Baxter (bax'-ter) n. A compromise to "true love." The epitome of "settling." Shorthand for a bachelor with lots of strike outs, who's kind of a loser.
I found out that I am a Baxter. I came across this word yesterday. One of my clients cancelled an appointment with me by not showing up (which unfortunately is a frequent occurance), so to kill time I decided to finger through the Used DVD section of Hollywood Video since they were having a $5 sale on all movies marked $9.99 and under. I came across a movie titled "The Baxter." The Baxter is an indy film written and directed by Michael Showalter, one of members of the comedy trio, Stella. I like Stella. He's in Stella. I read the back of the box. The other two guys from Stella were in it. I had $5. Then, I had a reciept.
Today was my day off since I had to work on Sunday, so after my doctor's appointment, I sat at home, ate a donut, and watched the film. Pretty good. Pretty funny. Pretty sad that I totally relate to the protagonist. The film opens to a scene all people who have seen one romance have seen before. We're treated to seeing a wedding. The preacher says, "Let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Guy crashes through the doors, says I love you to the bride, bride cries, bride hands off flowers to groom, bride and wedding crasher kiss. This movie isn't about them, though. It's about the guy left at the alter.
Granted, I've never gotten close to walking the isle in my 23 years. Hell, I've never really made it to date #1 in a relationship. However, after watching the entirety of the film which includes his past mishaps and being usurped in relationships or just being dumped entirely, I totally relate to the main character.
I am a Baxter. Granted, I'm not clean cut nor I am particularly outwardly dorky looking, but deep down I'm pretty boring. Not "mayo and Wonderbread" boring, but "Spaghetti again?" boring. I'm also too nice. Need a coat? I'll give it to you. Need a glass of water? I'm there. Need someone to vent to? Of course, I'm up for it. Do I regret these things? Do I want no one to ask me for anything again? Of course not. However, I'll never understand why a good chunk of females neglect the guy who waits in a long line outside at a local football game on a cold day to buy you a hot chocolate, to converse with a guy that is kind of a dick but you think you can change.
In high school, I was the big brother. Every date I asked for the dance never said "Yes" they said "I guess so" or the even worse "You'll do." In college, I was the less country-fed, more intelligent, non-Oprah worshiping Dr. Phil. Need to bitch about your boyfriend? Talk to Erik. Need a good cry and vent? Talk to and hug Erik. Need sex advice from a guy despite the fact he is a virgin? Talk to, but don't perform on Erik.
Most of the time, many women call this type of man a safety net. If your current boyfriend turns into an ass, it's alright because you have a safety net to fall back on. Safety net. In case of emergency, break open glass. However, I'm not a safety net. Women date the safety net. I'm a crash pad. Crash pads absorb the impact, cushion the blow, protect and make sure you aren't hurt so you can walk off to try to walk the tightrope again. While it's nice and soft, for some reason no one wants to stick around on the crash pad.
I am pitying myself for being a Baxter? No. I don't mind it too much since I'm flattered so many women in my life had come to me for comfort and advice. It's still frustrating as hell sometimes, though. It'd be nice to play another role once and a while. It'd also be nice to have someone match the exact same enthusiasm as me when I go out with them. I'm a Baxter for now, but not forever. Why? Because I've never been one to "settle" for something I don't want or that will "settle" for me.
I'm either going to a gold medal or nothing at all. Not silver medal. Not bronze. Not even a ribbon that says "Participant." One day, I'll be wearing some gold around my neck while I hug a person who's also wearing gold around her neck. Peace.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
It's been too long...another wrestling blog
Yeah, it's a wrestling blog today. I'm just gonna name my current favorite wrestlers that appeared this past week on the four major shows on TV.
RAW
#3 and #2- The Highlanders- WWE definitely needs more tag teams and this team has shown great work in promos, in matches, and flow. WWE needs to showcase these guys more often and after a good run, top it off with a Tag title streak.
#1- Jeff Hardy- Mr. "Hey, remember 1999?" is actually making me a fan of his by actually telling stories in the ring as opposed to making each match a showcase of car-wreck flying moves. While I think his feud with Johnny Nitro couldn't be any more stale, he is still doing his best to make those matches fresh.
Smackdown!
#3- Chris Benoit- I'm biased because he's my favorite and Smackdown is the home of workrate, but Benoit hasn't lost a step since coming back from his shoulder injury and can make any wrestler look good. Tatanka, say "Thank you."
#2- Findlay- The Irishman who "loves to fight" may not be the most muscular or the youngest, but with his character and ability to make others look good in the ring makes him entertaining to watch and makes the fans love to see him get beat up.
#1- William Regal- I'm loving the fact that Smackdown! is allowing Regal to unleash his more brutal style than play off his comedy. His training in catch-as-catch-can chain wrestling that he learned in England is a breath of fresh air here on the other side of the pond. He is the only man in American wrestling that can make a finisher out of a running knee to the temple look legit.
ECW
#3- Lashley- New brand. New monster. Let's make some money.
#2- Elijah Burke- I dig Elijah as a wrestler, but I already know that if he were to retire tomorrow he'd come back a color commentator.
#1- CM Punk- Punk is unquestionably the best star to break out on ECW. His workrate is good, he makes me enjoy watching Mike Knoxx wrestle (which is normally a chore), and he is in my opinion the best promo man under the WWE umbrella next to Ric Flair.
TNA: iMpact!
#3-Christopher Daniels- The Fallen Angel is where he needs to be: on the cusp of the main event, but just below enough to make newer stars. Chris Daniels is one of the few wrestlers in TNA that doesn't look out of place anywhere on the card. Put him in the opening match, the show will be off to a great start. Place him in the middle, it'll break up any malaise in the show and re-energize the crowd. Need to top off the show? Put him in the main event. While I want to see him outside of the X-Division, they currently need him to rebuild and revive the division for prime time.
#2- Kurt Angle- I hope you didn't come back too early, Kurt. You sure didn't look out of place. Angle brings excitement and fresh new dream matches into TNA. As much as I can't wait to see Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle (a wrestling nerd's wet dream), I also can't wait to see Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles...Angle vs. Christopher Daniels...Angle vs. Ron Killings...oh, and Angle vs. Sting.
#1- Samoa Joe- Joe may need to spend more time on the treadmill, but his strong, smack and choke style makes him look like a legitimate contender in wrestling and MMA. "Joe's Gonna Kill You" started out as a fun chant, but after watching his matches recently, he looks like he is killing his opponent.
Peace.
RAW
#3 and #2- The Highlanders- WWE definitely needs more tag teams and this team has shown great work in promos, in matches, and flow. WWE needs to showcase these guys more often and after a good run, top it off with a Tag title streak.
#1- Jeff Hardy- Mr. "Hey, remember 1999?" is actually making me a fan of his by actually telling stories in the ring as opposed to making each match a showcase of car-wreck flying moves. While I think his feud with Johnny Nitro couldn't be any more stale, he is still doing his best to make those matches fresh.
Smackdown!
#3- Chris Benoit- I'm biased because he's my favorite and Smackdown is the home of workrate, but Benoit hasn't lost a step since coming back from his shoulder injury and can make any wrestler look good. Tatanka, say "Thank you."
#2- Findlay- The Irishman who "loves to fight" may not be the most muscular or the youngest, but with his character and ability to make others look good in the ring makes him entertaining to watch and makes the fans love to see him get beat up.
#1- William Regal- I'm loving the fact that Smackdown! is allowing Regal to unleash his more brutal style than play off his comedy. His training in catch-as-catch-can chain wrestling that he learned in England is a breath of fresh air here on the other side of the pond. He is the only man in American wrestling that can make a finisher out of a running knee to the temple look legit.
ECW
#3- Lashley- New brand. New monster. Let's make some money.
#2- Elijah Burke- I dig Elijah as a wrestler, but I already know that if he were to retire tomorrow he'd come back a color commentator.
#1- CM Punk- Punk is unquestionably the best star to break out on ECW. His workrate is good, he makes me enjoy watching Mike Knoxx wrestle (which is normally a chore), and he is in my opinion the best promo man under the WWE umbrella next to Ric Flair.
TNA: iMpact!
#3-Christopher Daniels- The Fallen Angel is where he needs to be: on the cusp of the main event, but just below enough to make newer stars. Chris Daniels is one of the few wrestlers in TNA that doesn't look out of place anywhere on the card. Put him in the opening match, the show will be off to a great start. Place him in the middle, it'll break up any malaise in the show and re-energize the crowd. Need to top off the show? Put him in the main event. While I want to see him outside of the X-Division, they currently need him to rebuild and revive the division for prime time.
#2- Kurt Angle- I hope you didn't come back too early, Kurt. You sure didn't look out of place. Angle brings excitement and fresh new dream matches into TNA. As much as I can't wait to see Samoa Joe vs. Kurt Angle (a wrestling nerd's wet dream), I also can't wait to see Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles...Angle vs. Christopher Daniels...Angle vs. Ron Killings...oh, and Angle vs. Sting.
#1- Samoa Joe- Joe may need to spend more time on the treadmill, but his strong, smack and choke style makes him look like a legitimate contender in wrestling and MMA. "Joe's Gonna Kill You" started out as a fun chant, but after watching his matches recently, he looks like he is killing his opponent.
Peace.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Too tired for actual paragraphs, have a list.
Didn't update for a while. Here are some random thoughts.
- "I Pity The Fool" is the best. reality. show. ever. Don't dispute me.
- Got to see "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for free, two weeks before it's released. Crude, rude, yet hilarious. Perfect for fans that rock the "D."
- Saw "Borat" tonight. It is fifteen sorts of wrong, but why am I still smiling and giggling to myself two hours after seeing it? Still, I'm glad that I was able to contribute in "making benefit for glorious nation of Kazakstan (sp?)"
- I have the treatment written, now I need to buckle down and write that Spongebob script.
- These crazy people are wearing me out. It might be time to move on.
