Baxter (bax'-ter) n. A compromise to "true love." The epitome of "settling." Shorthand for a bachelor with lots of strike outs, who's kind of a loser.
I found out that I am a Baxter. I came across this word yesterday. One of my clients cancelled an appointment with me by not showing up (which unfortunately is a frequent occurance), so to kill time I decided to finger through the Used DVD section of Hollywood Video since they were having a $5 sale on all movies marked $9.99 and under. I came across a movie titled "The Baxter." The Baxter is an indy film written and directed by Michael Showalter, one of members of the comedy trio, Stella. I like Stella. He's in Stella. I read the back of the box. The other two guys from Stella were in it. I had $5. Then, I had a reciept.
Today was my day off since I had to work on Sunday, so after my doctor's appointment, I sat at home, ate a donut, and watched the film. Pretty good. Pretty funny. Pretty sad that I totally relate to the protagonist. The film opens to a scene all people who have seen one romance have seen before. We're treated to seeing a wedding. The preacher says, "Let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Guy crashes through the doors, says I love you to the bride, bride cries, bride hands off flowers to groom, bride and wedding crasher kiss. This movie isn't about them, though. It's about the guy left at the alter.
Granted, I've never gotten close to walking the isle in my 23 years. Hell, I've never really made it to date #1 in a relationship. However, after watching the entirety of the film which includes his past mishaps and being usurped in relationships or just being dumped entirely, I totally relate to the main character.
I am a Baxter. Granted, I'm not clean cut nor I am particularly outwardly dorky looking, but deep down I'm pretty boring. Not "mayo and Wonderbread" boring, but "Spaghetti again?" boring. I'm also too nice. Need a coat? I'll give it to you. Need a glass of water? I'm there. Need someone to vent to? Of course, I'm up for it. Do I regret these things? Do I want no one to ask me for anything again? Of course not. However, I'll never understand why a good chunk of females neglect the guy who waits in a long line outside at a local football game on a cold day to buy you a hot chocolate, to converse with a guy that is kind of a dick but you think you can change.
In high school, I was the big brother. Every date I asked for the dance never said "Yes" they said "I guess so" or the even worse "You'll do." In college, I was the less country-fed, more intelligent, non-Oprah worshiping Dr. Phil. Need to bitch about your boyfriend? Talk to Erik. Need a good cry and vent? Talk to and hug Erik. Need sex advice from a guy despite the fact he is a virgin? Talk to, but don't perform on Erik.
Most of the time, many women call this type of man a safety net. If your current boyfriend turns into an ass, it's alright because you have a safety net to fall back on. Safety net. In case of emergency, break open glass. However, I'm not a safety net. Women date the safety net. I'm a crash pad. Crash pads absorb the impact, cushion the blow, protect and make sure you aren't hurt so you can walk off to try to walk the tightrope again. While it's nice and soft, for some reason no one wants to stick around on the crash pad.
I am pitying myself for being a Baxter? No. I don't mind it too much since I'm flattered so many women in my life had come to me for comfort and advice. It's still frustrating as hell sometimes, though. It'd be nice to play another role once and a while. It'd also be nice to have someone match the exact same enthusiasm as me when I go out with them. I'm a Baxter for now, but not forever. Why? Because I've never been one to "settle" for something I don't want or that will "settle" for me.
I'm either going to a gold medal or nothing at all. Not silver medal. Not bronze. Not even a ribbon that says "Participant." One day, I'll be wearing some gold around my neck while I hug a person who's also wearing gold around her neck. Peace.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
It's been too long...another wrestling blog
Yeah, it's a wrestling blog today. I'm just gonna name my current favorite wrestlers that appeared this past week on the four major shows on TV.
RAW
#3 and #2- The Highlanders- WWE definitely needs more tag teams and this team has shown great work in promos, in matches, and flow. WWE needs to showcase these guys more often and after a good run, top it off with a Tag title streak.
#1- Jeff Hardy- Mr. "Hey, remember 1999?" is actually making me a fan of his by actually telling stories in the ring as opposed to making each match a showcase of car-wreck flying moves. While I think his feud with Johnny Nitro couldn't be any more stale, he is still doing his best to make those matches fresh.
Smackdown!
#3- Chris Benoit- I'm biased because he's my favorite and Smackdown is the home of workrate, but Benoit hasn't lost a step since coming back from his shoulder injury and can make any wrestler look good. Tatanka, say "Thank you."
#2- Findlay- The Irishman who "loves to fight" may not be the most muscular or the youngest, but with his character and ability to make others look good in the ring makes him entertaining to watch and makes the fans love to see him get beat up.
#1- William Regal- I'm loving the fact that Smackdown! is allowing Regal to unleash his more brutal style than play off his comedy. His training in catch-as-catch-can chain wrestling that he learned in England is a breath of fresh air here on the other side of the pond. He is the only man in American wrestling that can make a finisher out of a running knee to the temple look legit.
