This is Why I Love the Wall on Facebook

So I commented on my friend Andy Dunn's wall on Facebook regarding his profile photo:

"Deep down inside, I knew you were Zach Galifinakis."

He responded to my profile photo:

"Thanks Barnes, I'm glad you understand. Likewise, deep down inside I always knew you were a town of 2,173 people."

It's the little moments, people. The little moments.

Barnes' Favorite Fictional Bands: #8- Limozeen

The creators of Homestarrunner did a great job making a parody of 80's hair metal bands. How did these guys get featured on the Guitar Hero video game franchise? Practice, practice, practice. These guys reached at a number eight on the list not only because they do a great job in rocking and spoofing at the same time, but also doing live gigs! Kudos to you, Limozeen. Kudos.

Meanwhile, on Television

According to this, a Family Guy spin-off based off the character Cleveland Brown titled (appropriately) Cleveland is almost confirmed for 13 episodes. Why do I have a feeling that this show will end up being a spoofy mix of The Jeffersons, A Different World and The Cosby Show? A couple predictions regarding the show:
- Cleveland will move into a more "urban" environment, but not a major city (New York, L.A., etc.). Since his name is Cleveland and they can't resist the irony, he'll probably move to Columbus or Cincinnati, Ohio.
- Cleveland's new friends would include a large, muscular black character with a shaved head and goatee, a stereotypical 1970's pimp character, and a Flava Flav archetype. Oh, and a random white guy that does nothing but stuff white people like and stuff that black comedians make fun of. Stuff like the stuff mentioned on this site.
- Carl Weathers will be mayor of whatever city Cleveland is in.
- Quagmire will frequently show up to hang out with Cleveland.
- There will be a talking animal character since Seth MacFarlane has Brian the Dog in Family Guy and Klaus the German Goldfish in American Dad. My guess is a cat.

Time will tell if I'm right.

I Just Smelled What Barack is Cooking...Along with What Hillary and John Have Broiled.

So many have asked me, since I am an avid wrestling fan, what I thought about Obama, McCain, and Clinton addressing the WWE fans during the live broadcast of WWE RAW a week and a half ago. I realize that I am a week late in addressing this issue, since most news media have already commented and lampooned over it, but since many have asked me my thoughts, especially since I unintentionally foreshadowed the "Do you smell what Barack is cooking?" line in a previous blog, I'll indulge them. I think the appearance of all three candidates was great...and awful.

The three candidates (or, let's face it, their campaign teams) realized that professional wrestling is an outlet enjoyed by numerous people throughout the U.S., including gun toting people who cling to religion (zing, Obama) and the more educated set. While the media continues to portray most wrestling fans as beer bellied, unschooled folk, the campaigns of all three candidates realize the mass appeal that pro wrestling has. Hell, WWE RAW has been one of the top ten viewed cable television programs for the past ten years. Face facts: a lot of people watch pro wrestling...people that vote. That is why I'm glad that all three acknowledged this usually snubbed group of voters.

However, I also think it was awful. Check out snippets of their videos here. Now, I readily know that these videos are supposed to be for fun, however their campaigns (save for McCain since his is smooth sailing until the quagmire that's been the Democratic nomination is settled) aren't supposed to be fun. While I am glad that wrestling fans are being addressed to, this is another attempt for all of them to "slum it up" to appeal to the "common man." I admit, I was entertained, but don't insult my intelligence.

Hil-Rod? Seriously?

First, Clinton looked like she read from cuecards and came off as fake as her sniper fire in Bosnia. Don't use wrestling rhetoric you don't understand and don't drink whisky at a bar that you'd never be caught dead in. Just say, "Hey wrestling fans, I think..."and insert your campaign promises and platform there. Be genuine for once okay? If you aren't familiar with the product, just say you aren't. Besides, the name Hil-Rod reminds me of A-Rod, a baseball player.

Secondly, Obama. While I don't mind him using the "Do you smell what Barack is cooking" line since the amusing comparison between him and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has been established, I also think he read off of cue cards and he had a big "man, this is silly" smile throughout the whole thing. It is silly. Look, Barack, I know that you don't want to come off as an "elitist," but come on.

Random side note: Since when is being elite bad? "I don't want a candidate who thinks he's better than me." I got news for all you. The candidates are the candidates because they ARE better than you. And no matter how many Pabst Blue Ribbons they share in a bar with you, they KNOW they are better than you. I think it's a stupid notion that people want a candidate that is a "regular joe." I don't want a "regular joe." I want the best, the brightest, the strongest our country has to offer. I want someone who is among the...what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yeah...ELITE! Mind you, don't confuse "elite" with "rich." Many folks are elite with or without the bank account, so don't take money into the equation. Folks, there are plenty of other intelligent reasons to be against certain candidates. I want to focus on the person that will prevent gas from being $5 a gallon, not the candidate who can at least bowl a 200.