- I'm 74% sure that I'll move to Florida before Summer of 2007 ends.
- Depression is a daily fight. Hopefully after my next punch the fucker will stay down.
- Thank you, Cincy friends, for love, support, fun, and just plain putting up with me.
- Thank you, Ed, for being the Waldorf to my Statler...or vice versa.
- Congrats to Steph and Tommy. I hope Uncle Ed doesn't spoil your "young Americans" when you eventually have them.
- Hooray for Voting!
- Boo on Negative Campaigning!
- Congrats, Dems...now do something other than talk about forming committees to discuss what to do for the next meeting in preparation for the upcoming announcement of the next plan that is still under consideration.
- Sorry, Repubs. Shouldn't rest on your laurels.
- The road is a little foggy, but I think Lawshe and I will make something great.
- That reminds me. Tommy, I swear I'll write some God, Figs, and Poverty sketches soon!
- People who I should talk to/email more often:
- Jenny T
- Matt Estes
- Brian Sowers
- Emily
- My Uncle Jo
- my old college prof.
- my boss at WOUB
- Mel
- Grax, my boss/bartender at Dale's Bar and Grill
- Andy Riley
- Jesus
- Who would have thought that Anne Rice, yes the Anne Rice that writes about vampires and kinky erotica, would write a good book about Jesus.
- Augusten Burroughs is turning into one of my favorite authors.
- Current favorite comic heroes: Batman, Animal Man, The Question, Deadpool, Midnighter, Green Arrow, Black Adam, Ultimate Thor.
- Fun comic hero facts: Ultimate Thor might be a crazy male registered nurse and Midnighter is gay.
- New favorite comic: Action Philosophers! A comic book that covers the teachings of various philosophers throughout history.
- Spiderman 3. May. Goodness.
- I'm digging Colonel's small group.
- Thank you, Adult Swim cartoons for giving me something to watch before going to bed and starting the work week.
- New favorite anti-superhero comic: The Boys.
Real blog entry later.
- "I Pity The Fool" is the best. reality. show. ever. Don't dispute me.
- Got to see "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" for free, two weeks before it's released. Crude, rude, yet hilarious. Perfect for fans that rock the "D."
- Saw "Borat" tonight. It is fifteen sorts of wrong, but why am I still smiling and giggling to myself two hours after seeing it? Still, I'm glad that I was able to contribute in "making benefit for glorious nation of Kazakstan (sp?)"
- I have the treatment written, now I need to buckle down and write that Spongebob script.
- These crazy people are wearing me out. It might be time to move on.
- I'm 74% sure that I'll move to Florida before Summer of 2007 ends.
- Depression is a daily fight. Hopefully after my next punch the fucker will stay down.
- Thank you, Cincy friends, for love, support, fun, and just plain putting up with me.
- Thank you, Ed, for being the Waldorf to my Statler...or vice versa.
- Congrats to Steph and Tommy. I hope Uncle Ed doesn't spoil your "young Americans" when you eventually have them.
- Hooray for Voting!
- Boo on Negative Campaigning!
- Congrats, Dems...now do something other than talk about forming committees to discuss what to do for the next meeting in preparation for the upcoming announcement of the next plan that is still under consideration.
- Sorry, Repubs. Shouldn't rest on your laurels.
- The road is a little foggy, but I think Lawshe and I will make something great.
- That reminds me. Tommy, I swear I'll write some God, Figs, and Poverty sketches soon!
- People who I should talk to/email more often:
- Jenny T
- Matt Estes
- Brian Sowers
- Emily
- My Uncle Jo
- my old college prof.
- my boss at WOUB
- Mel
- Grax, my boss/bartender at Dale's Bar and Grill
- Andy Riley
- Jesus
- Who would have thought that Anne Rice, yes the Anne Rice that writes about vampires and kinky erotica, would write a good book about Jesus.
- Augusten Burroughs is turning into one of my favorite authors.
- Current favorite comic heroes: Batman, Animal Man, The Question, Deadpool, Midnighter, Green Arrow, Black Adam, Ultimate Thor.
- Fun comic hero facts: Ultimate Thor might be a crazy male registered nurse and Midnighter is gay.
- New favorite comic: Action Philosophers! A comic book that covers the teachings of various philosophers throughout history.
- Spiderman 3. May. Goodness.
- I'm digging Colonel's small group.
- Thank you, Adult Swim cartoons for giving me something to watch before going to bed and starting the work week.
- New favorite anti-superhero comic: The Boys.
Real blog entry later.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Depression
I would say depression is a bitch, but that would imply that depression makes an action. Depression is not a bitch. Depression is that friend at the party that sees you at the otherside of the room, gives you a dirty look, then walks away to the next room. Depression leaves you standing there wondering why the look, what the problem is, and why won't it talk to you about it. Depression stays silent, reading a book, while you scream at the top of your lungs"What's the matter? Talk to me!" Depression has no face. Depression shows only the back of a head.
The reason behind this post is because I am depressed. Don't ask me why because I don't know. I'm tired of feeling guilty for nothing. I'm sick of battling uphill to merely do the things I enjoy. I'm tired of wanting to cry and being unsuccessful. I'm sick of not wanting to leave my apartment and get out of bed. I'm tired of feeling not good enough when I have already accomplished so much in such a small amount of time in my "adult" life. I'm tired of being sad for no explicable reason. I have to lift this weight almost daily and it is wearing me out.
Should I take medication? Maybe, I don't know. As much as it has helped others, (including friends and people I work with) I still fear that it would not only take the edge off feeling bad, but also suck some joy out of the few times I do feel good. I'm afraid that my emotions, while more pleasant, wouldn't be "real."
Do I expect pity? No. There are others more deserving. Do I want prayer? Yeah, it'd be nice. I'm just writing this because writing usually makes me feel better. I'll work out of it. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.
The reason behind this post is because I am depressed. Don't ask me why because I don't know. I'm tired of feeling guilty for nothing. I'm sick of battling uphill to merely do the things I enjoy. I'm tired of wanting to cry and being unsuccessful. I'm sick of not wanting to leave my apartment and get out of bed. I'm tired of feeling not good enough when I have already accomplished so much in such a small amount of time in my "adult" life. I'm tired of being sad for no explicable reason. I have to lift this weight almost daily and it is wearing me out.
Should I take medication? Maybe, I don't know. As much as it has helped others, (including friends and people I work with) I still fear that it would not only take the edge off feeling bad, but also suck some joy out of the few times I do feel good. I'm afraid that my emotions, while more pleasant, wouldn't be "real."
Do I expect pity? No. There are others more deserving. Do I want prayer? Yeah, it'd be nice. I'm just writing this because writing usually makes me feel better. I'll work out of it. I just hope it's sooner rather than later.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Smart Ass(hole)
Not that I haven't noticed already, but I think I'm kind of an asshole. Not a throw-crap-at-you-and-laugh-while-you-are-about-to-go-to-a-job-interview asshole, but a make-saracastic/snide-remark-for-the-sake-of-humor-to-myself-and-sometimes-others asshole. I would say "well, sorry that's who I am," but that's a poor excuse for behavior. It's like Hitler justifying his Anti-Semitism by saying "well, that's who I am and how I was raised."
I guess I use that type of sense of humor because it (most of the time) gets laughs and is a defense mechanism for my own insecurity. I also take full advantage of self-deprecation for the combination of keeping myself humble and make fun of myself before someone else beats me to it. I think it has stayed with me since elementary school when I was being made fun of (maliciously. seriously when is calling someone a "faggot" for no reason funny?) and had to stand up for myself and make up for my social awkwardness (buzzing my head, but keeping my bangs? What was I thinking?).
With that in mind, I have to remind myself that some people just plain don't have the same sense of humor I have or just don't get the joke so I have to make sure my comments don't become misconstued as genuine jerk-offery.
So to those that I have put-off with any of my comments past or present, I'm truly sorry. I tried to joke and it didn't fly, it hurt. Joking like that. is lamer than FDR's legs (there I go, doing it again). In all seriousness, I apologize and if I do it to you and don't like it, call me on it.
To those that I joke around with, feel free to jab, 'cause I'll jab you back for a fun-filled-fun-makery time.
Later.
PS- Hey kids! There is a hidden message somewhere in this blog. Highlight the entry to find it!
I guess I use that type of sense of humor because it (most of the time) gets laughs and is a defense mechanism for my own insecurity. I also take full advantage of self-deprecation for the combination of keeping myself humble and make fun of myself before someone else beats me to it. I think it has stayed with me since elementary school when I was being made fun of (maliciously. seriously when is calling someone a "faggot" for no reason funny?) and had to stand up for myself and make up for my social awkwardness (buzzing my head, but keeping my bangs? What was I thinking?).
With that in mind, I have to remind myself that some people just plain don't have the same sense of humor I have or just don't get the joke so I have to make sure my comments don't become misconstued as genuine jerk-offery.
So to those that I have put-off with any of my comments past or present, I'm truly sorry. I tried to joke and it didn't fly, it hurt. Joking like that. is lamer than FDR's legs (there I go, doing it again). In all seriousness, I apologize and if I do it to you and don't like it, call me on it.
To those that I joke around with, feel free to jab, 'cause I'll jab you back for a fun-filled-fun-makery time.
Later.
PS- Hey kids! There is a hidden message somewhere in this blog. Highlight the entry to find it!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Venting
I'm full of venom right now, so hopefully this post will suck it out (and hopefully be constructive,provoking reading in the process).
-I'm sick of not being able to walk a mile without at least 4 people asking me for money or cigarettes when they don't need it and looking at me with distain when I don't buy into their petty bullshit.
-I'm tired of fake smilies that try to sell me something.
-I'm sick of people being ridiculed for being passionate about something.
-I'm tired of being underutilized.
-I'm tired of no one doing their fucking job.
-I'm tired of caring too much.
-Ironically, I'm also sick of my apathy.
-I'm tired of having no direction.
