My Moment with Jerry

In this photo I look like a a hobo, but I'd be damned if I didn't jump at the chance to meet Jerry "The King" Lawler. The King was in the studio today to promote Wrestlemania and the WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony that was coming to Orlando. Raoul, one of the anchors at the TV station, told me that he booked the King with me in mind and that I had to be there. It kinda sucked because I'm sick as a dog and it is my day off, but it was worth it.
Both anchors embarrassed me by telling King that I was a huge wrestling fan (which is true) and was in training (sort of true). We shook hands and he gave me some face time, which was very cool for him to do. I explained that I got hosed over in Cincinnati (he shrugged his shoulders with a "yeah, that sucks, dude, it happens too often" way) and one of the reasons I moved down here was because it was a wrestling hotbed. He gave me a few tips, along with telling me to send a tape of my stuff once I get back into it (I explained to him that I'm incredibly green as hell) to Steve Keirn in Tampa. After signing two photos for me (You're welcome, Rich), Raoul took the picture you see above. I left stating that someday, I'll hopefully get to a point in which you'll commentate during one of my matches. He responded with a smile that suggested a weird combination of a) "Heard that before, kid. We'll see."and b) "Good luck and I hope so."
Thanks for the memory, Mr. Lawler.

I think I might have made my first fan.

So I was at the store in the line for the register yesterday and this little dialogue occurred:

Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Is that a wrestler?"
(Boy points at Al Snow action figure in my hand)
Me: "Yeah."
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Can I see it?"
(I let the kid look at the toy)
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "There are some wrestling magazines here!"
(Kid offers to give me a magazine he got from the stand)
Me: "Thanks, but I don't need any today."
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Are you a wrestler?"
Me: "What?"
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Are you a wrestler?"
Me: "Well...not yet...I need to finish training...so someday maybe."
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Where do you wrestle?"
Me: "Buddy, I'm sorry but I'm not a wrestler yet. I'm not famous."
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Where did you wrestle?"
Me: "Nowhere you would know. I'm not famous, bud."
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Where do you want to wrestle?"
Me: "Hopefully WWE."
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Which brand? RAW, Smackdown!, or ECW?"
Me: "RAW."
(The Boy ponders)
Little 10 Year Old Boy: "Okay. I'll see you."
(Boy runs off)

Huh. Guess I have to whip back into game shape and spend money to have grown men throw me around. After all, I can't disappoint my fan.

WRESTLING RELATED BLOG BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!! (part 4)

We now go to the big brand, the favored brand, the brand that has just celebrated 15 years of being on cable: RAW. Make no mistake about it, RAW is WWE's A-show. A show that showcases edgier storylines, edgy characters, and all around great wrestling at it's best. Here are my top favorite wrestlers in the WWE's crowned jewel:

BARNES' TOP TEN FAVORITE RAW WRESTLERS

10. Super Crazy- He’s super. He’s crazy. He’s…well, super crazy. The extreme luchadore is a great flyer and an entertaining personality. He won’t make huge waves here in the U.S. like in his native Mexico, but he’ll please a crowd nonetheless. MUCHO LOCO!

9. Ric Flair- The Nature Boy has been going strong since the 1970’s and still holds the crowd in the palm of his hand. The Dirtiest Player in the Game still can go and pull a strong match out of anybody while entertaining the crowd with his over-the-top antics. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

8. Mr. Kennedy- Kennedy is the future of the industry. He still needs some polishing, but the man can cut good promos and might become a modern hybrid of the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Time will tell, but for now he’s on the cusp of turning into something special if he continues to learn and allows himself to grow. His name is MISSSTERRRRRRRR KENNEDYYYY...KENNNEDDDY!

7. Umaga- The Samoan Bulldozer is untamed like Haku and the Islanders of old. While like his previous Samoan predecessors he is portrayed as a savage, Umaga is able to wrestle compelling matches while playing the role of a dominating heel character. Fear the man.

6. William Regal- Regal is a seasoned veteran who has been in the wrestling business since working the British carnival circuit when he was 16 years old. Utilizing a catch-European style with hard-hitting chops and strikes make his style unique in the United States. That, along with being able utilize a great comedic wit and willingness to play the pompous fool make Regal a must-have in any promotion. Check out his malicious intent.

5. JBL- The hard-hitting Media Maven has finally gotten some respect after years of being just another wrestling workhorse. His gimmick is such that many of my friends refer to him as “George W. Dibiase” due to his redneck-millionaire persona. JBL’s promos are strong and while his wrestling isn’t flashy, it is smash-mouth. See why he calls himself a "Wrestling God."

4. Jeff Hardy- The Rainbow Haired Warrior wows the crowd with his high-flying style and his charismatic look. Jeff looks like he belongs at a rave, but his breathtaking bumps and ability to play the underdog make him one of the most popular stars in the industry. Please don't die, Jeff.

