing it while in song. Example: A-ma-zing grace, how-sweet-the-sound, how-swee-t the sound, that-saved-a-wretch, that say-ved a wretch, etc. We know how to read and it disrupts the flow.
4. It is unnecessary to stretch a four minute song to ten minutes. It's not just a time thing, but after repeating the same chorus over and over it turns from an intentional thought of praise to God into a mindless mantra we chant while wondering where to go out to eat after the service.
5. Stop playing U2 songs. I do like some of them, but they were never meant to be praise music. Either that or give equal time to other mainstream bands with spiritual material. I have a couple of metal/hard rock songs in mind if you want suggestions. Otherwise, lose them.
6. Does the male worship leader have to sing tenor? And play an acoustic guitar? Nothing against those guys personally, but it'd be less homogenized to see the baritone drummer or harmonica player take the lead sometime. I'd like to match notes with the guy, not feel like I'm trying to mimic Jack Johnson.
7. Don't be afraid of silence. Maybe tell the band that prayer time doesn't always need a soundtrack behind it.

Thank you for your consideration and correction. Or thank you for praying for my, probably according to some of you, "bitter and unenlightened soul."

Peace.

Random Thoughts Since 90% of My Blogs the Past Four Months Are Really Movie Reviews

- My new favorite debate show is Lewis Black's Root of All Evil.
- You will have to bribe me in order to go to the Holy Land Experience.
- I need to save money for a plane ticket to Japan.
- I need to save money for a plane ticket to California.
- I need to save money for a new computer.
- I need to save money.
- Or I need a better job.
- I need to investigate any Bible studies at my church.
- I need to attend services at my church.
- Fix the economy please.
- If I had the Hulk-like strength, I would powerbomb my car for all the frustration and wallet eating it has done the past month.
- I've never been so happy with politics then when Jim Lehrer forced both candidates to talk to each other as opposed to delivering speeches in front of each other like they did in the 2004 and 2000 debates.
- I said Sarah Palin looked like Tina Fey a two days before the press and SNL did.
- I need to finish my script.
- I never realized how disinterested I am in watching sports on TV.
- If I didn't have cable included with my regular rent, I wouldn't have it. I'd be able to watch all my shows on the internet...which oddly, is what I end up doing anyway.
- Every time I see President Bush on TV he looks like he is just repeating, "Only four more months to go, only four more months to go," in an endless cycle in his head.
- I wish I was back in Ohio just so I can register to vote and vote at the same time.
- I can't believe I just said, "I wish I was back in Ohio." *disclaimer- this excludes statements that have to do with visitation with family/friends.

Barnes at the Movies: Choke

Choke is a dark comedy based on the the novel by Chuck Palahniuk. Choke follows Victor (Sam Rockwell) a recovering sex addict that works at a colonial theme park. Victor's mother (Anjelica Huston) lives at a pricey hospital, suffering from Alzheimers, and in order to pay the bills Victor goes to fancy restaurants and intentionally chokes on the food in order to be rescued by a rich person and con them into giving him money. Victor's problems explode when he finds out that his mother has been keeping a secret regarding his birth.

Sam Rockwell does a great job as Victor. He's good at being the asshole that Victor is and yet is able to pull off the sincere, likeable moments of Victor. This man needs to be prominent in more movies and his rapport with critics is similar to Paul Giamatti's swooning of critical masses six years ago. He's going to get noticed by more people sooner or later. Huston is wonderful as Victor's loving, but disturbed mom. She does a great job making the audience love her, but make them frustrated with her parental choices...in fact, the audience feels the same way about her as Victor does.

Choke's cinematography and dialogue make it a great work of film art. The film's mood is funny and dark. It makes you laugh, but laugh uncomfortably. After laughing at certain moments in this film, I wondered if I wrote my own ticket to hell. The story is weird, twisted, yet surprisingly heartwarming. Don't get me wrong, if you are bothered by sexual content and the f-bomb, then stay away. Otherwise, check it out.

Barnes at the Movies: Tropic Thunder

I know that I'm over two months too late and most people have either seen this movie or gave it a pass, but you can check it out in the cheap-o theater (like I did) or on DVD in a couple months or so if you haven't seen it.

Tropic Thunder is a movie about the making of a movie. Ben Stiller plays an action movie star in the vein of Stallone/Ah-Nold whose career is floundering due to waning interest in the fourth installment of his action film franchise and a stinker performance as a mentally challenged boy in his last film. He is joined by an Australian, multi-Oscar winner (*cough* Russel Crowe *cough*) played by Robert Downey Jr., whose character undergoes a controversial surgery to turn his skin color from white to black for his upcoming role. They are joined by a drug addled, flatulence based comedian played by Jack Black that is definitely the imaginated love child of Chris Farley and Eddie Murphy. The three are cast in the Vietnam bio-pic, "Tropic Thunder," based upon a book by a 'Nam vet played by Nick Nolte. When the film is having trouble completing, it is decided that the movie be shot in thick jungles of Vietnam with hidden cameras. Hilarity ensues when the actors confuse a Vietnamese drug cartel as actors.

Tropic Thunder hits every note of what it is trying to spoof and satirize. There are many direct and subtle references to Vietnam war films like Platoon and Apocalypse Now in both dialogue and cinematography. The jokes are good and funny. The ha-ha's are not for everyone in that they are far from politically correct (Downey is in blackface after all and it does poke fun at the mentally challenged) and that there are buckets of blood and gore used for comedic effect. One out of every seven celebrities are in this movie, including a lot of people who probably wouldn't be involved in a comedy like this.

I enjoy Ben Stiller as a director and writer, but he essentially plays one of two characters in every movie. He is either an Nacissistic, healthnut idiot (Dodgeball, Zoolander) or a calm, nice, awkward fellow who later in the movie breaks into funny fits of rage (Meet the Parents, The Heartbreak Kid). In this movie, he's the former. It's a good performance, but I've seen it too many times. Jack Black is funny, but overshadowed by Stiller and Downey. He has great comedy potential, but he didn't seem to put a lot of effort into the performance. Downey stole the show with his great delivery, facials, and accents.

Tropic Thunder was the best comedy this summer, which isn't saying much for comedies in the summer of 2008. However, standing alone, the movie is a good, entertaining comedy that will provide good amounts of R-rated fun, but won't share space on the "Best Comedies" shelf alongside Dr. Strangelove, Young Frankenstein, and Airplane. Rent it when it's on DVD and get a few giggles.