-I'm tired of my efforts not showing fruit or appreciation.
-I'm sick of people who are too important to call/email back.
-I'm sick of wasting my imagination.
-I'm tired of not being "liked back" by a woman. Just once I'd like to have a woman at least fake being enthusiastic when I ask her out.
-I'm sick of people who prey on others' emotions.
-I'm sick of sex. All of it. The politics, the exploitation, the morals, the act itself, the idea, the obsession, the questions, and the legalities whether it's real, fake, or really fake. There are some days in which I wish I was seven years old again and had no idea or interest in what sex was.
-I'm tired of being alone.
-I'm tired of always starting over.
-I'm tired of people spewing Bible verses at me instead of listening when I have a problem.
-I'm sick of all the arguments about how to worship the same God.
-Sometimes, I'm tired of Cincinnati.
-I'm sick of my alma mater trying to milk money off me when they've done shit for my "career."
-I'm tired of broken promises.
-I'm sick of correctly predicting broken promises.
-I'm sick and tired of hearing "well, that's how life is" whenever I mention any of the above. So if that's your response, keep it to yourself.
-I'm sick of being right when I'm pessimistic.
Don't worry. I'll write something happy later.
-I'm sick of not being able to walk a mile without at least 4 people asking me for money or cigarettes when they don't need it and looking at me with distain when I don't buy into their petty bullshit.
-I'm tired of fake smilies that try to sell me something.
-I'm sick of people being ridiculed for being passionate about something.
-I'm tired of being underutilized.
-I'm tired of no one doing their fucking job.
-I'm tired of caring too much.
-Ironically, I'm also sick of my apathy.
-I'm tired of having no direction.
-I'm tired of my efforts not showing fruit or appreciation.
-I'm sick of people who are too important to call/email back.
-I'm sick of wasting my imagination.
-I'm tired of not being "liked back" by a woman. Just once I'd like to have a woman at least fake being enthusiastic when I ask her out.
-I'm sick of people who prey on others' emotions.
-I'm sick of sex. All of it. The politics, the exploitation, the morals, the act itself, the idea, the obsession, the questions, and the legalities whether it's real, fake, or really fake. There are some days in which I wish I was seven years old again and had no idea or interest in what sex was.
-I'm tired of being alone.
-I'm tired of always starting over.
-I'm tired of people spewing Bible verses at me instead of listening when I have a problem.
-I'm sick of all the arguments about how to worship the same God.
-Sometimes, I'm tired of Cincinnati.
-I'm sick of my alma mater trying to milk money off me when they've done shit for my "career."
-I'm tired of broken promises.
-I'm sick of correctly predicting broken promises.
-I'm sick and tired of hearing "well, that's how life is" whenever I mention any of the above. So if that's your response, keep it to yourself.
-I'm sick of being right when I'm pessimistic.
Don't worry. I'll write something happy later.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Past Archives in Case You Are Bored
Here are a few of my postings from my former Xanga account. Read them if you are that bored:
July 13, 2006
Random thoughts and Rants
You should be punched in the mouth if:
- You are perfectly ambulatory and use the elevator to ride up only one floor. Use stairs you lazy schmuck.
- Walk across the street in traffic when there is a crosswalk less than 20 feet front of you.
- Takes you over three minutes to process the mere thought that someone wants a burger with no onions and pickles.
- Make another reality television show that requires contestants to sing (relax people, I'm not talking about American Idol...yet).
- Speed up and stay alongside the car trying to shift into your lane.
- Make the same request immediately after someone says no.
- If you are Person #1 in the following short play:
Person #1: Can I have a buck?
Person #2: I don't have any money.
Person #1: Don't you have any change?
Person #1, when I say I don't have any money, I don't have any money. Change is money. Leave me the fuck alone. I also love the fact that the people that do ask me for money wear better clothes than I do and get pissed off and irritated that I don't buy into their bullshit. Before you get all preachy about helping the poor, let me tell you that I offer to buy them a meal or bus ticket and then they turn me away. That's how you weed out the people who really need help and drunks/druggies who would waste it/take advantage of charity rather than find help or getting a job.
Other thoughts:
- White people: Elvis is dead. Black people: So is Tupac.
- Homemade chicken quesadillas are awesome.
- I'm sad and pathetic. VH1 has a pop culture trivia game show. I'm blowing the contestants out of the water. Man, I need a life.
- Finally saw Fargo. Good flick.
- CDs currently in my car- Three Days Grace, Led Zepplin, Rollins Band, Dispatch, Seether, Lewis Black: Black on Broadway, Pink Floyd: The Wall, Space Ghost's Musical BBQ, Eugene Mirman: En Garde Society!, Tenacious D, and a spoken word CD with Henry Rollins reading entries of his journal from when he sang for Black Flag.
- Saw Big Lebowski for the 94th time with White Russian in hand. Good.
- I hate the fact that I love Superman Returns.
- Unless your name is Will Smith, musicians please stay out of movies and actors stay out of the music industry.
- Ladies: Owen Wilson is not attractive. I'm sorry. He has the ability to be funny at times, but you cannot convince me that a man with a nose like that can be a sex symbol.
- I wish there were new episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
- People I'd like to have dinner with, organized into a week of meals with groups of three for maximum level of unique conversation:
Monday (Lasanga)- Jesus Christ, Henry Rollins, Socrates
Tuesday (Gourmet Burritos)- Tom Hanks, Conan O'Brien, Bruce Lee
Wednesday (Pad Thai)- C.S. Lewis, Brian K. Vaughn, Julia Stiles
Thursday (Lobster)- Jon Stewart, Mahatma Ghandi, Frank Miller
Friday (Steak)- Richard Pryor, Martin Luther King Jr., John McCain
Saturday (BBQ Chicken)- Mother Teresa, Chuck Palahniuk, The Undertaker
Sunday (Breakfast Buffet for Dinner)- Akira Kurosawa, Lewis Black, Ayn Rand
Later.
June 16, 2006
Earthy Superheroes
Batman. Superman. Wonderwoman. Spiderman. Captain America. The Flaming Carrot. These are a few of many examples of the title of "superhero." Realistic heroes such as MLK, Gandhi, and Mother Teresa inspire others and renew the spirit of humanity. Superheroes, I would argue, are just as important.
I'm not trying to be glib nor deflate the impact of the real heroes mentioned and others, however the fictional heroes have inspired ages upon ages of people. Who you might ask? Think of the stories of Johnny Appleseed, Paul Bunyan, Odysseus, Hercules, and the Greek gods. Name one boy who didn't want to live up to the bravery and noble standard set by King Arthur. Or a girl who didn't admire Hester Prynne living above and better than those who dubbed her a whore. Why do people feel inspired by such heroes? Because they can relate to them, but also because we are in awe at the moments in which we stop and say "man, I wish I can/have the guts to do that."
When it comes to superheroes, that's when things could get hokey. The stereotypical superhero, especially in comics from the 1950's, had little problems outside of beating up bad guys. While kids love superheroes based upon their powers and the kids' fantasy to have such power, adults have a hard time relating to most superheroes.
Superman is a great example of this. Name a superpower, Superman has/had it. No one can truly stop him, they can only slow him down. He is a goody two-shoes with a good looking girlfriend and the only thing that can stop him is a green rock that is extremely scarce. Hell, he can even turn back time to stop or save someone if he fails. He has nothing to lose, nothing to risk, and very little personal drama outside of whether or not someone can identify him after he takes off his glasses.
Where is the stuggle? Where's the relatability? This is one of many examples of heroes that no one outside of kids can relate to. However, I wish to argue that there are a handful of heroes that an older crowd can admire and relate to. The best heroes that are written are the ones that are flawed, but try to do their best anyway. Here are some superheroes that I believe can inspire the kid and adult in all of us, along with being able to relate to in real life.
Batman: I'm probably biased since Batman has been my favorite hero since I was a kid, but as I grew into a man, I have a greater appreciation for the Dark Knight. In terms of inspiration, it might sound silly to be in awe of a man dressed like a rodent, however King Arthur had a magician to help him so I still feel validated. Batman embodies mankind's drive to be perfect. He has no powers. He trains. He trains his body. He trains his mind. He is always prepared. He always thinks before he acts. Reading some of his training and his methods, it makes a person think that there could feasibly be a Batman. He knows his limits, and beats them.
In terms of relatability, the very thing that drives Batman is regret and survivors' guilt. He always wish he could have done more to prevent his parents' death. He should have been braver. Should have been stronger. So he becomes these things he was not. Then he had a surrogate son die (the second Robin). He should have been faster. Should have been stronger. He tries again. This drive and this mission drives his loved ones away from him since Batman has to be more than a man. More than Bruce Wayne. How can we relate? Imagine your dream, your mission, your career. How much did you have to sacrifice to get it? How much pain did you go through? And then you realize that it still wasn't enough. Batman's mission is not vengeance, his mission is to keep his own sanity. In many cases, Batman is just as screwed up as the very people he fights against.
Green Arrow: Oliver Queen is an asshole. I don't mean a smartmouth, wiseguy. Let me tell you about Green Arrow. He fights crime and injustice. He stands up for the common man and humanity. He is one of more down to earth heroes in that he has no powers but his archery and ingenuity. He also constantly cheats on his longtime girlfriend no matter how many times he tries remain monogamous. He had an illegitimate child that grew up to become the second Green Arrow which he claims he knew nothing about (even though he was present at his birth). His sidekick became a heroin addict under his supervision. He is stubborn, inconsiderate, and always disappoints those closest to him. And no one knows that more than he does. Yet he tries to do the right thing anyway. He gets up and tries to do the best for the whole, despite his personal crap.
Think about the things that you do or have done, that you wish you could change about yourself. Ponder the habits that you wish to get rid of or the skeletons that you want to clean out of your closet. You say you will change. But you fail. Again. And again. How many of us try to forget our problems by throwing ourselves at our work or through charity. Not as atonement mind you, but as a distraction. That is Green Arrow in a nutshell. Trying his best to not better himself, for it seems to be futile, but at least make a difference for everyone else.