3. HHH- The Game has been on the top of the WWE for over ten years and with his real life marriage into the McMahon family it doesn’t look like that’ll stop any time soon. Many unfairly accuse HHH’s staying power to nepotism, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. His ability to draw fans as a heel or face and tell a great story inside the ring with almost anyone keep him as a top draw. It's time to play the game.

2. Shawn Michaels- The Heartbreak Kid lives up to his name as the Showstopper by stealing the show every night. I don’t believe HBK can have a bad match…ever. While he does have his favorite moves to use, Shawn can wrestle and cater to any opponent’s style whether his opponent is a brawler, high flyer, or power wrestler. A veteran for over twenty years, Shawn can keep up with quick guys like Rey Mysterio or older vets who need help hiding their flaws like Hulk Hogan. Here is the reason he is the Icon.

1. Chris Jericho - Y2J is charismatic and has been rightfully called the second coming of Shawn Michaels. Jericho can be a face or a heel, violent or technical, undercard or main event. Have a new wrestler who needs a person to make him look good? Get Jericho. Got a big show and need a main eventer to make the fans go home happy? Talk to Chris. Want a wrestler who can connect with the fans? Get Y2J. Would you like fries with that? Check the drive thru. He can be funny, he can play a coward, he can look dangerous, and he has the potential of being called the best ever. Now that he has come back to save us he can return to his roots as the man of the millenium.

Next, best Wrestlemania matches ever!

WRESTLING RELATED BLOG BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!! (part 3)

Alright, so last blog I discuss my favorite wrestlers from the WWE's least favorite brand. Now, I cover the "blue brand." Smackdown! as a television program has been on network television on UPN and the new CW network for the past 10 years. It is currently breaking ties with CW to possibly move MyNetworkTV (Yeah, I never heard of them either). Smackdown over the years is a show focused more on a combination of cartoon-esque characters and the in-ring product. For every 15+ minute wrestling contest, there is a wacky, kooky character for the kids to laugh or jeer at. But enough delay, here is:

BARNES' TOP TEN FAVORITE SMACKDOWN! WRESTLERS

10. Jamie Noble- Jamie is a great light-heavyweight that can have a good match with a spoon. This little-red-neck-that-could has proven himself to be a solid wrestler in the ring and a decent personality outside of it. Respect to the little man.

9. Jimmy Wang Yang- Here's where the wacky character/great wrestler combination comes into play. Jimmy Wang Yang is one of the best high flying wrestlers in North America with arguably the best moonsault in WWE. He is also an Asian redneck. Enjoy.

8. Kane- Kane's character backstory and on-air storylines could fill a book. This former masked man/burn victim/pyromaniac/alleged necrophile/Undertaker's brother is one of most agile big men to hit the ring. While most men reaching the 7' mark lumber around, Kane can move as fast, if not faster than a good chunk of NBA centers while outweighing them by almost 50 lbs. Through hellfire and brimstone, he lurks.

7. Batista- The Animal is one of the most jacked-up, musclebound wrestlers in WWE. Hell, he's strong enough to beat Godzilla. While most bodybuilder physiqued wrestlers are rather boring to watch most of the time, Batista is able to work a good match, move quick, and keep the crowds attention with panache and charisma. Here's a synopsis of the Animal's uncaged career.

6. Rey Mysterio- Rey's career is something that will probably never be replicated. At 5'6", Rey is shorter than most of the fans in the audience. Mysterio, however, is one of the best wrestlers in the world; able to implement his speedy, high flying, technico style in matches against wrestlers at any size. Hell, he looks like he belongs in a Street Fighter video game. If you go to a wrestling show and Rey Mysterio is on the card, you my friend, are in for a show. Fly, Rey, fly!

5. MVP- Montel Vontavius Porter, or MVP, is a solid, relatively new worker with the gimmick of wrestling's version of Terrell Owens. An excellent roughneck, scientific style that's been learned and implemented from his previous feud with Chris Benoit before Benoit's destruction along with his natural charisma guarantee that MVP will someday will be given the world title. Here's why he's half man, half amazing.

4. Matt Hardy- Matt Hardy is one of the most underrated wrestlers in WWE. Matt is known mostly from his high flying days as one half of the Hardys with his brother, Jeff, but Matt has shown that he can mat wrestle and can have a good match with anyone. Matt hardly is given a win most of the time, but every time he shows up the fans cheer loud and hard. If Matt keeps putting on good matches and exciting the crowd, management will have no choice but to actually push him to a title. Matt Hardy refuses to die.

3. Findlay- An burly, tough Irishman who loves to fight. Simple. Finlay can wrestle the best of them, but also is one of the most convincing and rough brawlers in wrestling. Utilizing a smash-mouth, strong European style, Finlay loosens teeth and bruises bodies with a gap-toothed smile. Get shillelagh-ed!

