WRESTLING RELATED BLOG BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!! (part 5)

Now, let me set the record straight: I want to be a wrestler. I really do. I really want to complete training to be given the title of "professional wrestler." Now, the question remains, do I want professional wrestling as a career. That answer is sticky. For now, the answer is no. I do want to put myself in a position in which I have to wrestle for money as opposed to getting to wrestle for money. Notice the difference? It's not that I don't think I have what it takes, but I have other dreams/interests I wish to pursue, on top of the fact that it is incredibly hard to have a family (a someday dream) while being a wrestler full time. There is no Social Security, no health benefits, your job is on the line constantly, your career can end at any moment due to injury, and there are huge long term health risks. At the same time, I am willing to put my complete safety on the line to achieve this goal I've set for myself when I was 10 years old.

However, I want to wrestle on my terms. There are many aspects in the wrestling industry that I don't like/wouldn't do. That's another thing that prevents careers: having principals. This includes sex related storylines or religous gimmicks that I wouldn't be comfortable doing. Then there is the in-ring action, which I have compiled a list. Here are:

Crazy Stuff That I Would Require Large Sums of Money/Never Do When/If I Become a Pro Wrestler

10. Ladder Match- Now, I love to watch a ladder match. When done correctly, a ladder match can steal any show. The basics of the ladder match are simple: A title belt or wanted object is hung high above the ring and the competitors have to climb a ladder to retrieve it. Whoever gets the item and pulls it down, wins. There is high chance of injury, wacky bumps (falls), and you need to trust your opponent to protect you. I'd be willing to do a ladder match, but I'd have to be paid at least $10,000. Here are the obvious risks in motion.

9. Legitimate Headbutts- I would never do a legitmate, stiff headbutt. There are already so many risks of concussions in wrestling that there is no reason to willingly kill the braincells of your opponent or yourself.

8. Wrestle Sabu- Sabu is dubbed as "suicidal, homocidal, and genocidal" and "The Human Highlight Reel." Now, while I as a fan enjoy his daredevil moves, he constantly botches them and does very little to protect his opponent. Many have complained about wrestling Sabu because he is sloppy and hurts his opponents legitmately when he screws up. I'd take a risk to wrestle him, but it'd have to be in the high hundreds since A) he's a big name and B) in case I have hospital bills later. At worst he hurts himself but he can also hurt himself and his opponent.

7. Florescent Bulbs- There is no art in breaking a florescent bulb on a person. It's dangerous and uncontrolled because of flying glass shards and inhaling the fumes that are emitted when broken. It scars your head or back and is used for cheap reactions by hacks in the ring. I have nothing against "hardcore" or "garbage" wrestling, but I can't recall anyone reacting to a broken bulb more than a nice, controlled, protected chairshot. It's overused and overrated. Not worth it. Here two idiots bloody themselves in front of an outdoor crowd that probably didn't even pay to watch them.

6. Take a Piledriver/Powerbomb from Someone Weighing Less than Me- Piledrivers and Powerbombs are usually reserved for the bigger guys that are over 6'3" and over 260 lbs. However, more and more I see lighter guys perform these moves. I have no problem using these moves on guys in your weight class, but I see men perform these moves on men significantly larger than they are. This is asinine. Piledrivers and powerbombs are risky enough even when performed correctly. I have seen too many guys dropped on their necks and head due to botched piledrivers and powerbombs. Here's the Big Show nearly getting killed.. Here is Steve Austin talking about the piledriver that ruined his life.

5. Do a Shooting Star Press- A Shooting Star Press is a move usually reserved for lighter guys, but many wrestlers of many sizes try to perform it and either a) land incorrectly on their opponent injuring their face or chest or b) land right on their neck. Ask Brock Lesnar. I think the move needs to be outlawed. The risk is high and the reward is too low. The crowd used to love the move due to the risk and it's uniqueness. It is no longer unique therefore it gets a lesser crowd reaction therefore you risked your health on a move that today gets as big of a reaction as a safe, textbook figure four leglock.

4. Unprotected Chairshot to the Head- Unprotected chairshots are dumb. Sure they make wrestling "realistic," but everyone knows it's fixed so there is no reason to not raise your hand up to protect your head. It makes the same noise as an unprotected chair shot and there is little chance of killing braincells. I don't know about you, but I don't want to kill my brain. People speculate that one of the possible reasons Chris Benoit snapped and killed his family was due to the trauma on his brain that stems from unnecessary moves like taking a chairshot full force to the head without protecting yourself. Here's Brock with another idiot move.

3. Scaffold Match- I hate scaffold matches. They suck. The rules of the scaffold match are simple. The wrestlers are on a scaffold high above the ring. The winner is the wrestler who causes his opponent to fall from the scaffold down to the ring. First off, the scaffold is so wobbly that the wrestlers don't do a lot of moves. In fact, all they do is punch. Boring. Secondly, the drop is so high and dangerous. How is it different than a ladder match? The wrestlers can actually excite a crowd during a ladder match and do a lot of moves ON THE GROUND. Scaffold matches that last more than 3 minutes get "boring" chants and the only way to save the match is to take the big plunge. Then everyone forgets about you when the next match starts. Congrats, you risked your life to a cheap crowd reaction then total apathy afterward. Note how quiet and bored the crowd is before the fall and how quickly it dissipates after the fall.

2. Chairshot to the Back of the Head- There is no reason to agree to this except to be a complete dumbass. There is no way to protect yourself, the back of the head is the most vulnerable spot on the skull, and it sends trauma to the base of the neck This fool doesn't like memories.. It also gets as much of a reaction as a regular chairshot or better yet a chairshot across the back (which is much safer, see? ).

1. Wrestle New Jack- I would never, ever agree to wrestle New Jack. He is too hostile, he doesn't work with his opponents, and frequently goes to business for himself. He is way too nuts, even for a wrestler. The man has four justifiable homocides. He legitamitely injures people and often carves his opponents with various implements. He doesn't even wrestle well, he just uses random stuff to hit his opponent with. He is purely an attraction for violence and no other entertainment value. Whether he is "living his gimmick" (being his character in the real world in order to make outsiders believe his personality) or not, the violence he commits is real. It's not worth it being a rag doll for him. Here's the sadist in action.

Next blog, my favorite match from each Wrestlemania.