Spiderman: Watch the first movie. A young nerd is given powers. In normal superhero comics, he'd have the girl, money, and love of the public (I'm looking at you, Superman). Spiderman is the only hero that I can think of whose life is worse off with powers than without. Peter's uncle dies due to Peter's sin of inactivity. Spiderman is publicly labeled a menace and is hated by most people. He cannot balance his life as Spiderman and Peter Parker. His guardian is always in poor health. He is always in financial peril. His worst enemy is his best friend's father. And just when he finds a partner to share this burden though his wife, she is murdered. It seems like whenever Spiderman wins, he loses tenfold. I don't think I need to justify relatibility. Everyone loses. Everyone has moments of triumph closely followed by stress or failure.
Wonderwoman: While on the surface she seems to be the female carbon copy of Superman, I disagree. Why? Because she is a woman. She is as strong, as fast, and probably even smarter than Superman, but she is seen as the lesser. It's unfair. However, her character always rises above sexism. She is strong and knows the importance of peace and reason, the reason why she is an ambassador. However, she also has the presence and drive needed in war, which is what makes her a great soldier. She breaks the stereotype of both the tomboyish warrior woman along with the stereotypical delicate superheroine. She demands respect and deserves it. If she has any flaws, it would be her stubborness, however right or wrong she needs to be stubborn in order to be taken seriously at times due to patriarchal bias.
I think she is relatable because how many women are subjected to be compared to men, no matter how successful? How many women are actually equal and even superior to men in work, mind, and/or sport but aren't held as high in regard as men? She is also one of the few superheroines that doesn't flaunt her sexuality and rely on her body. She is also one of the smarter characters written. All of this and it does not compromise her feminity.
There are probably more superheroes that I could write about, however I believe I made my point. Superheroes, like it or not, are the modern mythology. I believe that 500 years from now, the Avengers and the Justice League will be spoken much like we talk about the Norse gods and the Gods of Olympus. One can be inspired by these modern myths like other heroes, if you look hard enough.
June 1, 2006
Comics for Non-comic Readers
Every Wednesday, my inner geek comes out. Wednesday is comic book day. My inner 12 year old rejoices. However, I (like many comic fans out there) believe that the graphic novel medium has been unfairly treated as sophomoric entertainment for small boys, unintelligent adults, or socially inept virgins. I love books. Entertaining stories, poetry, theology, criticism, philosophy, etc. I love 'em. I also love comics. Not just the sci-fi, superhero ones that get made into movies or long running television shows, but ones that are thought-provoking, entertaining, and well written. For those who aren't into the graphic novel medium, I wish to suggest a list of books that are very well written, have great character development, and keep you salivating.
Maus- Maus is considered one of the best graphic novel works today. Maus is artist and writer Art Spiegelman's tale about his conversations with his father who survived the Holocaust, told as mice. With Jews being represented as mice, Nazis as cats, the French as frogs, and many other animals allegorized, the book is reminiscent to George Orwell's classic, Animal Farm. While the bulk of the book is about Art's father's trials and survival, the book also explores Art's frustration at trying to understand and even love his father.
Y: The Last Man- Imagine a plague that killed 48% of the general population, that included 85% of all governmental representatives worldwide, 99% of the world's land owners, over 90% of the world's construction workers, commercial pilots, truck drivers, electricians, mechanics, and 495 members of the Fortune 500. What do all these people have in common? They have testicles. A mysterious plague has killed every living thing with a Y chromosome save for Yorick Brown, a young amateur escape artist, and his helper monkey. To ensure survival of the species, Yorick is paired with a secret agent only identified as 355 and Dr. Allison Mann, a top bioengineer in order to find out the cause of the plague. Why did Yorick survive? Is 355 really more than what she seems? What secret is Dr. Mann hiding? Can a matriarchy grow and overcome the ongoing anarchy? Is Yorick's maybe-fiancee alive in Australia? Can mankind survive? Great dialogue, great character development, and a story that when you think you have all the answers, changes the questions.
Ex Machina- Mayor Hundred is one of the most controversial mayors that New York has ever elected. As an independent, he constantly has to fend off and please both persons on the left and the right. If that is not enough, he has to deal with his past. Like Jesse Ventura and Arnold Swartzeneggar, Hundred was well known before running for office. He was the Great Machine, a man who can talk to machines, make them stop, go, turn on, turn off, jam, or overheat at will. Can the world's first (and probably last) superhero be taken seriously as a politician? Can Hundred escape his vigilante past? And exactly what caused his accident that made him able to mingle with machines? Great dialogue, intriguing stories, and underlying mystery makes this an interesting title. Think the West Wing meets X-Files.
Sin City- Frank Miller's noir tales from the underbelly of Basin City are the most gritty and grippy of the time. Other than the tales told in the movie, stories such as A Dame to Kill For and Hell and Back will stretch your mind with the dirty, jerky art and the tongue-in-cheek, vivid dialogue.
Fables- This one might be too fantasy for some, but I'll list it anyway. Imagine all the tales you have heard from Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Sal, or Walt Disney. Well, they all live in a hidden section of New York City. Driven away from their lands by the mysterious being known only as the Adversary, the Fables live amongst the mudane (or Mundys, as they like to call them) hoping to one day regain their lost land. In the meantime, Snow White is having a hell of a time trying to keep things in order as mayoral assistant of Fabletown, Bigby Wolf tries to maintain law and order as sheriff despite his past as a Grandma eater and Pig home destroyer, Prince Charming attempts to find a new woman while trying to avoid the wrath of his ex-wives Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, and Pinocchio tries to find a way to grow up from a "real boy" to a "real man" so he can get laid. A small fun story that grows and shifts. I've never read a series of books that has the minor characters grow and evolve into the new main characters while the main characters slowly move into minor roles.
Preacher- Jesse Custer was a drunk preacher with a terrible past to deal with. Then Genesis hit. Now this new idea made tangible has given Jesse the Word of God, which can make anyone do whatever Jesse tells them to do. Teamed up with his old girlfriend turned hitman and a hard drinking Irish vampire, Jesse goes on a quest to find God to make Him answer for His abandonment of mankind. Preacher makes a good, odd, graphically violent Western mixed with theology and skepticism. With a slow burning story, heavy violence, and provacative artwork, Preacher may not be for everyone, but I think it's definitely worth a look.
100 Bullets- You are down on your luck and in trouble. Then all of a sudden a man with a briefcase appears. He sits next to you and shows you a photo of the person responsible along with proof of the person's involvement in your misery. The man gives you a gun with 100 untraceable bullets. No court will convict you. If arrested, you'll be immediately freed. He says to do with the gun and bullets as you wish. He then leaves. What do you do? This is the premise of 100 Bullets. A simple series of stories turns into more than what it seems. Who are the Minutemen? What is Kroatoa? If you are into crime/drama with a little noir and conspiracy, this is a title you should pick up.
The Walking Dead- I don't care for zombie books, but this one is awesome. While it does have the whole zombie plague hitting the world, the characters in the book make it worth reading. The book focuses more on the small band of regular people led by a small town cop, trying to survive as a whole, create their own rules, keep their sanity, and live in a society with little food, water, and gas until the government does something...if there is a government left. Characters enter, characters leave, characters die, and characters change. Walking Dead is what Survivor would have been if the game had really mattered and if Lost kept up with good writing...with zombies.
I hope these might change your perspective on "funny books." Happy reading.
May 30, 2006
Summer Movies
I love summer. The warm weather. The cookouts. There is only one thing that will make me stay indoors for a chunk of time. New movies. I love summer movie season. While the Oscar-worthy, artsy flicks that I like to watch occur during the holiday season, summer flicks are the ones that are the most fun. Join me, as I look into some of the movies I plan on viewing this summer.
The Da Vinci Code- Saw it. Read the book. It'll save you over two hours of watching Tom Hanks and Ian McClellan desperately trying to shove good acting into a terribly written movie. And no, it won't change Catholicism as we know it.
X-men: The Last Stand- I saw it. It's pretty good, but it should have been better. Also, the way it ended and the disappointing response to it tells me that there will be an X4, but it'll be a long time before it'll be considered. Who do I blame for the disappointment? Two words. Fuckin' Superman.
Superman Returns- Yeah, I'm watching it, but it'll have to live up to the hype. First it stole one of the main actors from X3, thus making his role in that movie shorter than it should have been. Second, it stole the director of the first two X-men flicks. So I'm already prejudiced against it. Also, I'm pissed at the fact that this movie isn't a restart to the Superman franchise like Batman Begins was to the Batman franchise. This movie is telling us to forget Superman 3 and 4 from the original Christopher Reeve series and that this is the real sequel to Superman 2. First of all, while the Christopher Reeve series was classic, the last Supes movie was over 20 years ago!!!! So they have already alienated people that have never seen Supes 1 and 2. Also, I feel bad for Brandon Routh. Who? Exactly. The man is a virtual unknown, which is good since the Superman character could have been freshened up. However, I'm afraid that because this is the new Superman 3, Routh will be forced to play Christopher Reeve as Superman as opposed to playing Superman. Christopher Reeve is and was Superman, but it's time to move on. Batman Begins would have sucked if they asked Christian Bale to look and act like Michael Keaton as Batman. I'm just watching this flick due to the hype and because I think Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor is the best casting decision ever.
Cars- It's Pixar. They haven't made a bad movie yet. Why should that change?
Nacho Libre- Jack Black + Lucha Libre + director of Napoleon Dynamite = I can't possibly be disappointed.
Clerks 2- A sequel for a movie that's over 10 years old. Probably suck, but I'm a sheep who'll follow Kevin Smith into a mud pit filled with alligators that have knives for blood.