2. Edge- The Rated R Superstar and current World Heavyweight Champion can cut a good interview and have a good match with anyone. Mixing technical wrestling, lucha, and dirty tactics make Edge a great wrestler that you love to hate. The opportunist is a popular heel and looks to be at wrestling's top circle for years to come. Take a look at the evolution of Edge.

1. Undertaker- The Phenom has been wrestling as the Undertaker for over seventeen years. SEVENTEEN. Who would have thought that the gimmick of a zombie wrestler would have worked, much less last close to two decades? 'Taker is revered among fans and wrestlers alike for not only being able to move faster and smoother than any guy over 6'9" and over 40 years of age should, along with being able to hold and keep the crowd in his hands from bell to bell. Shoot (non-fabricated, non-story-oriented) interviews with wrestlers who have worked with Undertaker speak of him with respect, awe, and privilege. Undertaker constantly reinvents himself and style to suit the times. In his early career as this character, 'Taker was methodical and wrestled like an unstoppable zombie. Nowadays, Undertaker has added mixed-martial-arts chokes and holds along with more tattoos. I hope that if I am able to become a full-fledged wrestler that I would have the privilege of meeting Mr. Calaway or Undertaker or Mr. Taker or whatever he damn well wants me to call him, I want to shake his hand and say thanks for making me a fan. View his handiwork.

RAW comes later.

WRESTLING RELATED BLOG BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!! (part 2)

I'm going to Wrestlemania!!! I say again, I'M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!! Last blog, I covered my favorite performers that were not involved in WWE, but this time I will cover some the guys who have a chance at performing at Wrestlemania XXIV. I was going to do a regular top ten favorites, but there is a problem...WWE has three brands! Since I am indecisive and I wish to make a long blog, I will give you all my top ten favorite wrestlers in each brand. Now, the good people of World Wrestling Entertainment will state that all of it's brands are equal...bullcrap! They have their favorites, so I'll start this blog off with the red-headed (like me) stepchild (not like me) brand: ECW.
ECW stands for Extreme Championship Wrestling and is not a Vince McMahon (owner and creator of WWE) creation. Cliff Notes version of its history: ECW was originally a small indy fed based in Philadelphia which exploded. They had such a strong following that it expanded to do shows throughout the U.S. and even landed a pay-per-view deal. Many of their wrestlers and basic storyline ideas were taken by WWE and at the time, WCW. However due to poor financial planning, the company folded in 2001. Then something happened. The fans kept chanting the brands name. They bought DVD's of old ECW matches. The fans would not let it die.
So Vince McMahon brought it back...to mixed results. It is not like the ECW of old, but it gives wrestlers another place to practice and showcase their trade, so ultimately I'm all for it. While it isn't the steak that it used to be and is now a Whopper from Burger King, I do have my favorites. Here are my Top Ten Favorite ECW Wrestlers from the current roster:

10. Chavo Guerrero- The current ECW champion is one of the most celebrated cruiserweights today. A strong technical wrestler with some lucha-libre mixed in, Chavo makes his family proud being a third generation star in this industry. Underrated, but undeterred.

9. Colin Delany- Who? Exactly. Colin is pale, scrawny and has yet to perform an effective offensive move. America loves an underdog, so Colin I salute you.

8. Boogeyman- What's that under your bed, crushing a clock against his head? He eats worms and it's true, he's the Boogeyman and he's COMING TO GET YOU!

7. Kofi Kingston- If Rob Van Dam and Eddy Gordo from the TEKKEN video game series had a kid. Kofi is cool and looks like he's got a bright future in the industry. Check it out, mon.

6. Stevie Richards- A wrestler that was from the original ECW, Stevie has had it rough. He's got solid skills, but never gets much of a break but loves the business so much that he's had multiple neck surgeries to stay in the game. It's his wry sense of humor, ability to parody (gotta love the Blue World Order), and all around good stuff that make him a favorite of mine. Hail, Stevie!

5. Elijah Burke- The Silver Tongued Pugilist has great speed, agility, and wrestling ability. Good on the mic and solid in the ring, why is this man not a champion yet is beyond me. His boxing past gives the Paragon of Virtue the ability to give you 4-UP side your head. Don't get hit by the Elijah Express!

4. Balls Mahoney- The Chair Swinging Freak is one of the misfits from the original ECW. Dressed like a fat, homeless metal fan and missing a few teeth, Balls doesn't look like a typical athlete. However, if pressed this man can chain wrestle with the best of them...if that doesn't work, then a chair to the head works just as well. BALLS! BALLS! BALLS!