However, in the movie's defense, it did make me hate Tom Cruise a little bit less.

Fall Films I'm Going to Watch

Appaloosa- Ed Harris and Aragorn from Lord of the Rings as cowboys? Sold. Renee Zellweger...well, I'm still gonna watch it.

Righteous Kill- The film might be fifteen years too late, I still want to see Al Pacino and Robert De Niro as two hardened NYC detectives.

Miracle at St. Anna- This seems to be a different Spike Lee joint as he tells the story about an all black American battalion trapped in a Tuscan village during WWII.

Choke- I loved the book by Chuck Paluhniak (the guy who wrote Fight Club) and the previews lead me to believe that this will be an entertaining, disturbing treat. I'm sure no one else in Florida would go see this film with me.

The Lucky Ones- Three strangers, all who happen to be US soldiers, are forced to share a rental car across the country as they resolve each of their personal missions.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist- A young man asks a stranger to pretend to be his girlfriend to feel less awkward around his ex-gf. However, when his faux girlfriend's drunken companion ends up missing, the two scramble across NYC to find her. Seems like a good date movie.

Religulous- Asshole comedian Bill Maher's documentary regarding faith in today's society. I'm intrigued to see if Maher has any good points to make or is just mocking people to feed his ego. It's directed by the same guy who did Borat, so I think it would end up being entertaining if nothing else.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People- Simon Pegg burns every bridge he's ever built while working for a New York magazine. Based upon the memoirs of a former writer for Vanity Fair.

RocknRolla- Guy Ritchie + Gerard Butler + British underground = Gonna Watch It.

W.- It's Oliver Stone, so I expect some conspiracy and mistruth thrown into the story, but I want to see his take on our 43rd president. Plus, in the posters Josh Brolin looks so much like Bush it's creepy.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno- Kevin Smith's newest flick looks to be crass, funny, but heartwarming in this story about two platonic, longtime friends who make a porno in order to solve their financial problems.

007: Quantum of Solace- It's a James Bond movie. Sold.

Transporter 3- Same stuff, different movie, will watch it anyway because I like Jason Statham.

Now, the movie I am looking forward to the most this fall:

The Wrestler- Finally, a movie featuring professional wrestling that isn't a comedy. Not only that IT DOESN'T PORTRAY WRESTLING AS A REAL SPORT! I'm sick of films either insulting the movie audience's intelligence by making the world of wrestling "real" or insulting fans of wrestling by portraying them in the movie as idiots who buy into the fantasy. Darren Aronofsky, the man that directed the most depressing (in a good way) film I have ever seen Requiem for a Dream wrote and directed a film about a fictional aging 80's wrestling icon, Randy "The Ram" Robinson (played by Sin City's Marv, Mickey Rourke) a beaten, broken has-been who once was a great wrestling champion now struggling to stay in the spotlight in the independent wrestling scene. As he continues to abuse his body for the art that he loves, he tries to make amends with his lesbian daughter while courting an aging stripper (Marissa Tomei). The movie has already won many accolades at the Toronto Film Festival and may influence many non-wrestling fans on what current pro-wrestling is and the problems the industry and its performers face. Rourke has mentioned on how he has spoken to Greg "The Hammer" Valentine as a reference to his character which seems to have a life that is a mix of Hulk Hogan and Jake "The Snake" Roberts with The Ultimate Warrior's physique. I hope this movie will spearhead a change the wrestling industry for the better, not by exploiting the dark underbelly of it, but shedding light on flaws that need to be addressed. I know that I'm gonna Fandango the tickets as soon it's released country wide.

Peace out.

Barnes at the Movies: Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading is the latest film from the Brothers Coen after their uber-successful No Country for Old Men and it goes back to the Coen's love of quirky, "wha-huh?" comedic storytelling than drama.

A CD containing the memoirs of a recently fired CIA agent fall into the hands of two air-headed gym employees. Hilarity and grand misunderstanding ensues.

Burn After Reading is a great dark comedy. Much of the plot and feeling of the film is like a previous Coen Bros.' favorite, Blood Simple, but with a more wacky and light filter to it. There are moments in which you need to look around you and ask yourself, "If I laugh at this, does it make me a bad person?"

John Malkovich angry is funnier than it should be. George Clooney and Brad Pitt are goofy as hell which is refreshing since they are casted against their usual type of "sexy-cool man." Tilda Swinton is more of the White Witch in this film than she was in Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Frances McDormand does a grand performance as our quirky, misguided personal trainer.

J.K. Simmons' role as the CIA big-wig is great in that he reacts to the film's story like many of the movie goers would. The plot in this film circles around and around. Like other Coen films such as The Big Lebowski, as soon as you think you have a handle on the plot you lose it.

Bottom line: if you know the Coens and like their other stuff, this should be up your alley. If you don't know, give it a shot. However, if you don't like being jolted around and prefer a standard, smooth story with a sense of closure then you probably should venture elsewhere.

Barnes at the Movies: Hamlet 2

Okay. I know this review is late, but it's because I did not feel like writing it. It's not worth it. Don't get me wrong, Hamlet 2 isn't the worst movie ever made. I don't think it's god awful. I feel that the movie is just like me writing this review...unnecessary.

Steve Coogan plays a failed actor turned drama teacher to a class full of street wise toughs. When he is informed that the theatre program is going to be cut due to costs, he writes and directs an unusual sequel to Hamlet that involves time travel, sex, and Jesus Christ with the class portraying the roles and doing the set design. After getting wind of the play's existence, it draws the ire of the public who threaten to shut the play down.

I'm not going to into individual performances because all the key actors are usually good, but seem to have been phoning it in this time around. Except for Elisabeth Shue who plays...well, Elisabeth Shue. The jokes are tired, tired, tired. I know that in Get Smart there were recycled gags from other films, but they at least put an original spin or tweak to make them their own. Hamlet 2 doesn't even try. The film's core audience are supposed to be shocked and appalled by the content, but the jokes seemed to be cut and pasted from various South Park scripts from three to five years ago.

Spoofing on Jesus has been done so much the past few years that even the most hardcore evangelicals don't even get annoyed by it anymore. It's not offensive because the line was already crossed to the point of being blurred away and it's not funny because we've already heard it before and better. It's like listening to that one douchebag at work do an entire Dane Cook comedy bit verbatim.