Snakes on a Plane- The only movie that is a cult classic before the official trailers have been released. The title explains it all. Samuel L. Jackson signed on to do the movie after seeing the title alone. Check this out. There is this plane right? And then, someone unleashes a crapload of snakes into it. That's the movie. This movie is also the first flick to actually add profanity and violence in post production! It'll be terrible, but it'll be fantas-terrible!
So enjoy the weather and if you need A/C, check out your local theater.
May 11, 2006
IT'S FICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Da Vinci Code. It's a book. It's now a movie. Settle down, people. To those that want to boycott it or think it is a threat to the Christian faith, allow me to ask a question. Why now?
The book has been out forever and while it has had some backlash it is nothing in comparison to now. Because it's a movie? I thought God was bigger than a film or a book. And guess what? Do you know what section of the bookstore The Da Vinci Code is in? FICTION! Not Theology. Not Philosophy. Not History. Not Spirituality. Not Art. FICTION!
Not only that, how many of you have read the book? Those of you who haven't, shut up and don't say a word unless you read it. For those of you who have, two things. One, a sect of the Catholic church being villains? The main bad guy is not associated with Catholics at all. The two Catholic characters should also be seen as individuals not representatives of their faith. Not only that, if the Catholics should be mad, they should be mad at Angels and Demons. What's Angels and Demons? It's Dan Brown's first book. That's right, The Da Vinci Code is a sequel (and like other sequels, it's not as good as the original)! Why should the Catholics be more mad at Angels and Demons? The villain becomes Pope in that one! But no, due to ignorance and reactionary thinking they go after the popular one.
My second point is this. Christ hooking up with Mary Magdelene and having a family is not an original idea. See in the sixties (or seventies) there was this book (no, not Da Vinci Code, but it was just as fictional) that toyed with the idea of Christ having a family with Double M. It rose eyebrows and was lambasted by many Christians. Later on in the eighties, the book was going to be made into a movie, backed by a great Hollywood director (no, not Ron Howard, it was Martin Scorcese). It also featured a fantastic Hollywood actor (no, not Tom Hanks, it was Willem Dafoe). Protesters thought it was the beginning of the end of the Christian faith. Thousands gathered to have the movie banned, when in fact the free buzz helped make the movie more money. And guess what? The film was released. It made money. It went to video. It was nominated for awards. And the Christian faith didn't die or even falter. The name of the movie was The Last Temptation of Christ. And it didn't hint at a relationship between M.M. and J.C. It had a sex scene.So keep that in mind. This stunt has been done before. Either ignore it or just see it and be done with it. It is fiction. It can't hurt you. It won't shatter your faith either. "What if people think what they say is true?" Well, that's their opinion and think that using that kind of logic means that they must believe that there is a Force in a galaxy far, far away, the Ark of the Covenant will melt their faces in a cartoony way if they look at it, and that the Matrix has them. There I said it. Now go see the movie. Or don't. Whether you do or not, life will go on.
March 13, 2006
T-Shirts
T-shirts. Love 'em. 90% of my wardrobe is dedicated to them. Whether they are black undershirts that can be worn underneath for comfort and proudly displayed when my sweatshirt is unleashed or a ringer tee with a balding man with a mustache that says "Freakin' Ladies Man," the t-shirt is my friend and is never out of fashion. However, there are multiple t-shirts that I wish to create for my own personal collection and use once I find a good distributor and have enough disposable income. Some of them include:
- A black t-shirt with white letters that says "It's okay, some of my best friends are white."
- A blue t-shirt with red lettering that says "You go, Blue Lobster!" (inside joke)
- A white t-shirt with a picture with a picture of Ernest Borgnine. No words are needed.
- A black t-shirt with my picture of a zombie-pirate-ninja on the back and on the front it says "No one can stop the Zombie-Pirate-Ninjas."
- A dark green t-shirt with black letters that says "Save me from pop culture."
- For Easter, I'd wear a t-shirt that says "Jesus is back! Hide the eggs!"
- If I do make it as a professional wrestler, I want my t-shirt to say "THIS IS AN ERIK BARNES T-SHIRT" on the back and on the front have a blank space that says "INSERT PHOTO OF ERIK BARNES."
- I want a red t-shirt with white letters that says "The best part of waking up is knowing Samoa Joe didn't kill you in your sleep." (Google Samoa Joe if you don't know who he is.)
- A black t-shirt with yellow letters that says, "So I ask myself, what would Batman do?"
- A t-shirt with an picture of an open book with calligraphy that says "READ DAMMIT!"
- A t-shirt with my tattoo design on the front.In meantime, I'll just wear the t-shirts that I've had since high school and continue to dream. Support the movement. Wear a t-shirt someday this week. Peace.
February 1, 2006
Things I Overhear that Annoy Me
I'm doing my best not to turn this blog into a "What Erik Hates" forum, but I do need to get some stuff off my chest anyway and I'll try to make it funny if I can in order for you, the reader, to keep reading. Here's some stuff that I overhear that rubs me the wrong way:
"God wants me to be rich."- Show me where in the Bible it says "Blessed are the rich" and I'll buy into your theory (and no, "Blessed are the rich in spirit" does not count). Joel Osteen and T.D. Jakes, I'm looking in your direction.
"I (insert action here) on accident"- You never do anything on accident, you do it by accident. It is not like you put something on the accident, it is through or by your action that it becomes an accident. Unless you have an item or there is a person you know named Accident (which would be a jerkhole thing for a parent to do), this is grammatically incorrect.
"He/She/It is not a real Christian."- What constitutes a real Christian outside of the basic beliefs? Where are the counterfeit Christians? Do they lack a watermark? Plus, saying that isn't a real Christian thing to say.
"It's not you, it's me."- B.S. line. There is something about me that doesn't set well with you. Maybe it's not something overt or visible, but you don't think we can make it. It might be you partially, but there is something that comes from me, whether it be a habit, appearance, or an outlook on life, that doesn't sit well with you. It's okay, tell me that you don't think it'll work, but don't use a B.S. line that George Costanza created.
"He literally (insert thing that the person did not literally do)"- If you tell me "I literally pissed my pants," I'll immediately ask if you washed your pants. "Literally" is the only word I can think of that if you misuse it, you are doing the exact opposite of what the word was intended for. Unless you are a complete moron and use "literally" as a twisted noun that you made up. "I'm typing on the literally."
"This(item) is being gay."- Really? That computer of yours like computers of its same gender? That Mortal Kombat video game that you can't beat looks longingly at fellow Mortal Kombat games? Is your toaster getting ready for the pride parade? No? Then stop it.
"Fuckin' Jews. Murderin' Jesus...etc."- Whoa, there buddy. Yeah, the Jews did kill Jesus...along with the Romans...and everyone else who was there and did nothing. By the way, since you hate all Jews, why does Jesus get special treatment? Whether his skin color was black, white, or purple, the guy was Jewish, too. Did he get a special membership card or something? "The Jews rule and control everything." Yeah, they just made up the Crusades, the Holocaust, and kept the conflict with Palestine to a boil just to throw us off. Show me a photo of the five Jew bankers that control the Earth with papers in their hands that say "How to Hypnotize the Masses through their Drinking Water" and I'll consider your theory.
"When you get married and have kids..."- You know, marriage is cool. Parenting is a noble, fantastic, worthwhile effort. However, why do people assume that I'm going to be married, much less having children? I got stuff I want to do and accomplish right now and who knows, maybe I'll never be married or have kids. Why is that automatically seen as a bad thing? I've been single for 23 years and I'm doing alright. Why is it that the majority of our society are afraid of lifelong single people? If something happens, that's great. If I die without a widow, that's great, too. That's just me. Apparently, just being me and not being "we" isn't good enough for some.
"I like eggs."- No, I like eggs! Find your own thing that you like!
"We need to win the war on Racism, Terrorism, Fanatacism, etc."- Going to war on an idea or an ideal is foolhardy. Why? Who are we fighting? Is Racism a physical being that we can destroy then all ill feelings will go away? Will there ever be a point in which all terrorists will be captured and we'll be like "Whew, got 'em all, everyone loves everyone again." Ideas can be weakened, but never destroyed. Nazism was thrown out of power and popularity in the 1940's, yet it still exists in Neo-Nazism. Granted Neo-Nazis aren't going to win many votes to get into power or ever get enough numbers to make a huge impact, but there are still scars that remain from that festering wound from years past. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for change, but at the same time don't think it's a battle that will end or be fully won. I'd love to see a fully cooperative society without hate or prejudice, but I don't think its possible through mankind due to the free will of mankind.
That's what bugs me. It doesn't anger me so much as I wish people would think. Take care and I'm going to write about some positive stuff next time.
January 10, 2006
Turning 23 (hey, that's sounds like a cool band name)
At 9:30pm on January 10 of 2006, I turned 23 years old. Now that I am considered an elder and one step closer to "mid-twenties single white male" demographic, I thought I would share some wisdom that I have picked up during my 23 year survival:
- No matter how terrible life is, it cannot be as bad as a feudal serf's.
- Dreams are only too big if you see them as such.
- If you don't fear death, you have achieved true life.
- Hating takes too much time and energy to be worth it.
- Love takes time and energy but is always worth it.
- Accept compliments and gifts without obligation.
- Whoever thinks "He who dies with the most toys wins" is sad and deserves pity.
- Respect was never earned through shouting or berating.
- Chicken + Pizza = Brilliant.
- Anyone who thinks "I can change him/her" is delusional.
- There should be a Hooray for Singlehood holiday to counteract Valentine's Day/Sweetest Day. Hooray for Singlehood would involve going out w/ single friends for guys/girl's night out and have nothing romantic about it. As for single guys, celebrate by leaving the toilet seat up, walk around your apartment in your boxers, don't shave, and call in sick to work to play video games and watch Die Hard all day. Ladies, don't shave your legs, invite your girlfriends over and drink daiquiris, and watch Xena Warrior Princess and/or Murphy Brown to celebrate the sucessful, strong single woman...also, call in sick and play video games all day.