ECW
#3- Lashley- New brand. New monster. Let's make some money.
#2- Elijah Burke- I dig Elijah as a wrestler, but I already know that if he were to retire tomorrow he'd come back a color commentator.
#1- CM Punk- Punk is unquestionably the best star to break out on ECW. His workrate is good, he makes me enjoy watching Mike Knoxx wrestle (which is normally a chore), and he is in my opinion the best promo man under the WWE umbrella next to Ric Flair.
TNA: iMpact!
#3-Christopher Daniels- The Fallen Angel is where he needs to be: on the cusp of the main event, but just below enough to make newer stars. Chris Daniels is one of the few wrestlers in TNA that doesn't look out of place anywhere on the card. Put him in the opening match, the show will be off to a great start. Place him in the middle, it'll break up any malaise in the show and re-energize the crowd. Need to top off the show? Put him in the main event. While I want to see him outside of the X-Division, they currently need him to rebuild and revive the division for prime time.
#2- Kurt Angle- I hope you didn't come back too early, Kurt. You sure didn't look out of place. Angle brings excitement and fresh new dream matches into TNA. As much as I can't wait to see Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle (a wrestling nerd's wet dream), I also can't wait to see Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles...Angle vs. Christopher Daniels...Angle vs. Ron Killings...oh, and Angle vs. Sting.
#1- Samoa Joe- Joe may need to spend more time on the treadmill, but his strong, smack and choke style makes him look like a legitimate contender in wrestling and MMA. "Joe's Gonna Kill You" started out as a fun chant, but after watching his matches recently, he looks like he is killing his opponent.
Peace.
RAW
#3 and #2- The Highlanders- WWE definitely needs more tag teams and this team has shown great work in promos, in matches, and flow. WWE needs to showcase these guys more often and after a good run, top it off with a Tag title streak.
#1- Jeff Hardy- Mr. "Hey, remember 1999?" is actually making me a fan of his by actually telling stories in the ring as opposed to making each match a showcase of car-wreck flying moves. While I think his feud with Johnny Nitro couldn't be any more stale, he is still doing his best to make those matches fresh.
Smackdown!
#3- Chris Benoit- I'm biased because he's my favorite and Smackdown is the home of workrate, but Benoit hasn't lost a step since coming back from his shoulder injury and can make any wrestler look good. Tatanka, say "Thank you."
#2- Findlay- The Irishman who "loves to fight" may not be the most muscular or the youngest, but with his character and ability to make others look good in the ring makes him entertaining to watch and makes the fans love to see him get beat up.
#1- William Regal- I'm loving the fact that Smackdown! is allowing Regal to unleash his more brutal style than play off his comedy. His training in catch-as-catch-can chain wrestling that he learned in England is a breath of fresh air here on the other side of the pond. He is the only man in American wrestling that can make a finisher out of a running knee to the temple look legit.
ECW
#3- Lashley- New brand. New monster. Let's make some money.
#2- Elijah Burke- I dig Elijah as a wrestler, but I already know that if he were to retire tomorrow he'd come back a color commentator.
#1- CM Punk- Punk is unquestionably the best star to break out on ECW. His workrate is good, he makes me enjoy watching Mike Knoxx wrestle (which is normally a chore), and he is in my opinion the best promo man under the WWE umbrella next to Ric Flair.
TNA: iMpact!
#3-Christopher Daniels- The Fallen Angel is where he needs to be: on the cusp of the main event, but just below enough to make newer stars. Chris Daniels is one of the few wrestlers in TNA that doesn't look out of place anywhere on the card. Put him in the opening match, the show will be off to a great start. Place him in the middle, it'll break up any malaise in the show and re-energize the crowd. Need to top off the show? Put him in the main event. While I want to see him outside of the X-Division, they currently need him to rebuild and revive the division for prime time.
#2- Kurt Angle- I hope you didn't come back too early, Kurt. You sure didn't look out of place. Angle brings excitement and fresh new dream matches into TNA. As much as I can't wait to see Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle (a wrestling nerd's wet dream), I also can't wait to see Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles...Angle vs. Christopher Daniels...Angle vs. Ron Killings...oh, and Angle vs. Sting.
#1- Samoa Joe- Joe may need to spend more time on the treadmill, but his strong, smack and choke style makes him look like a legitimate contender in wrestling and MMA. "Joe's Gonna Kill You" started out as a fun chant, but after watching his matches recently, he looks like he is killing his opponent.
Peace.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Too tired for actual paragraphs, have a list.
Didn't update for a while. Here are some random thoughts.
- "I Pity The Fool" is the best. reality. show. ever. Don't dispute me.
- Got to see "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for free, two weeks before it's released. Crude, rude, yet hilarious. Perfect for fans that rock the "D."