The pacing of the film was confusing. It seemed so slow, but the character development was WAY TOO FAST. It was like seeing an infant turn 34 years old within seconds while watching as a being outside of time. Much like Yahweh, "a day seems like a 1,000 years and a 1,000 years a day" when watching this movie.

That's enough. You get the point. Don't bother watching it. You've either already seen it or would be bored.

Don't Forget

Do something today to show your appreciation to the local police department, fire department, and your neighbor. NYC and everyone else needed all three elements to pick ourselves up after 9/11. Those relationships need to be nurtured. Hopefully for nothing like what happened that day, but we need to stand together. Peace.

Barnes at the Movies: Pineapple Express

I've been meaning to do this review for a while, but I was delayed due to a trip to Ohio, Tropical Storm Fay coverage here in Orlando, moving to a new apartment, and dealing with bullshit regarding my car and computers among other frustrations. But enough about me.

Pineapple Express is the latest comedy from the Apatow clan and is this summer's stoner comedy. Seth Rogen plays Dale Denton, a court-process clerk with a girlfriend still in high school and a strong affection for weed. Dale visits his dealer, Saul (James Franco), and purchases this new, exclusive bud called Pineapple Express. After the purchase and a little taste of it, Dale witnesses a cop killing by a drug lord and drops his roach en route to an escape. The drug lord (Bill Lumbergh himself, Gary Cole)picks up the joint and recognizes the weed being his exclusive Pineapple Express and goes on a hunt to get anyone with contact with the weed to kill off any potential witnesses.

Pineapple Express as a comedy is definitely not one of the best. A good stoner comedy is one that mainstream audiences can enjoy but potheads will appreciate more since they identify with the culture (I give you Half Baked as an example). This film is one that potheads would like, but those who don't pray to the Gods of Ganja will leave the theater with a slight "meh." The jokes are either not over-the-top enough to work or non-existent. The funniest part of the film is a long fight scene inside a California home and even I don't recall a distinctive part of it.

The mood of the film is confusing. It is a comedy, but there are so many scenes with gunfights and serious action that an average film goer might think they are watching outtakes from Bad Boys II. There is blood and serious drama so the movie has a hard time deciding what it's goal is. I assume that the serious, straight delivery was used in order to achieve comedic effect (think Airplane), but it goes too serious and thus no laughs achieved.

Seth Rogen is essentially playing the same character he was in Knocked Up, except without the audience rooting for him to grow up and be a man. This sucks because I think Rogen has the ability to do other characters but just chooses not to.

James Franco does a great job as Saul. While a dirty, dingy, dumb drug dealer (say that three times fast), the audience can enjoy his good-natured attitude and the love of his grandmother. Franco also does a good job of making the most of the mediocre material he was given. Since he is a pretty boy in most of the films he's been in, it's refreshing to see him cast against his type.

Gary Cole's character of Ted Jones, drug lord, was so underutilized that it's a crime. His screen time was minimal as was his love connection to a corrupt cop (Rosie Perez). I spent most of the movie wanting to know what they were doing while watching Rogen and Franco run around.

Technically the film looks good, but when watching a comedy everyone pays attention to the jokes and the story rather than the cinematography. As long as you don't make a scene too dark or overblown with light than you have done your job. They did their job here.

I guess with Pineapple Express, the verdict would be this: Seth Rogen has done better movies worth renting in the past and there are better pothead comedies worth renting as well. May I suggest Half Baked, Dazed and Confused, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and anything with Cheech and Chong in it. Pineapple Express is just like a night full of marijuana: an experience that no one will remember.

New Blog! From Me! Read It!

Along with this randomly-write-whatever-I-feel-like blog, I have started a new blog for people to read. It's called Pop Culture Religion and you can access it via the link on the side of this blog or at http://popculturereligion.blogspot.com/

Check it out. Have fun. More later this week.

Florida: Year One

At midnight tonight, I will have celebrated one full year of residing in Florida. Time has surely flown and much has happened. I moved to four separate residences, had three part time jobs, finally got a full time job in my field, did stand-up comedy in front of my largest audience since I debuted in Cincinnati, had my heart destroyed...again, made a couple of friends, took up a martial art, met two pro wrestling icons, attended a historic pro wrestling event, ate the biggest burger I've ever had, suffered great frustration, immense loneliness, and every day wake with a sense of "where-do-I-go-from-here?".

Things that I will do during my next year in Florida:
- Win a sparring match in Muay Thai.
- Get 30 minutes of killer comedy material.
- Finish my feature length film script (World War 2.5!)
- Do a short film with people from work.
- Find a job that will allow me to learn more and explore creatively.
- Fly to California to visit contacts...and maybe find work there.
- If given the finances, save for pro wrestling school.
- Become faster than I was in 2002 and stronger than I was in 2006.
- Write an average of at least one blog a week.
- As much as I hate it...I'll start dating *groan*.

That's it for now.

Stuff to look forward to on my blog the next couple days:
- Movie reviews of Pineapple Express and Hamlet 2
- A new, ongoing feature that I call Pop Culture Religion.

Peace.

My First Day of Muay Thai

Definition: Muay Thai, literally "Thai Boxing," is a form of martial art practiced in many South Asian countries and is Thailand's national sport. Muay Thai implements hands, elbows, shins, and knees which is why it is also called "The Art of the Eight Limbs."

So I need another way to let off some steam and get a good workout that is more than just lifting heavy things, so I looked up a dojo called "The Elite Fighting Academy" here in Orlando. They teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Capoeira, MMA, and Muay Thai, so I checked it out. The cheapest classes/training sessions available that worked into my work schedule was Muay Thai, so I decided to take the courses. I also decided to take it since I already had some knowledge of grappling (amateur wrestling) and I wanted to get a good cardio workout.

There is also something inside that just wanted to know if I could still take a punch, take a kick, and be able to deliver a solid strike in return. It's not that I want to injure anyone or am bloodthirsty, it's just something I'm compelled to find out; to test my physical prowess, match myself against my fellow man, and test my pain threshold in a "civilized" fashion. In Sam Sheridan's book, A Fighter's Heart, he discusses how man deep inside has a primal part of him that is the survival instinct; fight or flight. That there is a desire and need to confirm that if necessary, he can physically overcome any predator or threat. The part that screams in victory, "I WILL NOT BE EATEN TODAY!" I wanted to test my limits and train myself in that fashion. To fill that drive and pseudo-psychological need.

