Depression

I would say depression is a bitch, but that would imply that depression makes an action. Depression is not a bitch. Depression is that friend at the party that sees you at the otherside of the room, gives you a dirty look, then walks away to the next room. Depression leaves you standing there wondering why the look, what the problem is, and why won't it talk to you about it. Depression stays silent, reading a book, while you scream at the top of your lungs"What's the matter? Talk to me!" Depression has no face. Depression shows only the back of a head.

The reason behind this post is because I am depressed. Don't ask me why because I don't know. I'm tired of feeling guilty for nothing. I'm sick of battling uphill to merely do the things I enjoy. I'm tired of wanting to cry and being unsuccessful. I'm sick of not wanting to leave my apartment and get out of bed. I'm tired of feeling not good enough when I have already accomplished so much in such a small amount of time in my "adult" life. I'm tired of being sad for no explicable reason. I have to lift this weight almost daily and it is wearing me out.

Should I take medication? Maybe, I don't know. As much as it has helped others, (including friends and people I work with) I still fear that it would not only take the edge off feeling bad, but also suck some joy out of the few times I do feel good. I'm afraid that my emotions, while more pleasant, wouldn't be "real."

Do I expect pity? No. There are others more deserving. Do I want prayer? Yeah, it'd be nice. I'm just writing this because writing usually makes me feel better. I'll work out of it. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.