Barack, you're not a wrestling fan. I'm not a graduate from Harvard. I'm okay with not attending an Ivy League school, like you did. You should be okay with not knowing what a Hornswoggle is, like I do. It's both okay.

McCain, while he was probably coached, actually came off like he had attended a wrestling match or two back in the day. Hell, he's old enough that he had to bump into at least one or two on T.V. While his verbal onslaught of every other wrestling catchphrase since 1985 was a bit much, he actually looked like he had fun. I'm sure he wasn't a genuine wrestling fan, but he at least faked it correctly. However, saying stuff like having the Undertaker take care of Osama Bin Laden makes me question your strategy and seriousness on the War on Terror.

Point is, while entertaining, all three of these candidates were being something that they aren't. While I am glad that they wanted to address the WWE audience, I don't like that they patronized the WWE audience. They could have used this opportunity to gain some votes by talking about the differences amongst the other candidates and addressing issues that the majority of fans in WWE's demographic care about. Instead, they mostly used it for expensive playtime. This could have been used to garner more votes. Instead, it made them, especially the Democrats, look like foolish posers. Candidates, you aren't wrestling fans...don't try to be me. Just talk to me. If you don't know the difference, then I can't help you.

At the same time though, like this amusing cartoon indicates, there probably isn't anything more phony than pro wrestling other than politics.

Barnes' Top Ten Favorite Fictional Bands: #9- Wyld Stallyns

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bill S. Preston, Esq. and "Ted" Theodore Logan. They are...WYLD STALLYNS! These two apparently-destined-to-be-great men forged a band so rockin' that they effect future politics and ways of life in the movies, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. They weren't always good guitarists, as seen here, but their love of music and never say die attitude (and I really mean never say die, they survived going to Hell and beat Death in Battleship in order to get back to Earth). These gentlemen went to ultimate lengths to achieve their dreams and their passions, which serve as an inspiration to all of us. The two also preach the simple yet poignant axiom, "Be excellent to each other." It's with those reasons that the Wyld Stallyns get a spot at the list at number nine.

Watch the Stallyns come to their own in their cover of a KISS song which was really performed by Steve Vai...did you get all that?

God gave rock and roll to us. Thank you, Bill and Ted, for reminding us.

Barnes' Top Ten Favorite Fictional Bands: #10- The Misfits

No, no, not these guys.

These girls.

Yes, that's right. The major villains in the 1980's animated series JEM broke into the top ten list. While I only caught mere glimspes of them during the show's run (I was too infatuated with Transformers, He Man, and Thundercats at the time), I am happy to include this bad girl group. While little girls might have been inspired by JEM and her Holograms, I think that the Misfits have possibly inspired future punk girl groups. Along with the show providing music videos of the Misfits, no doubt riding the then-pioneering MTV, and showing some...odd fashion sense caught my eye. Also the fact that their name and songs remind me of better music.

There is first Pizzazz Gabor, the lead vocalist and guitarist, fitting the stereotypical rich girl gone bad. She could go far if not for her obsession with Holograms and as long as no one refers to her real name, Phyllis. Then there is Roxy Pellegrini, the bassist of the group, a high school dropout who fights personal illiteracy with the power of rock. Stormer Philips, primary songwriter, the group conscience, and master of the almighty keytar! Rounding out the band is Jetta Burns, who is as good on the sax as she is at lying and stealing.

So congrats to the Misfits to making it to my list at number 10.

"I Like Your Style"

"Outta My Way"

"Welcome to the Jungle" (Axl Rose is gonna sue for this one)

April 25, 2008: The Day I Became An Adult

I realized that I am no longer a child, but became a full fledged adult on April 25, 2008. I went to bed at 8:00 PM on a Friday night because I had to work the the next day. When you sacrifice a night of potential fun for a good night's rest, that, my friends, is when you have truly turned into an adult...



Or regressed back into a five year old by having an early bedtime.