That and I also wanted to make some new friends outside of work.

So I walk into my first session in gym shorts and t-shirt. The instructor told that I would have to eventually purchase kick pads for my shins, hand wraps, and gloves in order to protect myself and others. I was given a pair of "loaner" gloves (complete with a gaping hole at the wrist in the left handed glove) and we got started. We did a lot of running, jumping jacks, and push-ups to warm up. I was proud that while I was the last in line, I wasn't lagging too far behind the little guys that were half my size and had great lung capacity.

The class size was small. There were three men easily shorter than 5'10", but built like they were carved out of oak. There was also a bright-eyed sixteen year old boy who was slightly taller than the other three, a little lanky and scrawny, but was able to stay in step with them. I figured I would easily be the largest man there at 6'4" and 270 lbs. I was wrong.

Due to my inexperience and size, I was paired up with a large man named T'Chaka. T'Chaka was 6'6" and easily weighed over probably about a me and a half. I would come to find out while practicing combinations and sparring with him that T'Chaka had been fighting in amateur circuits for over a decade in other disciplines, but was still a novice in Muay Thai. He was born and raised in Alaska and revealed to me that he was a graduate at the University of Dayton after he saw my Ohio University gym bag.

That's the weird and cool thing about fighting in a dojo. This large man kicked my thighs to the point that I had large purple bruises, Charlie horses, Willie ponies, and Johnny mustangs aching on my legs. He also had some free shots to my face. In Muay Thai training, the strikes are not at 100% but the speed and power are at a still threatening, painful 60%. I got a few shots in as well, but I sucked and because I didn't own any kickpads and neither did T'Chaka, my shins were bruising and killing me due to striking and blocking with them. T'Chaka knew what he was doing due to his experience edge. If it were a real fight, my legs would be obliterated at the knees and I would be vomiting up my teeth. To the layman, we should be rivals and shy away from each other except to fight/train; him being angry because I tagged him or me being angry because he owned me. Instead, we opened up and instantly became friends because of mutual respect along with challenging each other.

That's why many times in the Ultimate Fighting Championship and other violent sports, the victor hugs or thanks their opponent. There is a bond formed. For the victor it is "Thank you for giving your all to test me" proving that for today I will not be eaten in the wild. For the loser it is "Thank you for pushing me to be better" to learn my mistakes so I will not be eaten next time.

But enough philosophy.

I enjoyed my time despite my pain and soreness. I will go again and get better, get stronger, make more bonds, meet more people, make more friends in combat and hopefully just life as whole. I will become a better man physically, mentally, spiritually. I WILL NOT BE EATEN TODAY! I WILL EAT YOU!

Hacksaw Put Me Over

So the other night I called and spoke with my brother-from-another-mother, Rich, who is as big of a wrestling fanboy dork as I am. We were reminiscing while watching Monday Night RAW on our respective TV's in Orlando and Athens. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan was on TV (who always entertains me by his goofball antics, chants of "U-S-A!", and the fact his name is "Hacksaw" but he carries a 2x4 wooden board instead of the cutting implement) about to wrestle and we discussed about the time we shared a beer with him at a tavern after an independent wrestling show a few years ago.

Rich and I walked in the bar and many wrestlers from the show were there. They were all very friendly and cordial, especially since Rich and I just had regular "bar-talk" instead of the typical "remember back in when you were in WWE" talk that they usually get from fans. We sat at the bar and spoke with good ol' "Hacksaw" for a few minutes. He was a jolly gentleman and had the thickest pair of glasses I have ever seen. I think they were made out of 4-inch thick bulletproof glass. He politely excused himself because he wanted to "talk to the purty gurls." What? He didn't want to waste his free time with two large, bearded men-children? I then went to speak with B.G. James and Tracy Brooks while Rich was elsewhere. Rich and I then departed.

Now, I told you this story to tell you about this one. As Rich and I were reminiscing about that moment, he stated, "Yeah, Hacksaw was a cool guy until he lied to that kid."
"What?"
"You don't remember?"
"When was this?"
"You were there!"
"All I remember was his funny glasses and his golly-garsh perviness for women half his age."
"He lied to a kid."
"I was talking to B.G. James and Tracy."
"Oh, what happened was that a dad and a kid walked into the bar. The kid walked over to me and asked if I was Duggan (side note: Rich is 6'5" and is a large man like myself, so it's not surprising for the uninitiated to think he or I were wrestlers.), to which I corrected him and pointed to 'Hacksaw.'"
"Okay..."
"Anyway, the kid chats with Duggan who saw the whole incident, I guess he felt a little insulted, and the kid asks if you and I were wrestlers."
"Right.."
"Duggan then states that we were a new tag team and were going to be on WWE in a few weeks."
"What?"
"Yeah, so he lied to a kid. I can't believe you missed that."
"No, no, no, Rich. He didn't lie to the kid."
"What?"
"No. Think positively. Duggan wasn't lying to the kid. 'Hacksaw' put us over."*
"(Laughter) He did!"
"I'm going to write a blog about this."
"I'm going to have to read it."

So that is how I was put over by "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan without even wrestling him or knowing about it. True American.

*- Put over: verb, wrestling slang- To endorse a fellow wrestler, whether voluntarily or through coercion, to make them appear more popular or better despite whether the wrestler who benefits deserves it or not.

Random Rant Regarding Jesus

Okay. I don't know what specifically stirred this up, but I'm gonna go on a rant anyway. Maybe it's because I still haven't found a good church home (the one I'm going to...not working out) or whatever, but I'm tired of bullshit issues regarding my faith. I'm only an armchair theologian and a poor one at that, but here's what I know regarding Jesus:
- Jesus is not a Republican.
- Jesus is not a Democrat.
- Jesus loves gay people.
- Jesus loves people who make or watch porn.
- Jesus wants to console, not shame, those who have gotten an abortion.
- Jesus likes a good party (reference: water-to-wine at a wedding, various meals with his disciples).
- Jesus pities the delusional wealthy.
- Jesus pities the delusional.
- Jesus loves children.
- Jesus loves adults.
- Jesus loves the elderly.
- Jesus loves those who hate.
- Jesus was/is a misfit.
- Jesus hated the status quo.
- Jesus gave it to Caesar when it belonged to him.
- Jesus doesn't care about social status.
- Jesus doesn't care about whether you have stuff or don't have stuff.
- Jesus is crestfallen that many people treat themselves like their own God.
- Jesus knows that we all think of ourselves as our own God.
- Jesus is over it. Why are you clinging on to your guilt?
- Jesus doesn't care how you eat your cracker and drink your wine.
- Jesus loves those who don't believe he exists or is God.
- Jesus loves those who aren't sure if he exists or is God.
- Jesus loves those who think he is just a prophet.
- Jesus hates the concept that salvation and love is bought or earned.
- Jesus had to defecate like anyone else.
- Jesus tipped over the tables.
- Jesus didn't throw a stone.

