My Birthday

So, my real birthday sucked because I had to go to a substitute teacher orientation which was eight hours of "Okay, everyone, what you need to do is follow the lesson plan and don't molest the kids...seriously, don't molest the kids...okay, if you started molesting the kids, just stop...follow the school's dress code...what did I tell you about molesting kids!" I was in a room with 40 people with only 15 of them that I would allow to teach my children if I had any. There were also three videos we watched that featured the most robotic acting of all time. Optimus Prime had more to emote than the head of the staffing agency. I also had to rush over to a lab to take a drug test after the orientation, which meant I had to hold it for over an hour so I could produce a specimen. The best part of the day was also awkward in that the person that will be referred to in this blog as Ex-Cheryl, took me to an authentic Irish pub and bought me food and beer.
Ex-Cheryl went out of her way to tell me that I was great guy, attractive, and that I'll find someone special someday. In other words, she said the same fucking phrase that I have heard since I was in seventh grade. So I told her that I heard that same bullcrap since seventh grade and quite frankly it'd be refreshing and new if a woman would reject me by calling me an asshole and throwing a drink at my face. It wouldn't be pleasant, but that would at least be different. She responded by buying me more beer. Damn straight.

Needless to say, it wasn't a great birthday...so I decided to fix that the next day. I celebrated my 25 years and one day by doing the following:
- Listening to "Birthday Dethday" by Dethklok
- Going to a greasy spoon diner and having a stack of waffles, scrambled eggs, beef sausage, and coffee given to me by weary waitress that called me "sugah."
- Going to ACME Toys (yes, it exists) and getting a Joe Swanson from Family Guy action figure, along with Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph (the best Christmas character not named Jesus), and a special edition Simpsons action figure of Stephen Hawking (complete with spring-loaded boxing glove and helicopter propellers).
- Getting the Street Fighter Alpha Anthology for PS2 for some 2-D fighting goodness.
- Watching "The Bucket List" (Quick review: Forget about the predictable plot, if I were to ask you, "Would you like to see Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson hang out for 2 hours?" You would have to say, "Yes...yes, I would.")
- Cook a huge pizza and watching Mystery Science Theater and wrestling for the rest of the night.
While I would have preferred to have hung out with my buddies (most which of probably reading this blog), I think I had a pretty good day after birthday by myself. Hope all is well and take it easy everyone.