Not So Much Writer's Block, but Writer's Boredom/Favorite Internet Video Stars

Since I've been bitten by the writing bug again recently due to finding new stand-up material and a visit from my friend's boyfriend who is a professional screenwriter (look for Anaconda 3, straight-to-DVD in 2010), I decided to dust off an abandoned script that I was writing entitled "World War 2.5" (I'm sure some of you might be either excited, perplexed, worried, or all three). As I am writing this script, I come to realize that I am the kind of writer that needs other things to write about, otherwise I will lose interest. I need to write W.W.2.5 in order to save my brain from getting bored writing stand-up and vice versa.
I also thought that in an effort to make both of those things fresh and new in my brain, that aside from regular blogs that I write, I would also include two top ten lists, in which I will write a little something for each ranking. These two lists shall answer the two important questions that most of you probably ask yourselves: "What are Barnes' Top Ten Favorite Fictional Bands?" and "What are Barnes' Top Ten Favorite Video Game Franchises That Immediately Came To His Mind on April 22, 2008?"
As you can plainly see, my blog is relevant and addresses the real issues. So if something cool comes to mind or if someone wants me to write a Barnesharmonymatch.com.org.tv profile, I'll do so. However, I'll fill in those lists in between those posts. Now, since I don't want a mere blog that is a blog about what's in my blog, here are:

Barnes' Favorite Internet Video Stars That Are Better Than Most Crap That's On Television

Let's face it. Most TV sucks. So where do I go when the idiot box can't entertain or inform me to my standards? The internet of course! Now, 95% of internet video, including youtube, is just home movies, crappy confessions, or just plain bad videos. There are some great diamonds in the huge rough, though. I share some of my favorite diamonds with you, the reader.

Ask a Ninja- What is better than a ninja? No, not pirates, it's a ninja that will gladly answer any query you may have. While the ninja will put his answer in a ninja context (whether your question is ninja related or not), you will be thoroughly informed or at least entertained. With his wild explanations, violent disposition, and cinematography that is reminiscent of the 1960's Batman television series, Ask a Ninja is defintely something to witness. Here are some samples:
The Ninja unearths the truth about an important mythical character.
Can midgets be ninjas? Yes...BEWARE!
Do ninjas go on dates? Of course! Hell, they need a vacation!
You can find other videos on youtube or at http://www.askaninja.com/

Homestar Runner- I know that most of you have probably been to this webpage back in the day, but I still end up going to it and see what Homestar, Bubs, and Strong Bad are up to. It's a great series of toons that never seems to fail to entertain me, whether it be Strong Bad answering emails from fans, little niche cartoons, or fake funny ads for nonexistent products. You can check it all out at http://www.homestarrunner.com/ . Here are samples from the site, like:
A Strong Bad Email: Strong Bad talks about wrestling…what do you expect? It’s my blog.
The first episode of the cult favorite, The Teen Girl Squad!
And ads,like this…it’s creepy because it’s exactly represents my feelings on fast food.

Angry Video Game Nerd- This guy is hilarious. James Rolfe, aspiring filmmaker and internet media maven, is the Angry Video Game Nerd, a nerd who reviews the worst video games of our childhood. His reviews are not just entertaining (warning: ALL of them contain huge amounts of foul language and poop jokes) but make great points that all wannabe and current game creators should bear in mind when making a video game. His early videos are a little bit crude looking, but now that he has financial backing from http://www.gametrailers.com/ and http://www.screwattack.com/ , his videos have a greater quality and even have special effects. His videos can be seen at those sites, on youtube, or at his personal website http://www.cinemassacre.com/. Here are some of my favorites:
Thou shalt not play Wisdom Tree games!
No wonder Silver Surfer is seen as a D list superhero.
The Nerd doesn’t only go after games, but crappy video game accessories as well. Take this, Sega 32X!

Cinefiles- The top contestants from IFC's Ultimate Film Fanatic have gathered together for a round table discussion and debate about various film topics. Their show airs in NYC on a local cable access channel, but they have extended their reach by posting their episodes on youtube along with having a myspace page. Unlike many wannabe critics on the internet, these guys don't crap on all movies like a guy who hates movies nor think a film is good with reasons like "It's just totally awesome!" or "Dude, she shows her tits in it!" These guys know their stuff or at least think that they know so much that they actually research to the point that they actually end up knowing their stuff. And they don't talk about regular flavor of the week movies, they do stuff like:

Discussing political documentaries. No there’s no Michael Moore in this one…they have one about him specifically here.
Talk about films inspired, based on, or totally ripping off author Philip K. Dick.
Also, the Crew debates, discusses, and disgusts over comic book movies.

The Stack- Yeah, I'm a nerd. However, I'm a thrifty nerd. I like comic books, but at $2.99 a pop the price can add up. Enter these guys. They review comics and trade paperbacks so that nerds like me get a heads up on what to check out and what to probably avoid. They cover not only the weekly books, but other stuff as well. You can see them at http://www.pulpsecret.com/ , http://www.newsrama.com/ , or subscribe to them on youtube. Some of their videos include:
Reviews of their favorite graphic novels.
Quality comics that are appropriate for you, your kid brother, and grandad.
New manga that us in the U.S. can sample.