3. Shelton Benjamin- An All American amateur wrestler, great worker, and probably the most underrated wrestler in the U.S. Shelton has the work ethic and ability to become one of the greats in the industry someday. I hope he'll unlock his full potential. For now, there ain't no stopping him now.

2. Tommy Dreamer- A man that literally broke his back to be in this industry, with a great creative mind and underrated wrestling creditentials. Tommy Dreamer is a man who has a great mind and a great love for wrestling. While his matches are dubbed "garbage wrestling" by some and "hardcore classics" by others, the fact of the matter is that Dreamer can tell a story in the ring. He doesn't care if he is booked to win or to lose. He just wants to put on a great show. Here's to you, Dreamer.

1. CM Punk- The Straight Edge Superstar lives by the morals of no drugs, no alcohol, no smokes, no problem. One of the few purely clean wrestlers in an otherwise muddy industry, Punk can deliver in the ring, on the mic, and gives the fans their money's worth. His only addiction is competition. His name is CM Punk.

So there's my picks for the bastard brand of McMahonland. I'll be back for Smackdown! shortly.

WRESTLING RELATED BLOG BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!! (part 1)

I did it. After 15 years of wrestling fandom, I have found my white whale. I. Am. Going. To. WRESTLEMANIA! That's right, kiddos, I have a nosebleed seat at the Florida Citrus Bowl for the 24th installment of Wrestlemania! Section 221, Row B, Seat 15! Interested in wrestling or not, check out my blog periodically for occasional wrestling ramblings up until the big event of the year, the Superbowl of wrestling, Wrestlemania! I guarantee that even if you hate the stuff, you'll dig my blogs on it.
In this first blog, I wish to talk about something before Wrestlemania. As some of you know, I also got a ticket to a Ring of Honor show. To those who don't know what Ring of Honor is, click here! To make it short, summer blockbuster movies are to art films as WWE is to ROH. I'm excited about this show because it'll feature some of the best wrestlers in the U.S. who aren't WWE wrestlers. Now, it is time for a list. Even though most of these guys probably won't be at the ROH, I still wish to present:

Barnes' Top Ten Favorite Wrestlers Who Aren't in WWE!

10. Mistico- This man is known as the second coming of Rey Mysterio Jr. and Rey-rey isn't even dead yet! This tiny man flies and excites all who come to see him, along with having some solid wrestling to boot. His "La Mistica" armbar is a thing of twisty-fury! CHECK THIS OUT!

9. KENTA - American ECW wrestler CM Punk took a chunk of his moves, but this Japanese junior heavyweight has legitimately knocked out some guys with his past Muay Thai background. Beware his kneecaps or you will GO TO SLEEP.

8. Milano Collection AT- So let me get this straight. You are a Japanese wrestler. However, you are actually an Italian supermodel with one of those invisible dogs and can tie wrestlers into knots? SOLD!

7. Human Tornado- Take one part Shaft, two parts Supafly, and a part of Michael Jackson circa 1983 and you have one of the most entertaining stars in the independent wrestling circuit. With his Balls of Steel (which make shots to the groin ineffective) and his breakdance fighting, Human Tornado is ice cold!

6. Kenta Kobashi- The man known as "Orange Crush" (not to be confused with this ) has been one of most respected grapplers in the Land of the Rising Sun, especially after coming back after numerous knee surgeries and having a kidney removed. His chops make the great Ric Flair cringe and he can probably suplex the moon. But beware of his burning fury, the Burning Hammer.

5. Bryan Danielson - The man who graduated with a Bachelors in Shawn Michaels and got a Masters with William Regal is considered by most to be the best unsigned wrestler in North America. With his quick movements, vast knowledge of holds, and ability to have a great match with anybody, it's hard to disagree. Here's a look at his story.

4. Samoa Joe- While most people look at wrestlers, they think of bodybuilders or crazy looking gimmicks. Joe looks like the guy at the end of the bar who'd just kick your ass for fun after beer number four. There is a reason why fans chant, "JOE'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

3. Shark Boy - From 20,000 leagues under the sea, the master of the Dead Sea Drop and winner of a lawsuit against Robert Rodriguez for using his name in The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl without his permission. I give you, Mick Foley's favorite independent wrestler, SHARK BOY!

2. Christopher Daniels- The man known as "The Fallen Angel" has been making a great living on the independent wrestling scene for over 10 years. His cult leader is the only religious-themed gimmick that hasn't been inducted into Wrestlecrap history. A man who can wrestle with anybody and can open a show or draw money for a main event at any time is rare. I give you, that man. Now, this guy was going to be number one, but I thought I'd give it to his alter-ego...

1. Curry Man- HE'S HOT! HE'S SPICY! HE TASTES GREAT! HE'S CURRY MAN!!!

You gotta love a man that has a plate of curry with a side of rice on his head. Peace.