I would have just stated, "Jesus loves" but that bumper sticker unfortunately lost a good chunk of weight a long time ago when it became a slogan instead of an example.

Barnes at the Movies: The Dark Knight...In IMAX!

Disclaimer: Let me warn all of you. This review is going to be pretty lengthy and not in a short bite like most of my movie reviews. No spoilers will be revealed, but at the same time I'll get into some story and character detail. I don't know if it is because of all that needs to shared about the film or the fact that I am a huge Batman fan (probably more of the latter), but this is going to be a haul. Grab a snack, a beverage, and use the restroom before reading. End Disclaimer.

Let me tell you about The Dark Knight. The Batman franchise was resurrected from the 1990's by Christopher Nolan, director and front runner of Memento and The Prestige (which if you haven't seen, stop reading and go to your local Blockbuster), in the form of Batman Begins. This film was yet another retelling of the Hamlet-esque story of the Batman. We have all heard/read/seen one version of it or another. Bruce Wayne's rich parents were murdered in front of his eyes in the back alley of a theater when he was eight years old. In the years that followed, the orphan dedicated his life to intense training and study, to live as a shadow on the side of justice, the Batman. The villains, the tone, and the quality of the storytelling has varied over the past seventy (yes, seventy) plus years of the character's existence, but the basic elements remain unchanged; the human body can alter it's muscle size, fat content, and skin tone, but it's skeletal structure remains the same.

Nolan, along with writer David Goyer and the cast of Batman Begins, created what many believe to be the quintessential Caped Crusader tale. Bruce Wayne studies various martial arts, the criminal mind, and various sciences throughout his life and returns back to Gotham to become a symbol that not only criminals fear, but inspires Gotham's other denizens to clean up and salvage their city from self destruction. The Batman was needed to weed out the mob which was infused into Gotham's societal infrastructure, to go places and commit actions no regular man would be able to do. To save you from reading two movie reviews, I'll just say pick this movie up and watch it before Dark Knight.

Now, onto the review as labeled. Nolan has jumped over the oh-so-typical sophomore hump/complaint of "well, it was good, but not as good as the original." Dark Knight did what sequels should always set out to do. It kept the elements from the original film, but enhanced and matured them. It also introduces new characters and conflicts without force-feeding them onto the viewer. Essentially, this film is on an elite list of sequels that not only are better than the original, but make you question whether or not you'll watch the first film ever again.

I will watch Batman Begins again on my DVD player in the future...but only to prep myself to watch Dark Knight on DVD immediately afterward.

Dark Knight continues Nolan's new Batman mythos shortly after Begins, in which Batman/Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) has become the symbol of hope for Gotham...however it is not without consequence. Copycat Batmen run wild in the city and with the mob in disarray they turn to a man in which they don't fully understand or trust, The Joker (the late Heath Ledger). Joker chokes Gotham into paranoia and fear, stating that his murders will cease once the Batman publicly unmasks.

Meanwhile, Bruce is still pining for his sweetheart, Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal) while she assists (and dates) new, straight-laced district attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). Believing that Dent could become a new, less-frightening face of justice in Gotham to replace the Batman, Wayne as himself and his alter-ego support Dent in his quest to clean up Gotham. Perhaps then the Batman would no longer be needed and Bruce can commit his life to being with Rachel.

The look of the film and color scheme is the same as the first film, however there are actually more scenes during daylight and brighter surroundings than the previous movie. However, this does not distract the audience from the dark tone of the content. Seeing this film in IMAX was a visual buffet. There are many shots of skyscrapers that took me out of my seat and into the film to the point that I wondered if I was going to fall and plummet to the streets below. The effects and CGI in the movie were well done, however if there was one nit-picky (and this is a tiny, tiny nit) complaint it would be that a certain villain in the film's face can take you out of the otherwise realistic world that Nolan has crafted.

The story is not really a Batman story. It's a ensemble story featuring Batman, Joker, and Harvey Dent as the main three. Batman/Bruce Wayne probably has the most screen time but by less than two minutes. The pacing of the movie is fantastic, there is never a moment in which the audience is bored or overly stimulated. The suspense takes the proper enough time to tease and mildly annoy the viewer without them getting pissed off or feel cheated. The fight scenes have vastly improved since the first film, having Nolan widening the space out and using less frantic camera work in order to see how the Batman takes down his opposition with cold calculation. The murders in the film are intense and the dialogue fits the characters, but I don't recall seeing any gore nor do I recall hearing any character swear in the film. In this day and age, it is very difficult to pull off a movie of this kind without at least a mayo jar filled with blood and the word "damn." With this story, I would debate that this movie falls more in the category of "crime film" than "comic book movie."

With the acting, I'll start with the less and move up toward the best. Maggie Gyllenhaal (whose last name I have trouble remembering how to pronounce verbally) does a better job as Rachel Dawes than Katie Holmes did in the first movie, but that doesn't say much. It's not that she did a bad job, but even in the first movie the character was a bit of an afterthought and seemed like a forced love interest that studios usually push on a film franchise with such a male-heavy cast. In this movie, her character isn't much different and there are other things going on that you care more than whether or not she'll choose to be with Bruce Wayne or Harvey Dent. She comes off as whiny and seems to flip on her damsel-in-distress switch and flip off back into her independent-female-assistant-district-attorney in mere seconds. Aside from influencing certain parts of the main characters' motivations, her character and presence seem largely irrelevant. More relevant than in the first film, but still not too important. Like asking for your burger to have extra lettuce. While I don't blame Gyllenhaal for her character to be written in this manner, her performance doesn't stand out to elevate her role in the film.

Michael Caine as Wayne's dry-witted and doting butler, Alfred Pennyworth, does a great job as always. Caine pulled it off once again and seems comfortable in his role as the comedic yet wise mentor to the young Master Bruce. His character seems to grow more and more important to Wayne as the franchise continues.

