Death of a...Hero?

I remember seeing him in 1995 on WCW Saturday Night. This is back when WCW could deliver a good wrestling show. I don't remember who his opponent was, some jobber, but I can't forget the first thing I saw: his tights. Chris Benoit was wearing long tights with a huge, blocky star on the back of them. They looked very generic and very bland. The wrestler that wore them didn't look like anything special. Hell, he looked small and pale. Then he wrestled. That's when I became a fan of Chris Benoit.
Not to sound braggy, but I was fan of Chris Benoit before most internet fans of wrestling caught on the wave. He could fly. He could stretch. He could bump. He could sell. The only thing he couldn't do was talk well on the mic, however his wrestling and his matches would speak more about him than any of his words could.
I first started watching wrestling when I was ten years old and have been totally hooked ever since. Sure, there are plenty of things that I don't like about it, but I still love it just the same. Ever since I was ten, I thought of becoming a pro wrestler. It never went away totally, but I still thought in the back of my head that it was a child's ambition. On January 19, 2003, the Royal Rumble of that year, I saw Chris Benoit wrestle Kurt Angle for the WWE title. It was a great match, full of great holds and, for lack of a better term, drama. It was that night, after watching Benoit wrestle, lose, and given a well-deserved standing ovation, that I made the firm decision to train seriously and become a pro wrestler.
I have had some setbacks since my past wrestling school didn't fufill the training that I need along with having a hectic schedule to work out. However, the fire still burns and I will go out and train again once I relocate. After all, I hoped to one day wrestle and then meet Chris Benoit. I needed to tell him that he was the one that inspired me to try and his career was one to emulate and look to in order to keep me going during the hard times. I wanted to shake his hand and say "thank you."
Late yesterday, it was reported that Chris Benoit, along with his son and wife, were dead. Today, it's been discovered and reported that Benoit strangled his wife, smothered his son with a bag, and then hung himself. I was and still am in shock. Toxiology and autopsy reports are still pending.
I don't know how to feel right now. My hero is dead in more ways than mortality. What could have gone through his mind? Was he under the influence of drugs? Did he have a severe depression? Was he and/or his family suffering from some ailment before this tragedy occured? Is this truly a crime with malice in mind or a crime of some sick, unstable love in his heart? How does one react when a person's hero is a murderer? Can a person's years of love and goodness towards his peers, his fans, and his friends be totally revoked by a weekend of pure evil?
I guess that's my fault. I decided to put a human on a pedestal. When will I learn that I will ultimately be disappointed and hurt by everyone? Why don't I get that it is foolish to be inspired by anything that has free will?
My mother was able to put things into perspective. She told to remember and cherish the goodness of this man's life; that Chris Benoit's recent actions did not make his past inspiration to me less valid. I pray and send my condolences to the extend families of Benoit and his wife, along with Benoit's two surviving children. I choose to keep Chris Benoit in a special place within me, but never forgetting that the real Chris Benoit, the one that so many were inspired by and accepted love from, died before the date written on his tombstone.