- Pain is an obstacle, not a hindrance.
- Normally, when you shave a part of your body, the hair does not grow back thicker.
- The some of the best books/movies/television shows are the ones no watches or reads.
- Occasionally, stubborness is a good thing.
- In most cases, stubborness is not a good thing.
- Life is measured in quality not quantity (see D. Lowe).
- Disagreement and intolerance are different. This is one of those things in which sometimes stubborness is not a good thing.
- One man's piss is another man's nectar.
- Make today worth it.
That's it. I can't wait until I turn 50 when my observations have more weight.
January 2, 2006
My Take on Pro Wrestling a.k.a. Leave Me Alone, Dammit.
When I started this online blog or journal or whatever, I told myself I wouldn't talk about wrestling too much. Why? Because 95% of people who are probably reading this aren't fans, have no opinion, or just plain don't like it. I'm not saying you should. People's interests vary. However, since I was ten years old when I first started watching wrestling, whenever it was brought up that I watched it, I felt like I always had to defend it or justify it. Some people just won't let it go.
When someone mentions "I like the Sopranos," the majority of the time the reaction is "I like it," "I don't like it.," "I heard good/bad things about that," or "What's the Sopranos?" Then the conversation moves from there. Either they talk about it or they don't, without the Sopranos fan needing to defend his reasoning for liking it either to save face or prove himself intelligent. Sure he can give his reasons and points out why he likes it, but it isn't socially coerced.
When a person mentions "I like hockey, football, ballet, ice skating, etc.," the reaction is the same. Like it, don't, heard, or uninformed. The conversation either moves on to the next topic, continues, or has the fan explaining the rules to the interested uninitiated. Probably someone might say "Football sucks," but neither of them is seen as lesser in terms of opinion.
Now when wrestling is brought up in front of others, in my personal experience, the majority of the time there is negativity. I have yet to hear someone say to me "Huh...that's cool I guess," The question is always "Why?" Or, 90% of the time, "Why do you watch that crap?" Whenever I've mentioned that I watch The Simpsons, not one person asked "Why?" When I've said that I watch hockey no one says "Why?" The reason? They didn't care why or just accepted the fact that it appealed to me. People normally either found common ground or just moved on. There wasn't a bombardment of questions. I just like Simpsons and hockey. You do or don't or want to know more. That's it.
Why do you watch that crap?
I like the athletic exhibition, the cheesy comedy, and occasional drama.
Why do you watch it? Don't you know it's fake?
Don't you know that 24, The O.C., The Office, and all motion pictures without the word "documentary" in them are fake? I'm just following the trend.
Don't rednecks or people with low intelligence watch it?
Yeah, they do. So do the middle class and upper class and whoever it appeals to. Just like other television programs. Even rednecks watched Frasier.
Don't you know the fights are fixed?
Yeah, so are the ones in Rocky I through V, The Matrix, and Jackie Chan flicks. So are the games in The Longest Yard, Bull Durham, Major League, and (believe it or not) Space Jam. Just because you know Batman will win in the end, it doesn't ruin the whole movie.
It's not a real sport.
I never said it was. It's not supposed to be. However, fans themselves can judge how good a match is much like judges for ballet, ice skating, and gymnastics. It's an exhibition of athleticism, not a contest.
The acting is terrible.
Yeah, it can be at times. Just like in a lot of soap operas and every Keanu Reeves movie ever.
How am I supposed to take this (character/storyline) seriously?
There is something called imagination along with suspense of disbelief. Like other programs, wrestling hits at times and misses in others. It's hard for me to believe that there is this guy who masters a mysterious, invisible energy that can give special powers so he can defeat a masked-helmet wearing man with a weird name . Yet I enjoyed watching Luke Skywalker beat Darth Vader anyway.
Those guys aren't real athletes. They don't experience pain like real athletes.
A few aren't in great condition, but 90% are in better condition than NFL offensive linemen at the very least. However, I know that the guys that are on television every week are getting slammed on canvas covered wood at least 4 days a week, traveling around the country (sometimes the world if there is an international tour) for over 45 weeks a year with no off season. I'm not comparing who has it tougher when it comes to other sports, but it's hard pressed to not call them athletes.
Those are my answers. That's it. I'm done. I'm tired of always answering questions about wrestling as if it were something other than a television show or a theatrical production. I'm sick of defending my reasoning for liking it other than mere taste. If you want to talk to me about it further, I'm all for it. Just don't treat it separately from any other television show. If people want to grill me to make me feel inferior for watching it, quit wasting my time. There's no reason for me to talk about it to someone who isn't open to understanding it in the first place. Peace.
July 13, 2006
Random thoughts and Rants
You should be punched in the mouth if:
- You are perfectly ambulatory and use the elevator to ride up only one floor. Use stairs you lazy schmuck.
- Walk across the street in traffic when there is a crosswalk less than 20 feet front of you.
- Takes you over three minutes to process the mere thought that someone wants a burger with no onions and pickles.
- Make another reality television show that requires contestants to sing (relax people, I'm not talking about American Idol...yet).
- Speed up and stay alongside the car trying to shift into your lane.
- Make the same request immediately after someone says no.
- If you are Person #1 in the following short play:
Person #1: Can I have a buck?
Person #2: I don't have any money.
Person #1: Don't you have any change?
Person #1, when I say I don't have any money, I don't have any money. Change is money. Leave me the fuck alone. I also love the fact that the people that do ask me for money wear better clothes than I do and get pissed off and irritated that I don't buy into their bullshit. Before you get all preachy about helping the poor, let me tell you that I offer to buy them a meal or bus ticket and then they turn me away. That's how you weed out the people who really need help and drunks/druggies who would waste it/take advantage of charity rather than find help or getting a job.
Other thoughts:
- White people: Elvis is dead. Black people: So is Tupac.
- Homemade chicken quesadillas are awesome.
- I'm sad and pathetic. VH1 has a pop culture trivia game show. I'm blowing the contestants out of the water. Man, I need a life.
- Finally saw Fargo. Good flick.
- CDs currently in my car- Three Days Grace, Led Zepplin, Rollins Band, Dispatch, Seether, Lewis Black: Black on Broadway, Pink Floyd: The Wall, Space Ghost's Musical BBQ, Eugene Mirman: En Garde Society!, Tenacious D, and a spoken word CD with Henry Rollins reading entries of his journal from when he sang for Black Flag.
- Saw Big Lebowski for the 94th time with White Russian in hand. Good.
- I hate the fact that I love Superman Returns.
- Unless your name is Will Smith, musicians please stay out of movies and actors stay out of the music industry.
- Ladies: Owen Wilson is not attractive. I'm sorry. He has the ability to be funny at times, but you cannot convince me that a man with a nose like that can be a sex symbol.
- I wish there were new episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
- People I'd like to have dinner with, organized into a week of meals with groups of three for maximum level of unique conversation:
Monday (Lasanga)- Jesus Christ, Henry Rollins, Socrates
Tuesday (Gourmet Burritos)- Tom Hanks, Conan O'Brien, Bruce Lee
Wednesday (Pad Thai)- C.S. Lewis, Brian K. Vaughn, Julia Stiles
Thursday (Lobster)- Jon Stewart, Mahatma Ghandi, Frank Miller
Friday (Steak)- Richard Pryor, Martin Luther King Jr., John McCain
Saturday (BBQ Chicken)- Mother Teresa, Chuck Palahniuk, The Undertaker
Sunday (Breakfast Buffet for Dinner)- Akira Kurosawa, Lewis Black, Ayn Rand
Later.
June 16, 2006
Earthy Superheroes
Batman. Superman. Wonderwoman. Spiderman. Captain America. The Flaming Carrot. These are a few of many examples of the title of "superhero." Realistic heroes such as MLK, Gandhi, and Mother Teresa inspire others and renew the spirit of humanity. Superheroes, I would argue, are just as important.
I'm not trying to be glib nor deflate the impact of the real heroes mentioned and others, however the fictional heroes have inspired ages upon ages of people. Who you might ask? Think of the stories of Johnny Appleseed, Paul Bunyan, Odysseus, Hercules, and the Greek gods. Name one boy who didn't want to live up to the bravery and noble standard set by King Arthur. Or a girl who didn't admire Hester Prynne living above and better than those who dubbed her a whore. Why do people feel inspired by such heroes? Because they can relate to them, but also because we are in awe at the moments in which we stop and say "man, I wish I can/have the guts to do that."
When it comes to superheroes, that's when things could get hokey. The stereotypical superhero, especially in comics from the 1950's, had little problems outside of beating up bad guys. While kids love superheroes based upon their powers and the kids' fantasy to have such power, adults have a hard time relating to most superheroes.
Superman is a great example of this. Name a superpower, Superman has/had it. No one can truly stop him, they can only slow him down. He is a goody two-shoes with a good looking girlfriend and the only thing that can stop him is a green rock that is extremely scarce. Hell, he can even turn back time to stop or save someone if he fails. He has nothing to lose, nothing to risk, and very little personal drama outside of whether or not someone can identify him after he takes off his glasses.
Where is the stuggle? Where's the relatability? This is one of many examples of heroes that no one outside of kids can relate to. However, I wish to argue that there are a handful of heroes that an older crowd can admire and relate to. The best heroes that are written are the ones that are flawed, but try to do their best anyway. Here are some superheroes that I believe can inspire the kid and adult in all of us, along with being able to relate to in real life.
Batman: I'm probably biased since Batman has been my favorite hero since I was a kid, but as I grew into a man, I have a greater appreciation for the Dark Knight. In terms of inspiration, it might sound silly to be in awe of a man dressed like a rodent, however King Arthur had a magician to help him so I still feel validated. Batman embodies mankind's drive to be perfect. He has no powers. He trains. He trains his body. He trains his mind. He is always prepared. He always thinks before he acts. Reading some of his training and his methods, it makes a person think that there could feasibly be a Batman. He knows his limits, and beats them.