The Kid from Brooklyn- Not to be confused with his adversary,the Guy from Boston, the Kid "tells it like is" and touts to be "The Voice of the People." The Kid is the grumpy, old man that your grandfather lives next door to that reminisces of the good ol' days but, unlike the grandpa's neighbor, acknowledges the current state of affairs. Picture if Grandpa Simpson, Lewis Black, and Archie Bunker are blended together then soaked in a marinade made of foul language and the manners of the stereotypical New Yorker. The Kid's videos can be seen at his site, http://www.thekidfrombrooklyn.com/, but I rather look at his rantings that are posted on youtube.
Disclaimer: The Kid from Brooklyn's views and obscene language, while entertaining, do not necessarily reflect the views of the author of this blog. So don't write to your congressman about me drowning America's values.
The Kid's samples are here:
Based on this rant, I think the Kid hates, hates, hates Valentines Day.
GET OUTTA BROOKLYN, STARBUCKS!
Good to see the Kid care about the state of the economy.

Deep Fried Live!- I don't watch cooking shows. They either a) focus too much on cooking for me to be entertained or b) the personalities on the show annoy me. Well, how is this cooking program different? The chef is an octopus. Did I get your attention? Chef Tako hands out real recipes in this awesome flash cartoon. Not only do you get to learn how to make various dishes while being entertained, the sidebars on the borders of the cartoon have links with various fun facts, other cooking recipes, or links to websites to purchase any necessary cookingware. You can check out the creators' webpage at http://www.8legged.com/ . Some samples are:
Chef Tako teaches us how to cook exotic birds…okay, maybe not that exotic.
Can you make a flan out of pumpkin…apparently, yes!
I never thought I’d ever entertain the thought of cooking meatloaf…until now.

The House of Cosbys- What's better than one Bill Cosby? How about a house filled with them? Let me explain via the theme song:
He was a Cosby fan at heart, it's clear
He searched and found a Cosby hair
He spent ten long years and built a cloning machine
And now he's accomplished his wonderful dream
To make a House of Cosbys
It's a House of Cosbys

Rather than spoil it for you, watch the first episode of this funny yet unfortunately discontinued cartoon that you can easily search for on youtube. Be forewarned, some episodes have crude language and some Cosby related nudity.

So if you're bored, check some of these things out. Also, please send a link to some of your favorite ongoing internet video series on the comments page to this email to share your favorite videos with me and my fellow blog readers. Peace.

I'm Online. Go Me.

So this guy has been recording us budding comedians at Bonkers Comedy Club and posting video of our sets online on his website. You can watch me here. I did okay. This was my first set in a long while and in front of a sorority that had a mixer at the club. Real post later.

(Video is in Quicktime format and works best in Firefox)

Do You Smell What Barack Is Cooking?

Now, I shy away from discussing partisan politics on my blog. Usually it's due to these reasons:
1) I don't think I'm educated enough to eloquently explain my position on issues/candidates.
2) I don't care about or don't trust certain issues or candidates.
3) I'm a moderate, so I don't like most politicians. Also, if I might agree with some ideas from one candidate and disagree with the candidate's other ideas and I state about the stuff I like about the candidate, people will ask me why I like him/her because of the stuff I would usually disagree with. Just because I support the eating of hamburgers doesn't mean that I endorse McDonalds.
4) If I make a public political statement it would be held against me or someone would try to debate me to death to convince me to be on their side when I have no interest in convincing them to be on my side. So if you disagree with me, that's fine. Just don't expect me to defend my position to you because quite frankly, my opinion doesn't even equal 1% of a deciding vote and ultimately, I have other things to do then play an armchair political pundit game of which I have no deep interest in.

Now, with that being said, I'm going to break my usual political silence. Here goes. I don't know if I'm voting for John McCain. I don't know if I'd vote for Barack Obama. All I know is that I'm not voting for Hillary Clinton. But why? It's not because she's a woman. It is not because I disagree with the majority of her policies (which doesn't mean that I do agree with her policies). It's because I don't like her. Why? She seems fake, or if the other candidates are also fake, she is the worst at being fake. Also, she annoys me. Obama and McCain do not.

