So, my real birthday sucked because I had to go to a substitute teacher orientation which was eight hours of "Okay, everyone, what you need to do is follow the lesson plan and don't molest the kids...seriously, don't molest the kids...okay, if you started molesting the kids, just stop...follow the school's dress code...what did I tell you about molesting kids!" I was in a room with 40 people with only 15 of them that I would allow to teach my children if I had any. There were also three videos we watched that featured the most robotic acting of all time. Optimus Prime had more to emote than the head of the staffing agency. I also had to rush over to a lab to take a drug test after the orientation, which meant I had to hold it for over an hour so I could produce a specimen. The best part of the day was also awkward in that the person that will be referred to in this blog as Ex-Cheryl, took me to an authentic Irish pub and bought me food and beer.
Ex-Cheryl went out of her way to tell me that I was great guy, attractive, and that I'll find someone special someday. In other words, she said the same fucking phrase that I have heard since I was in seventh grade. So I told her that I heard that same bullcrap since seventh grade and quite frankly it'd be refreshing and new if a woman would reject me by calling me an asshole and throwing a drink at my face. It wouldn't be pleasant, but that would at least be different. She responded by buying me more beer. Damn straight.
Needless to say, it wasn't a great birthday...so I decided to fix that the next day. I celebrated my 25 years and one day by doing the following:
- Listening to "Birthday Dethday" by Dethklok
- Going to a greasy spoon diner and having a stack of waffles, scrambled eggs, beef sausage, and coffee given to me by weary waitress that called me "sugah."
- Going to ACME Toys (yes, it exists) and getting a Joe Swanson from Family Guy action figure, along with Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph (the best Christmas character not named Jesus), and a special edition Simpsons action figure of Stephen Hawking (complete with spring-loaded boxing glove and helicopter propellers).
- Getting the Street Fighter Alpha Anthology for PS2 for some 2-D fighting goodness.
- Watching "The Bucket List" (Quick review: Forget about the predictable plot, if I were to ask you, "Would you like to see Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson hang out for 2 hours?" You would have to say, "Yes...yes, I would.")
- Cook a huge pizza and watching Mystery Science Theater and wrestling for the rest of the night.
While I would have preferred to have hung out with my buddies (most which of probably reading this blog), I think I had a pretty good day after birthday by myself. Hope all is well and take it easy everyone.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
There is no Cheryl
Cheryl decided to pursue other ventures/people. It sucks, but life moves on. Week of my birthday, too. *Sigh*. Oh well. For those of you that don't get this message, I'll allow the people that get the inside joke fill you in.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
IT'S FICTION PART 2: It's 2008. We can listen to 300 hours of music on a device smaller than a Kit-Kat Bar, but not irradicate dumbasses?
Alright. This is stupid. You've heard of the "Golden Compass" right? No? Well, it's a popular children's fantasy book series that was recently released as a movie that kinda sucks. The major controversy being that the book and presumably the movie had several anti-relgious overtones, most specifically against Catholicism. The good-guy characters apparently are fighting against their version of God. Not "God" god. Not "Yahweh." Not "Buddha." Not even "Thor." A fictional god. So Christian zealots that were still buzzing over "The Da Vinci Code" found a new target. They were worried that the children might be influenced into being non-God fearing people. That the children would be theologically spoiled due to a film featuring a little girl riding an armored polar bear like a horse. The media yawned and ridiculed them. Rightfully so, I might add. Man, I feel dirty. I just sided with the media. *shudder*
Well, the movie bombed. However, I tell you this story to tell this other story. One of the previews attached to "The Golden Compass" was a trailer to "Prince Caspian" the latest film to be churned out of the "Chronicles of Narnia." This is ironic, in that a "Christian fantasy" film is being advertised on a supposed "Atheist fantasy."
Well, the atheists, who usually are too apathetic or too snooty to go out their way to protest anything aside from "In God We Trust" being printed on money, are seen picketing outside theaters. They were concerned about the Christian subtext influencing their children. How dare our government allow a film to influence our children to believe in a higher being!
"I just can't believe this," said Leah Jones, mother of three and proud atheist. "I can't believe that they would allow children to be exposed to this kind of thing without warning!"
Wow. Just take out the word "atheist" and put "Christian" instead. It sounds like the typical protest tale Christians usually take crap for doing. Well, atheists, I've ranted and raved at Christians for the "Da Vinci Code" in a previous blog (check my blog archives under the title "IT'S FICTION!"). Now, it's time for your spanking.
First off, hypocrites, if you mock Christians for boycotting "illuminating" or "challenging" materials then you shouldn't do the same. Secondly, where the hell were you less than three years ago when "Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" came out into theaters? A little late to cry foul, huh? Especially since that movie was an allegory for Easter which is the very base of the faith that you are intending to fight (much like how Christians fought strongly against the "Da Vinci Code" rather than the more controversial "Angels and Demons"). Plus, if you were really against the movie and gave a real damn you would have protested the movie while it was in production. Fuck, it was announced a mere few weeks after "Wardrobe" was released.
Thirdly, and the most important, IT'S FICTION! You know? Like Harry Potter, Scooby-Doo, and Scientology. You don't believe in this anyway, so how is it different than any other fantasy? Are you going to ban your kids from anything with any form of deity in it?