In terms of relatability, the very thing that drives Batman is regret and survivors' guilt. He always wish he could have done more to prevent his parents' death. He should have been braver. Should have been stronger. So he becomes these things he was not. Then he had a surrogate son die (the second Robin). He should have been faster. Should have been stronger. He tries again. This drive and this mission drives his loved ones away from him since Batman has to be more than a man. More than Bruce Wayne. How can we relate? Imagine your dream, your mission, your career. How much did you have to sacrifice to get it? How much pain did you go through? And then you realize that it still wasn't enough. Batman's mission is not vengeance, his mission is to keep his own sanity. In many cases, Batman is just as screwed up as the very people he fights against.
Green Arrow: Oliver Queen is an asshole. I don't mean a smartmouth, wiseguy. Let me tell you about Green Arrow. He fights crime and injustice. He stands up for the common man and humanity. He is one of more down to earth heroes in that he has no powers but his archery and ingenuity. He also constantly cheats on his longtime girlfriend no matter how many times he tries remain monogamous. He had an illegitimate child that grew up to become the second Green Arrow which he claims he knew nothing about (even though he was present at his birth). His sidekick became a heroin addict under his supervision. He is stubborn, inconsiderate, and always disappoints those closest to him. And no one knows that more than he does. Yet he tries to do the right thing anyway. He gets up and tries to do the best for the whole, despite his personal crap.
Think about the things that you do or have done, that you wish you could change about yourself. Ponder the habits that you wish to get rid of or the skeletons that you want to clean out of your closet. You say you will change. But you fail. Again. And again. How many of us try to forget our problems by throwing ourselves at our work or through charity. Not as atonement mind you, but as a distraction. That is Green Arrow in a nutshell. Trying his best to not better himself, for it seems to be futile, but at least make a difference for everyone else.
Spiderman: Watch the first movie. A young nerd is given powers. In normal superhero comics, he'd have the girl, money, and love of the public (I'm looking at you, Superman). Spiderman is the only hero that I can think of whose life is worse off with powers than without. Peter's uncle dies due to Peter's sin of inactivity. Spiderman is publicly labeled a menace and is hated by most people. He cannot balance his life as Spiderman and Peter Parker. His guardian is always in poor health. He is always in financial peril. His worst enemy is his best friend's father. And just when he finds a partner to share this burden though his wife, she is murdered. It seems like whenever Spiderman wins, he loses tenfold. I don't think I need to justify relatibility. Everyone loses. Everyone has moments of triumph closely followed by stress or failure.
Wonderwoman: While on the surface she seems to be the female carbon copy of Superman, I disagree. Why? Because she is a woman. She is as strong, as fast, and probably even smarter than Superman, but she is seen as the lesser. It's unfair. However, her character always rises above sexism. She is strong and knows the importance of peace and reason, the reason why she is an ambassador. However, she also has the presence and drive needed in war, which is what makes her a great soldier. She breaks the stereotype of both the tomboyish warrior woman along with the stereotypical delicate superheroine. She demands respect and deserves it. If she has any flaws, it would be her stubborness, however right or wrong she needs to be stubborn in order to be taken seriously at times due to patriarchal bias.
I think she is relatable because how many women are subjected to be compared to men, no matter how successful? How many women are actually equal and even superior to men in work, mind, and/or sport but aren't held as high in regard as men? She is also one of the few superheroines that doesn't flaunt her sexuality and rely on her body. She is also one of the smarter characters written. All of this and it does not compromise her feminity.
There are probably more superheroes that I could write about, however I believe I made my point. Superheroes, like it or not, are the modern mythology. I believe that 500 years from now, the Avengers and the Justice League will be spoken much like we talk about the Norse gods and the Gods of Olympus. One can be inspired by these modern myths like other heroes, if you look hard enough.
June 1, 2006
Comics for Non-comic Readers
Every Wednesday, my inner geek comes out. Wednesday is comic book day. My inner 12 year old rejoices. However, I (like many comic fans out there) believe that the graphic novel medium has been unfairly treated as sophomoric entertainment for small boys, unintelligent adults, or socially inept virgins. I love books. Entertaining stories, poetry, theology, criticism, philosophy, etc. I love 'em. I also love comics. Not just the sci-fi, superhero ones that get made into movies or long running television shows, but ones that are thought-provoking, entertaining, and well written. For those who aren't into the graphic novel medium, I wish to suggest a list of books that are very well written, have great character development, and keep you salivating.
Maus- Maus is considered one of the best graphic novel works today. Maus is artist and writer Art Spiegelman's tale about his conversations with his father who survived the Holocaust, told as mice. With Jews being represented as mice, Nazis as cats, the French as frogs, and many other animals allegorized, the book is reminiscent to George Orwell's classic, Animal Farm. While the bulk of the book is about Art's father's trials and survival, the book also explores Art's frustration at trying to understand and even love his father.
Y: The Last Man- Imagine a plague that killed 48% of the general population, that included 85% of all governmental representatives worldwide, 99% of the world's land owners, over 90% of the world's construction workers, commercial pilots, truck drivers, electricians, mechanics, and 495 members of the Fortune 500. What do all these people have in common? They have testicles. A mysterious plague has killed every living thing with a Y chromosome save for Yorick Brown, a young amateur escape artist, and his helper monkey. To ensure survival of the species, Yorick is paired with a secret agent only identified as 355 and Dr. Allison Mann, a top bioengineer in order to find out the cause of the plague. Why did Yorick survive? Is 355 really more than what she seems? What secret is Dr. Mann hiding? Can a matriarchy grow and overcome the ongoing anarchy? Is Yorick's maybe-fiancee alive in Australia? Can mankind survive? Great dialogue, great character development, and a story that when you think you have all the answers, changes the questions.
Ex Machina- Mayor Hundred is one of the most controversial mayors that New York has ever elected. As an independent, he constantly has to fend off and please both persons on the left and the right. If that is not enough, he has to deal with his past. Like Jesse Ventura and Arnold Swartzeneggar, Hundred was well known before running for office. He was the Great Machine, a man who can talk to machines, make them stop, go, turn on, turn off, jam, or overheat at will. Can the world's first (and probably last) superhero be taken seriously as a politician? Can Hundred escape his vigilante past? And exactly what caused his accident that made him able to mingle with machines? Great dialogue, intriguing stories, and underlying mystery makes this an interesting title. Think the West Wing meets X-Files.
Sin City- Frank Miller's noir tales from the underbelly of Basin City are the most gritty and grippy of the time. Other than the tales told in the movie, stories such as A Dame to Kill For and Hell and Back will stretch your mind with the dirty, jerky art and the tongue-in-cheek, vivid dialogue.
Fables- This one might be too fantasy for some, but I'll list it anyway. Imagine all the tales you have heard from Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Sal, or Walt Disney. Well, they all live in a hidden section of New York City. Driven away from their lands by the mysterious being known only as the Adversary, the Fables live amongst the mudane (or Mundys, as they like to call them) hoping to one day regain their lost land. In the meantime, Snow White is having a hell of a time trying to keep things in order as mayoral assistant of Fabletown, Bigby Wolf tries to maintain law and order as sheriff despite his past as a Grandma eater and Pig home destroyer, Prince Charming attempts to find a new woman while trying to avoid the wrath of his ex-wives Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, and Pinocchio tries to find a way to grow up from a "real boy" to a "real man" so he can get laid. A small fun story that grows and shifts. I've never read a series of books that has the minor characters grow and evolve into the new main characters while the main characters slowly move into minor roles.
Preacher- Jesse Custer was a drunk preacher with a terrible past to deal with. Then Genesis hit. Now this new idea made tangible has given Jesse the Word of God, which can make anyone do whatever Jesse tells them to do. Teamed up with his old girlfriend turned hitman and a hard drinking Irish vampire, Jesse goes on a quest to find God to make Him answer for His abandonment of mankind. Preacher makes a good, odd, graphically violent Western mixed with theology and skepticism. With a slow burning story, heavy violence, and provacative artwork, Preacher may not be for everyone, but I think it's definitely worth a look.
100 Bullets- You are down on your luck and in trouble. Then all of a sudden a man with a briefcase appears. He sits next to you and shows you a photo of the person responsible along with proof of the person's involvement in your misery. The man gives you a gun with 100 untraceable bullets. No court will convict you. If arrested, you'll be immediately freed. He says to do with the gun and bullets as you wish. He then leaves. What do you do? This is the premise of 100 Bullets. A simple series of stories turns into more than what it seems. Who are the Minutemen? What is Kroatoa? If you are into crime/drama with a little noir and conspiracy, this is a title you should pick up.
The Walking Dead- I don't care for zombie books, but this one is awesome. While it does have the whole zombie plague hitting the world, the characters in the book make it worth reading. The book focuses more on the small band of regular people led by a small town cop, trying to survive as a whole, create their own rules, keep their sanity, and live in a society with little food, water, and gas until the government does something...if there is a government left. Characters enter, characters leave, characters die, and characters change. Walking Dead is what Survivor would have been if the game had really mattered and if Lost kept up with good writing...with zombies.
I hope these might change your perspective on "funny books." Happy reading.
May 30, 2006
Summer Movies
I love summer. The warm weather. The cookouts. There is only one thing that will make me stay indoors for a chunk of time. New movies. I love summer movie season. While the Oscar-worthy, artsy flicks that I like to watch occur during the holiday season, summer flicks are the ones that are the most fun. Join me, as I look into some of the movies I plan on viewing this summer.
The Da Vinci Code- Saw it. Read the book. It'll save you over two hours of watching Tom Hanks and Ian McClellan desperately trying to shove good acting into a terribly written movie. And no, it won't change Catholicism as we know it.
X-men: The Last Stand- I saw it. It's pretty good, but it should have been better. Also, the way it ended and the disappointing response to it tells me that there will be an X4, but it'll be a long time before it'll be considered. Who do I blame for the disappointment? Two words. Fuckin' Superman.