Morgan Freeman's role got a little bit fatter as Lucius Fox, the man in charge of Wayne Enterprises' day-to-day activities and technological genie for the Batman. Freeman's character gets a little bit more fleshed out than in the first movie and he has more interaction with Wayne and Batman aside from being the "less-I-know, less-I-tell" R&D man from the first film. Freeman does an excellent job but that's far from surprising.

Here's a side note: Random actors to look for in this film include Cillian Murphy, Anthony Michael Hall (yes, Breakfast Club's Anthony Michael Hall), Eric Roberts, and Nestor Carbonell (from the short-short lived live action The Tick television series). Enjoy.

Gary Oldman's role as Lt. James Gordon, Batman's greatest ally and police connection, is greatly increased and is used much more efficiently than in the first film. Oldman's performance adequately conveys the character's weary yet determined demeanor. Oldman understands that he needs to display Gordon as a compassionate, gentle man forced to put up a stone-hearted front much of the time. Oldman's performance doesn't disappoint and is important to the franchise's future. The relationship between Gordon and Batman gets more complex when the film comes to a close.

If it weren't for Heath Ledger's performance (more on that later) there would be more praise for Aaron Eckhart's performance as Harvey Dent. Eckhart is relatively unknown to most casual movie fans, or is known in that all to often "I've seen him in something before, what was it...shoot, this is gonna bug me the rest of the day" context. Unless you count his role in the comedy Thank You for Smoking as his breakthrough performance (which I don't, sorry), Eckhart will be known to most of the public as Harvey Dent. Eckhart does a good job portraying the dedicated and morally tested Dent, along with performing as...well, that'd be telling. While throughout 3/4ths of the film, I thought his character was used brilliantly, I was surprised on his character's future at the end of the film. I like what they are doing/did, but at the same time it leaves many questions open which unfortunately probably won't involve the character.

Christian Bale will be considered by many to be the top face behind the cowl of Batman. Bale is much skinnier this time around (probably because of his super-diet for Rescue Dawn) and claiming that Batman needed more focus on speed than power. Bale is able to consistently keep the Batman and Bruce Wayne as both separate characters in the same body. This time around, Batman/Bruce feels like he has bitten off more than he can chew and is unsure on whether or not Batman is truly what Gotham needs. Is the Batman lancing Gotham's boils or just opening them up to invite a more sinister infection? Bale is able to keep this uncertainty and uneasiness within his character and facial expressions even during the action scenes.

Now unto Heath Ledger as the Joker. Before the movie came out, many interviews with the cast and many film critics praised him for his performance. I was skeptical. I always am whenever the press fawns over actors/actresses, especially if they make a "brave choice" or the film was the performer's last full piece of work. "Oh, Nicole Kidman wore a fake nose in The Hours, she's so daring!" "One has to watch Street Fighter to witness Raul Julia's final performance."

Frankly, I was originally concerned about hearing Ledger's name when it was announced for the Joker role. I admit, he was good in Brokeback Mountain (you know, the gay cowboy movie), however nothing else was outstanding. The main movies he was known for before that one were 10 Things I Hate About You as a dreamy slob turned hunk, Mel Gibson's son in the Braveheart-wannabe The Patriot, and in A Knight's Tale as...well, a knight. A knight that rocks out to Queen. Doesn't sound like much to work with or reference to for a major villain role. I hate to say this, but the hype is right and I am wrong. The Joker captivated me the whole way.

The Joker's role in the Batman mythos is jumbled and hard to explain to the uninitiated. In the comics, his origin is sketchy at best. He is a failed comedian turned to crime..or is he an unknown mob henchman that fell into a vat of acid and became insane...he could be Batman's parents' killer...maybe a criminal named Jack Napier...might be just some psychopath that needs attention... maybe some of those together...maybe all of them together...maybe none...I give up. The Joker's story of how he became the Joker and life before being the Joker is a mystery that even Batman has not solved.

Because of this and other reasons, there have been many interpretations on how to present the character on the screen. In the 1960's TV series, Caesar Romero's Joker was slap happy and wacky, often more concerned out of getting a laugh out at Gotham's expense and make a quick buck than actually causing serious damage. 1989's Batman had Jack Nicholson play the Joker like...well, Jack Nicholson having fun being a sadistic clown. Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker himself) had much praise as the Joker in the 1990's Batman: The Animated Series depicting a bipolar groan-inducing comic that seems to want to make Batman smile more than kill him...but not by much.

If Nolan and Ledger's take the Joker were put in the same room with the other interpretations of Joker, the other Jokers would either flee in fear...or be killed. The other Jokers were snappy dressers wearing bright, vibrant colors and pastels. Ledger's Joker's clothing is drab, wrinkled, and dirty. Other Jokers stand upright, make wild body movements, speak very vibrantly, and have constant toothy grins. Ledger's Joker is slumped over, moves mostly to act not to posture, speaks calmly and directly most of the time, and smiles mostly because...well, it's permanently carved into his face. Unlike past Jokers there are no stories of acid changing his hair color and skin complexion, nor clown gimmicks like lethally electric joy-buzzers or corsages shooting acid. In its place is a sloppily painted maw, stringy green-blond hair, and pockets filled with knives and grenades. Ledger's acting reminded me more of some of my clients that I worked with as a mental health social worker than the over-the-top buffoon madman that is usually seen. Think John Wayne Gacy rather than a mischief-making Bozo.

Ledger's Joker is three parts psychopath, two parts terrorist, one part criminal genius, and a pinch of a jester. I cannot recall a character in which I would laugh out loud at his behavior in one moment and in the next moment be legitimately terrified. The Joker is a man who considers murder as natural as breathing. As Batman is a symbol of hope, order, and harmony, the Joker is a symbol of despair, chaos, and mass hysteria. Ying and Yang. In many interviews, the crew and cast stated that Ledger kept a "Joker Diary" (which I like to call "Ledger's Ledger") writing down thoughts in character. I'd love to read some of it to see what else this Joker thinks. I'm not going to say "Ledger is going to get a posthumous Oscar nomination" because there are still six months worth of films to be released. However, this is by far Ledger's best performance and it has and will be immortalized for the years to come.

Now I am not going to give out the actual ending. That would ruin it for you. However, I will say one thing.

Joker wins.