- Saw "Borat" tonight. It is fifteen sorts of wrong, but why am I still smiling and giggling to myself two hours after seeing it? Still, I'm glad that I was able to contribute in "making benefit for glorious nation of Kazakstan (sp?)"
- I have the treatment written, now I need to buckle down and write that Spongebob script.
- These crazy people are wearing me out. It might be time to move on.
- I'm 74% sure that I'll move to Florida before Summer of 2007 ends.
- Depression is a daily fight. Hopefully after my next punch the fucker will stay down.
- Thank you, Cincy friends, for love, support, fun, and just plain putting up with me.
- Thank you, Ed, for being the Waldorf to my Statler...or vice versa.
- Congrats to Steph and Tommy. I hope Uncle Ed doesn't spoil your "young Americans" when you eventually have them.
- Hooray for Voting!
- Boo on Negative Campaigning!
- Congrats, Dems...now do something other than talk about forming committees to discuss what to do for the next meeting in preparation for the upcoming announcement of the next plan that is still under consideration.
- Sorry, Repubs. Shouldn't rest on your laurels.
- The road is a little foggy, but I think Lawshe and I will make something great.
- That reminds me. Tommy, I swear I'll write some God, Figs, and Poverty sketches soon!
- People who I should talk to/email more often:
- Jenny T
- Matt Estes
- Brian Sowers
- Emily
- My Uncle Jo
- my old college prof.
- my boss at WOUB
- Mel
- Grax, my boss/bartender at Dale's Bar and Grill
- Andy Riley
- Jesus
- Who would have thought that Anne Rice, yes the Anne Rice that writes about vampires and kinky erotica, would write a good book about Jesus.
- Augusten Burroughs is turning into one of my favorite authors.
- Current favorite comic heroes: Batman, Animal Man, The Question, Deadpool, Midnighter, Green Arrow, Black Adam, Ultimate Thor.
- Fun comic hero facts: Ultimate Thor might be a crazy male registered nurse and Midnighter is gay.
- New favorite comic: Action Philosophers! A comic book that covers the teachings of various philosophers throughout history.
- Spiderman 3. May. Goodness.
- I'm digging Colonel's small group.
- Thank you, Adult Swim cartoons for giving me something to watch before going to bed and starting the work week.
- New favorite anti-superhero comic: The Boys.
Real blog entry later.
- "I Pity The Fool" is the best. reality. show. ever. Don't dispute me.
- Got to see "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for free, two weeks before it's released. Crude, rude, yet hilarious. Perfect for fans that rock the "D."
- Saw "Borat" tonight. It is fifteen sorts of wrong, but why am I still smiling and giggling to myself two hours after seeing it? Still, I'm glad that I was able to contribute in "making benefit for glorious nation of Kazakstan (sp?)"
- I have the treatment written, now I need to buckle down and write that Spongebob script.
- These crazy people are wearing me out. It might be time to move on.
- I'm 74% sure that I'll move to Florida before Summer of 2007 ends.
- Depression is a daily fight. Hopefully after my next punch the fucker will stay down.
- Thank you, Cincy friends, for love, support, fun, and just plain putting up with me.
- Thank you, Ed, for being the Waldorf to my Statler...or vice versa.
- Congrats to Steph and Tommy. I hope Uncle Ed doesn't spoil your "young Americans" when you eventually have them.
- Hooray for Voting!
- Boo on Negative Campaigning!
- Congrats, Dems...now do something other than talk about forming committees to discuss what to do for the next meeting in preparation for the upcoming announcement of the next plan that is still under consideration.
- Sorry, Repubs. Shouldn't rest on your laurels.
- The road is a little foggy, but I think Lawshe and I will make something great.
- That reminds me. Tommy, I swear I'll write some God, Figs, and Poverty sketches soon!
- People who I should talk to/email more often:
- Jenny T
- Matt Estes
- Brian Sowers
- Emily
- My Uncle Jo
- my old college prof.
- my boss at WOUB
- Mel
- Grax, my boss/bartender at Dale's Bar and Grill
- Andy Riley
- Jesus
- Who would have thought that Anne Rice, yes the Anne Rice that writes about vampires and kinky erotica, would write a good book about Jesus.
- Augusten Burroughs is turning into one of my favorite authors.
- Current favorite comic heroes: Batman, Animal Man, The Question, Deadpool, Midnighter, Green Arrow, Black Adam, Ultimate Thor.
- Fun comic hero facts: Ultimate Thor might be a crazy male registered nurse and Midnighter is gay.
- New favorite comic: Action Philosophers! A comic book that covers the teachings of various philosophers throughout history.
- Spiderman 3. May. Goodness.
- I'm digging Colonel's small group.
- Thank you, Adult Swim cartoons for giving me something to watch before going to bed and starting the work week.
- New favorite anti-superhero comic: The Boys.
Real blog entry later.
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