"Sorry, Timmy, you can't study Greek history."
"Why, Pop?"
"Because I didn't raise you to learn about Zeus."
If you look into most pieces of literature, fantasy especially, you'll be hard pressed not to find Gods, ghosts, spirits, summons (a prayer allegory), and angels. I guarantee one out three books has a Christ-like figure in them. The other thing is that you can just say "It's only a story, it's pretend." I doubt that the 8 year olds that this film is intended for will to watch this film will go home and say, "Wow, that Aslan is obviously representing God/Christ and his actions/dialogue in the film reflect much that is written in this Bible that I keep hearing about...etc." They will probably say, "I liked the talking lion and the swords and the magic and the animals and the fighting and the...etc." Do you know why? Because that's what I thought when I was that age.
What's the matter? Afraid of something that would be "challenging" to the beliefs (or in this case, unbeliefs) you want instilled in your kids? If it bothers you that much, don't take them to see the movie or read the books. Or just say, "It's fiction, lions can't talk." Besides, nowadays it's easier to put Jesus or Aslan alongside Mickey Mouse, Lion-O, and Popeye than convince kids that he's God's boy...or lion.
My point is that much like Christians can't keep their kids in the Christ-bubble forever, atheists can't keep their kids away from religous influence. Hell, are you going to prevent your kids from voting when they are old enough? The top contenders for 2008 include two Methodists, a Baptist preacher, a Catholic, and a Mormon. My hope is that Christians and atheists would let their kids look at each others worlds for a while, play together, and then let them learn from experiences on both ends of the spectrum. That way they will grow up into knowledgable people and get a job as opposed to picketing over nonsense like children's movies.
Well, the movie bombed. However, I tell you this story to tell this other story. One of the previews attached to "The Golden Compass" was a trailer to "Prince Caspian" the latest film to be churned out of the "Chronicles of Narnia." This is ironic, in that a "Christian fantasy" film is being advertised on a supposed "Atheist fantasy."
Well, the atheists, who usually are too apathetic or too snooty to go out their way to protest anything aside from "In God We Trust" being printed on money, are seen picketing outside theaters. They were concerned about the Christian subtext influencing their children. How dare our government allow a film to influence our children to believe in a higher being!
"I just can't believe this," said Leah Jones, mother of three and proud atheist. "I can't believe that they would allow children to be exposed to this kind of thing without warning!"
Wow. Just take out the word "atheist" and put "Christian" instead. It sounds like the typical protest tale Christians usually take crap for doing. Well, atheists, I've ranted and raved at Christians for the "Da Vinci Code" in a previous blog (check my blog archives under the title "IT'S FICTION!"). Now, it's time for your spanking.
First off, hypocrites, if you mock Christians for boycotting "illuminating" or "challenging" materials then you shouldn't do the same. Secondly, where the hell were you less than three years ago when "Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" came out into theaters? A little late to cry foul, huh? Especially since that movie was an allegory for Easter which is the very base of the faith that you are intending to fight (much like how Christians fought strongly against the "Da Vinci Code" rather than the more controversial "Angels and Demons"). Plus, if you were really against the movie and gave a real damn you would have protested the movie while it was in production. Fuck, it was announced a mere few weeks after "Wardrobe" was released.
Thirdly, and the most important, IT'S FICTION! You know? Like Harry Potter, Scooby-Doo, and Scientology. You don't believe in this anyway, so how is it different than any other fantasy? Are you going to ban your kids from anything with any form of deity in it?
"Sorry, Timmy, you can't study Greek history."
"Why, Pop?"
"Because I didn't raise you to learn about Zeus."
If you look into most pieces of literature, fantasy especially, you'll be hard pressed not to find Gods, ghosts, spirits, summons (a prayer allegory), and angels. I guarantee one out three books has a Christ-like figure in them. The other thing is that you can just say "It's only a story, it's pretend." I doubt that the 8 year olds that this film is intended for will to watch this film will go home and say, "Wow, that Aslan is obviously representing God/Christ and his actions/dialogue in the film reflect much that is written in this Bible that I keep hearing about...etc." They will probably say, "I liked the talking lion and the swords and the magic and the animals and the fighting and the...etc." Do you know why? Because that's what I thought when I was that age.
What's the matter? Afraid of something that would be "challenging" to the beliefs (or in this case, unbeliefs) you want instilled in your kids? If it bothers you that much, don't take them to see the movie or read the books. Or just say, "It's fiction, lions can't talk." Besides, nowadays it's easier to put Jesus or Aslan alongside Mickey Mouse, Lion-O, and Popeye than convince kids that he's God's boy...or lion.
My point is that much like Christians can't keep their kids in the Christ-bubble forever, atheists can't keep their kids away from religous influence. Hell, are you going to prevent your kids from voting when they are old enough? The top contenders for 2008 include two Methodists, a Baptist preacher, a Catholic, and a Mormon. My hope is that Christians and atheists would let their kids look at each others worlds for a while, play together, and then let them learn from experiences on both ends of the spectrum. That way they will grow up into knowledgable people and get a job as opposed to picketing over nonsense like children's movies.
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