I highly recommend that you watch this movie. It is one of the best films I've seen in a long time and I saw a lot of good movies this year. In fact, I think I'm going to see it again in the theater and I usually don't like to spend the money to do that. You will thank me for it and I want to see if you agree with my viewpoint of the ending. Why so serious? Go have a Dark Knight.

Preparing for the Dark Knight

List of what I will do/have done this week in preparation for the Dark Knight in IMAX this Friday.
- Play all episodes of Batman: The Animated Series on my DVD player.
- View the 1960's Batman: The Movie with commentary from Adam West and Burt Ward!
- Read Batman: Year One
- Read The Dark Knight Returns
- Read The Dark Knight Strikes Again (Yeah, I know it's not nearly as good as the first.)
- Obtain my 50th Batman action figure for my Batman Shrine (I know,I'm a little sick in the head.)
- Try to find/obtain a DVD with the original 1940's Batman film serials featuring Batman and Robin fighting The Wizard!
- Go to Barnes and Noble and skim through "Batman and Philosophy"
- Do the Batusi!
- Read Batman: The Long Halloween
- Read Batman: Dark Victory
- Believe in Harvey Dent
- Watch 1989's Batman
- Read Batman: The Killing Joke (featuring a possible origin of the Joker)
- Read all my current issues of All Star Batman and Robin
- Watch Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
- Watch Batman Begins (naturally)
- Recite the words "And Bill Finger" when reading "Batman created by Bob Kane" on film credits and in the books

Why so serious? Review of Dark Knight next week.

Barnes at the Movies: Hellboy 2 - The Golden Army

For those of you who didn't watch the first Hellboy (which is a shame because you'd probably should), it is yet another movie based off of a successful comic book franchise. In the 1940's, the Nazis performed a summoning that was thwarted by the Allies, but not without something coming from the portal to the underworld. It was a baby demon with a large right hand made of stone. The demon was taken in and raised in the U.S. military. The troops gave him a name. They called him Hellboy. Now, Hellboy and those like him serve in the ultra classified Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, an organization that...well, let me steal a line from the first movie: "There are things that bump in the night. We are the ones who bump back." The film introduced Hellboy along with his teammates. First, Abraham Sapien, a telepathic fish man, and Elizabeth Sherman, an unstable pyrokinetic and Hellboy's love interest. I'll let you fill in the rest of the details by watching it.

Hellboy 2 starts off with a legend that long ago of the kingdoms of humankind and the mythical waged war upon each other. After many battles, the Woodland King of the mythical raised the the Golden Army, an unstoppable force that nearly destroyed all of mankind, with his crown being the controlling force behind the army. Deciding that the Golden Army was too powerful, the King split his crown into three pieces, giving one of the pieces to mankind in exchange for a truce. Man would keep the land and the mythical would keep the forests. Years and years later, when humankind's piece of the crown is stolen during an artifact auction, the B.P.R.D. is on the case.

Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and Elizabeth (Selma Blair) going through a rough patch in their relationship, much like any couple would when they move in together...only involving a firestarter and a demon that loves Baby Ruths and cats. Meanwhile, Abe Sapien (Doug Jones) longs for companionship and understanding while B.P.R.D. director, Tom Manning (the hilarious and wonderful Jeffrey Tambor) is trying to keep Hellboy in check and out of the public eye. In light of Hellboy's constant insubordination, Manning brings in B.P.R.D. European associate named Johann Kraus (voiced by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane), an ectoplasmic medium trapped in a containment suit, to lead the team and follow protocol. Can the misfits get their act together and protect mankind from the threat of the Golden Army's resurrection?

The movie is just as good as the first, however it travels more to the weird creatures than ghosts, demonic creatures, and the undead that dominated the first one. Director Guillermo Del Toro sculpts a grand world full of imaginative abominations. Del Toro's team did a great job mixing both CGI and costuming together to mesh and mold each monster. The look of the film is more like Del Toro's often praised Pan's Labyrinth than the first Hellboy. The scene in the Troll's Market is reminiscent of the now-classic Cantina scene in the original Star Wars in regards to it's plethora of busy-body creatures.

Ron Perlman makes Hellboy his own with his wiseguy delivery; imagine John McClane from Die Hard looking like Tim Curry from Legend. Doug Jones does a great job being Abe, lending his voice now that David Hyde Pierce abandoned the role he took in the first film. Selma Blair delivers as Liz and is used much better than in the first movie. The stand-out is Seth MacFarlane who has spot on delivery as Johann with both his German accent and being able to deliver his lines, comedic or otherwise, without sounding too cartoony like his...well, cartoon.

The film's themes continue from the first movie. The themes of being different and the desire to be accepted, along with the debate of fate versus choice. Hellboy, mind you, is supposed to bring the destruction of the world. His true name is Ahnung Un Rama (Son of the Fallen One), you know. He is destined to damn us, but as of now, chooses to help mankind. These themes are touched upon in this film and leaves room for possible growth (possible foreshadowing) if there is a third movie.

Despite the dark, grotesque look of the film, Hellboy 2 is mostly lighthearted and fun...and it oddly fits. Much like the characters in the film, it looks scary, but is friendly once you get acquainted. If you want a decent story, love monsters, and like good action, check it out.

Oh, and there is a great scene featuring Barry Manilow's "I Can't Smile Without You." Enjoy.

Barnes at the Movies: WALL-E

Man. Pixar. They come out with a new film virtually every year and every year they hit it out of the park (even with the not-as-great-as-most Cars). However, most Pixar films not only do well because of the cutting-edge animation and great storytelling, but because of the stars that voice the characters. This year, however, there are no star studded voice actors. Unless you count Jeff Garlin (who you wouldn't know unless you are a fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm), John Ratzenberger (who Pixar has in every movie), Fred Willard (that sorta funny guy that you always seem to recognize but have no idea from where), and brief lines from Sigourney Weaver(okay, she's a legit star), then there are no stars in this movie. The character of WALL-E even looks like Johnny 5 from the Short Circuit films. With those hindrances, can the film live up to Pixar's stellar reputation?

WALL-E lives up. Surpasses. Enters a new galaxy.

WALL-E is a story about a Waste Allocation Load Lifter- Earth class or WALL-E. WALL-E's task is to clean up an abandoned Earth that has been stockpiled with garbage. Earth's denizens have apparently left on a giant spaceship brought to you by the corporate juggernaut Buy N' Large, leaving WALL-E to clean up Earth until it is hospitable for humans to return and live upon. While WALL-E performs his designed task, he curiously explores and collects various items of interest along with a pet cockroach. When a spaceship lands on Earth, WALL-E is introduced to another robot named EVE, however her directives are classified. Smitten, WALL-E tries to woo EVE into holding hands...er, claws...er, clamps. Anyway, that's when the story really gets going and EVE's purpose is revealed.