Is that a childish reason? Yes. However, I know that no matter who gets to be president, there will ultimately be some things being done that I agree with and stuff that I don't agree with. If you think you are going to get the leader that does everything you want him/her to do, you couldn't be more misguided if you tried. So with that mindset, I look at some of the issues and the candidates' demeanors and I think that I wouldn't mind McCain or Obama being president.

I don't think that way about Hillary. John McCain strikes me as an experienced person that knows what he's talking about and is willing to listen to input from other people regardless of party. Obama strikes me as an idealist that wants to change the U.S. for the better while accepting the guidance and wisdom of other people. Hillary strikes me as a person who will do her agenda without really paying attention to what is really going on. I think she even takes her husband, the former president's, advice with a grain of salt. That and I either don't agree with her views or don't agree with her methods of obtaining the views that I agree with.

So let be known to the world, that the candidate that I will vote for in 2008 will be...Not Hillary Clinton. Thus I will post a bumper sticker on my car that reads "No Clinton in '08." Actually, I won't do that because bumper stickers are hard to remove and I don't want to be the future equivilant of the guy that still has a Gore/Lieberman sticker on his car in 2008.

On another note, it's been established on every other radio show in the country that Barack Obama and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson sound creepily alike. However, I never knew how much until I saw this video. I'm sorry, Mr. Obama, but it's called the WWE title now. I hope you do win the primary from the "thong wearing fatty," though.

Barnesharmonymatch.com.org.tv/Colonel's Profile

This one is for the Colonel.

Eric is one of most levelheaded men I've met. His wit and knowledge are as quick and solid as roundhouse kick from one of his heroes, Chuck Norris. His love of God and reason is as huge as the muscles of his other hero, Mr. T. His nickname The Colonel fits him well, due to his ability to lead and teach. Just because he sees all things from all perspectives doesn't mean that he tries to be all things to all people. As a reverend, he is able to bring and distribute hope to others. As a friend, he brings more love and truth than most. It is impossible for Eric to be more mellow. Seriously, the man is calmer and more tranquil than most trees. His sense of humor is as big and as wide as two grizzly bears duct taped together. Ladies, date him already. Hippies need not apply.

Hope this helps, bud.

Barnesharmonymatch.com.org.tv. or Single? Let Me Tell You About My Friend, Jen...

Okay. I apparently did a bang up job for not only Shannon, but Rachael as well in terms of profiles for dating sites. I've had more requests and decided that if you wish for me to write a profile for you, whether you are male or female, I will gladly do so if asked. The only catch is that I have to put it up publicly on my blog and that you get no say in how you are described. One that note, let me tell about my friend who is also in Japan named Jen.

Jen loves PBR. And by PBR, I mean Peanut Butter and Running. Seriously, you can't catch her, but she'd appreciate it if you tried to keep pace with her. Jen also loves everything that has to do with people: hanging out with friends, hanging out with new people, hanging out with old people, going out to find people, and even travel to another country to teach people. Jen has learned multiple languages in order to connect with even more people. Jen's love of meeting people is only matched by her need of helping people. Jen's brain is actually a sponge; wanting to learn everything outside the familiar and read whatever is available. Jen has a warm grin that has the innate ability to make you smile back. She's like Phoebe from the sitcom, Friends, only not a dimwit. If you want to change lives and need a partner in crime, look her up. She lives with Rachael.

Colonel, you are next.

What's Happening to America's Muppets?

I was putzing around today wondering what has happened to the Muppets since their hey-day. I mean we do see them pop up now and again, what with Sesame Street still being on the air, but some have done some stuff to make ends meet, scandals have risen, and others have fallen waiting for help to get picked up. Here's what I have found on YouTube about the current status of some of our felt-filled friends.

Beaker has finally come out of his shell, revealing that he is actually one hit wonder, Rick Astley.

Count Von Count has revealed to the public, in song no less, that he has a sex addiction. Please send him your support.

Cookie Monster's cookie cravings have gone too extreme as well.

Jim Henson Productions teamed up with Quentin Tarantino in a story in which pulp meets fluff.

Rob Zombie wanted in on a project as well.

The Monster Muppets left the rest of the crew to join REM of all people.

There are rumors that some Muppets slightly altered their appearance in order run for president. PROOF!

After working with Quentin and Rob, Peter Jackson asked the Muppets to assist in developing a soundtrack for The Lord of the Rings. Ultimately, Peter hired an orchestra.

Despite this setback, Spike Lee wanted to work with the Muppet's Fischer Price Divison.

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem also got a chance to collaborate with Elton John once again...FOR A METAL ALBUM!!!

Well, I hope things continue to thrive for Muppetkind and I hope and wish they each find their own rainbow connection, whatever and wherever that may be.