The animation in WALL-E is fantastic. The character models are distorted and "cartoony" but it looks like every shadow, every speck of dirt, every hair, and every freckle is real. The art direction is fantastic and every little nuance adds to the film. You know you are doing a good job making your characters emote when most of the cast consists of ROBOTS.

The film has very, very little dialogue however there is never a moment in which you are lost or confused in following the story or the characters' motivations. The story is a fantastic Disney tale with a little bit of social commentary regarding the environment and consumerism culture that doesn't come off as too preachy (hypocritically though, six months from now this movie will be sold at Walmart alongside WALL-E t-shirts and action figures). As with Christopher Reeves making you believe a man can fly in Superman, WALL-E makes you believe a robot can love.

I cannot recommend this movie enough. As of this writing, I consider WALL-E to be the best movie of 2008. Not best animated. Not best summer flick. BEST FILM.

So watch it. Get off the computer and watch it. It's worth the money. Oh, you don't like animated movies? Get over it. Watch it. Ashamed to watch a "kid's movie" at your age? Go with your niece/nephew. Take your friend's kid (he/she would probably thank you for two child-free hours). Sit next to a six year old, I don't care. Just do yourself a favor and go.

Go!

GO!!!

Barnes at the Movies: Wanted

I went to see the movie Wanted just because I was a fan of the graphic novel. I knew like many movies that it was only loosely based off the source material, but I wanted to see the cinema spin on the story.

Wanted follows Wesley Gibson (The Last King of Scotland's James McAvoy), a twenty-something cubicle dweller that hates his job, his boss, and life in general. Wesley's emasculating girlfriend is also screwing his best friend and Wesley practically lives off his anti-anxiety medication. All that changes when he finds out that he is the son of a great assassin.

Wesley is recruited in the Fraternity, a league of noble assassins that have been in existence for over 1,000 years, through his father's colleagues, Fox (Angelina Jolie) and the head of the Fraternity, Sloan (Morgan Freeman). The Fraternity picks up Wesley and trains him in the deadly arts, including the supernatural-Matrix-esque bullet curving. The Fraternity wishes that Wesley take the mantle of his father and take out a rogue Fraternity agent that happens to be his father's killer. Meh.

The first 20 minutes of the movie followed the graphic novel pretty well then just made up the rest as it went along. Mind you, for the sake of the review, I'm not judging the movie based off of accuracy of the book, but it is still a meh-movie. There were some cool moments in the film, but the story's plot twist wasn't really twisty, the dialogue seemed hackneyed. The special effects weren't bad, but if you have seen The Matrix then it's nothing you haven't seen before nor something you haven't seen improved upon. It attempted to be an action film with a good story, but turned into a stock R-rated action film in which characters shoot guns and say "fuck" a lot.

Angelina Jolie was one of the main selling points of this movie, but she does very little acting and seems to be hired to just look sexy while holding a gun. That and a gratuitous shot of her bare ass. James McAvoy did a decent job as the Wesley Gibson character and was the highlight of the film. Morgan Freeman was phoning it in, but Freeman phoning it in is better than most actors doing their Oscar best.

In other words, this movie isn't the worst I've ever seen, but it didn't leave any lasting impression on me positive or negative. Not good, not terrible, just...meh. The film might be Wanted, but it's gotta look for someone else to fill that void.

Barnes at the Movies: Get Smart

I saw Get Smart yesterday and overall, it was an okay movie. Brief synopsis: Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell) is an analyst for C.O.N.T.R.O.L. who recent passed an exam for becoming a field agent. C.O.N.T.R.O.L.'s main purpose is to thwart the evil doings of K.A.O.S., a sinister organization that has been thought dead since the 1960's. After C.O.N.T.R.O.L.'s secret headquarters have been compromised when it is believed K.A.O.S. has stolen the makings of a nuclear device, it is up to Smart and Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway) to stop K.A.O.S. with the guidance of the Chief (Alan Arkin) and Agent 23 (Dwayne "Seriously, man, accept the fact you are still going to be known as The Rock" Johnson).
First, the cons of the movie. You've seen this movie before. Trust me, you have. The plot is totally predictable at every single turn. That being said, even though I have seen this movie before with a different title, it's a good movie that I remember seeing.

The jokes are funny and, in my opinion, that takes precedence over mediocre plot when it comes to comedy. Don't get me wrong, if a comedy has a great plot and great jokes then it's pure, re-watchable gold, but if the comedy's jokes suck along with a weak plot then there is no reason to see the film in the first place. Example being, did anyone watch Airplane for the story? My point stands.

Steve Carell is Michael Scott from TV's The Office as Maxwell Smart. Depending on your viewpoint, this can be a pro or a con. Those who think "pro" are intrigued at the Michael Scott character put into a secret agent position (which is eerie since the Michael Scott character lived out this fantasy in a screenplay he wrote about secret agent named Michael Scarn called Threat Level: Midnight). Those that think "con" would have liked to see Carell try a different approach or think that they could see Michael Scott for free on TV as opposed to forking money to see a flick.

With the main cons being predictability and Carell being his TV character, I wish to give a list of pros and stuff to look forward to if you do choose to see the movie:
- Dwayne "Dude, you just had a three disc DVD of your greatest wrestling matches released last week, no one is going to think of calling you anything but The Rock" Johnson's best performance since Be Cool.
- Two words, one man, too-small-of-a-role: PATRICK WARBURTON.
- Alan Arkin being the funniest wise-ass in this whole movie.
- Dalip "The Great Khali" Singh in his best performance inside or outside a wrestling ring. He gets a lot of screen time, too. Go to the movie just to donate more money to the poor children of Punjab.
- Good jokes that don't get run into the ground.
- Anne Hathaway is easy on the eyes.
and the most important "pro" in this movie...
- Bill Murray, in a cameo, from inside a tree. No, not on top of a tree. INSIDE A TREE. Awesome.

So, if you got a few bucks and a no-nothing afternoon, go to a cheap matinee. That or rent it and watch it with friends when it is released on DVD. The movie was almost a must-see, but "missed it by that much."