Superman Returns- Yeah, I'm watching it, but it'll have to live up to the hype. First it stole one of the main actors from X3, thus making his role in that movie shorter than it should have been. Second, it stole the director of the first two X-men flicks. So I'm already prejudiced against it. Also, I'm pissed at the fact that this movie isn't a restart to the Superman franchise like Batman Begins was to the Batman franchise. This movie is telling us to forget Superman 3 and 4 from the original Christopher Reeve series and that this is the real sequel to Superman 2. First of all, while the Christopher Reeve series was classic, the last Supes movie was over 20 years ago!!!! So they have already alienated people that have never seen Supes 1 and 2. Also, I feel bad for Brandon Routh. Who? Exactly. The man is a virtual unknown, which is good since the Superman character could have been freshened up. However, I'm afraid that because this is the new Superman 3, Routh will be forced to play Christopher Reeve as Superman as opposed to playing Superman. Christopher Reeve is and was Superman, but it's time to move on. Batman Begins would have sucked if they asked Christian Bale to look and act like Michael Keaton as Batman. I'm just watching this flick due to the hype and because I think Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor is the best casting decision ever.
Cars- It's Pixar. They haven't made a bad movie yet. Why should that change?
Nacho Libre- Jack Black + Lucha Libre + director of Napoleon Dynamite = I can't possibly be disappointed.
Clerks 2- A sequel for a movie that's over 10 years old. Probably suck, but I'm a sheep who'll follow Kevin Smith into a mud pit filled with alligators that have knives for blood.
Snakes on a Plane- The only movie that is a cult classic before the official trailers have been released. The title explains it all. Samuel L. Jackson signed on to do the movie after seeing the title alone. Check this out. There is this plane right? And then, someone unleashes a crapload of snakes into it. That's the movie. This movie is also the first flick to actually add profanity and violence in post production! It'll be terrible, but it'll be fantas-terrible!
So enjoy the weather and if you need A/C, check out your local theater.
May 11, 2006
IT'S FICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Da Vinci Code. It's a book. It's now a movie. Settle down, people. To those that want to boycott it or think it is a threat to the Christian faith, allow me to ask a question. Why now?
The book has been out forever and while it has had some backlash it is nothing in comparison to now. Because it's a movie? I thought God was bigger than a film or a book. And guess what? Do you know what section of the bookstore The Da Vinci Code is in? FICTION! Not Theology. Not Philosophy. Not History. Not Spirituality. Not Art. FICTION!
Not only that, how many of you have read the book? Those of you who haven't, shut up and don't say a word unless you read it. For those of you who have, two things. One, a sect of the Catholic church being villains? The main bad guy is not associated with Catholics at all. The two Catholic characters should also be seen as individuals not representatives of their faith. Not only that, if the Catholics should be mad, they should be mad at Angels and Demons. What's Angels and Demons? It's Dan Brown's first book. That's right, The Da Vinci Code is a sequel (and like other sequels, it's not as good as the original)! Why should the Catholics be more mad at Angels and Demons? The villain becomes Pope in that one! But no, due to ignorance and reactionary thinking they go after the popular one.
My second point is this. Christ hooking up with Mary Magdelene and having a family is not an original idea. See in the sixties (or seventies) there was this book (no, not Da Vinci Code, but it was just as fictional) that toyed with the idea of Christ having a family with Double M. It rose eyebrows and was lambasted by many Christians. Later on in the eighties, the book was going to be made into a movie, backed by a great Hollywood director (no, not Ron Howard, it was Martin Scorcese). It also featured a fantastic Hollywood actor (no, not Tom Hanks, it was Willem Dafoe). Protesters thought it was the beginning of the end of the Christian faith. Thousands gathered to have the movie banned, when in fact the free buzz helped make the movie more money. And guess what? The film was released. It made money. It went to video. It was nominated for awards. And the Christian faith didn't die or even falter. The name of the movie was The Last Temptation of Christ. And it didn't hint at a relationship between M.M. and J.C. It had a sex scene.So keep that in mind. This stunt has been done before. Either ignore it or just see it and be done with it. It is fiction. It can't hurt you. It won't shatter your faith either. "What if people think what they say is true?" Well, that's their opinion and think that using that kind of logic means that they must believe that there is a Force in a galaxy far, far away, the Ark of the Covenant will melt their faces in a cartoony way if they look at it, and that the Matrix has them. There I said it. Now go see the movie. Or don't. Whether you do or not, life will go on.
March 13, 2006
T-Shirts
T-shirts. Love 'em. 90% of my wardrobe is dedicated to them. Whether they are black undershirts that can be worn underneath for comfort and proudly displayed when my sweatshirt is unleashed or a ringer tee with a balding man with a mustache that says "Freakin' Ladies Man," the t-shirt is my friend and is never out of fashion. However, there are multiple t-shirts that I wish to create for my own personal collection and use once I find a good distributor and have enough disposable income. Some of them include:
- A black t-shirt with white letters that says "It's okay, some of my best friends are white."
- A blue t-shirt with red lettering that says "You go, Blue Lobster!" (inside joke)
- A white t-shirt with a picture with a picture of Ernest Borgnine. No words are needed.
- A black t-shirt with my picture of a zombie-pirate-ninja on the back and on the front it says "No one can stop the Zombie-Pirate-Ninjas."
- A dark green t-shirt with black letters that says "Save me from pop culture."
- For Easter, I'd wear a t-shirt that says "Jesus is back! Hide the eggs!"
- If I do make it as a professional wrestler, I want my t-shirt to say "THIS IS AN ERIK BARNES T-SHIRT" on the back and on the front have a blank space that says "INSERT PHOTO OF ERIK BARNES."
- I want a red t-shirt with white letters that says "The best part of waking up is knowing Samoa Joe didn't kill you in your sleep." (Google Samoa Joe if you don't know who he is.)
- A black t-shirt with yellow letters that says, "So I ask myself, what would Batman do?"
- A t-shirt with an picture of an open book with calligraphy that says "READ DAMMIT!"
- A t-shirt with my tattoo design on the front.In meantime, I'll just wear the t-shirts that I've had since high school and continue to dream. Support the movement. Wear a t-shirt someday this week. Peace.
February 1, 2006
Things I Overhear that Annoy Me
I'm doing my best not to turn this blog into a "What Erik Hates" forum, but I do need to get some stuff off my chest anyway and I'll try to make it funny if I can in order for you, the reader, to keep reading. Here's some stuff that I overhear that rubs me the wrong way:
"God wants me to be rich."- Show me where in the Bible it says "Blessed are the rich" and I'll buy into your theory (and no, "Blessed are the rich in spirit" does not count). Joel Osteen and T.D. Jakes, I'm looking in your direction.
"I (insert action here) on accident"- You never do anything on accident, you do it by accident. It is not like you put something on the accident, it is through or by your action that it becomes an accident. Unless you have an item or there is a person you know named Accident (which would be a jerkhole thing for a parent to do), this is grammatically incorrect.
"He/She/It is not a real Christian."- What constitutes a real Christian outside of the basic beliefs? Where are the counterfeit Christians? Do they lack a watermark? Plus, saying that isn't a real Christian thing to say.
"It's not you, it's me."- B.S. line. There is something about me that doesn't set well with you. Maybe it's not something overt or visible, but you don't think we can make it. It might be you partially, but there is something that comes from me, whether it be a habit, appearance, or an outlook on life, that doesn't sit well with you. It's okay, tell me that you don't think it'll work, but don't use a B.S. line that George Costanza created.
"He literally (insert thing that the person did not literally do)"- If you tell me "I literally pissed my pants," I'll immediately ask if you washed your pants. "Literally" is the only word I can think of that if you misuse it, you are doing the exact opposite of what the word was intended for. Unless you are a complete moron and use "literally" as a twisted noun that you made up. "I'm typing on the literally."
"This(item) is being gay."- Really? That computer of yours like computers of its same gender? That Mortal Kombat video game that you can't beat looks longingly at fellow Mortal Kombat games? Is your toaster getting ready for the pride parade? No? Then stop it.
"Fuckin' Jews. Murderin' Jesus...etc."- Whoa, there buddy. Yeah, the Jews did kill Jesus...along with the Romans...and everyone else who was there and did nothing. By the way, since you hate all Jews, why does Jesus get special treatment? Whether his skin color was black, white, or purple, the guy was Jewish, too. Did he get a special membership card or something? "The Jews rule and control everything." Yeah, they just made up the Crusades, the Holocaust, and kept the conflict with Palestine to a boil just to throw us off. Show me a photo of the five Jew bankers that control the Earth with papers in their hands that say "How to Hypnotize the Masses through their Drinking Water" and I'll consider your theory.
"When you get married and have kids..."- You know, marriage is cool. Parenting is a noble, fantastic, worthwhile effort. However, why do people assume that I'm going to be married, much less having children? I got stuff I want to do and accomplish right now and who knows, maybe I'll never be married or have kids. Why is that automatically seen as a bad thing? I've been single for 23 years and I'm doing alright. Why is it that the majority of our society are afraid of lifelong single people? If something happens, that's great. If I die without a widow, that's great, too. That's just me. Apparently, just being me and not being "we" isn't good enough for some.
"I like eggs."- No, I like eggs! Find your own thing that you like!
"We need to win the war on Racism, Terrorism, Fanatacism, etc."- Going to war on an idea or an ideal is foolhardy. Why? Who are we fighting? Is Racism a physical being that we can destroy then all ill feelings will go away? Will there ever be a point in which all terrorists will be captured and we'll be like "Whew, got 'em all, everyone loves everyone again." Ideas can be weakened, but never destroyed. Nazism was thrown out of power and popularity in the 1940's, yet it still exists in Neo-Nazism. Granted Neo-Nazis aren't going to win many votes to get into power or ever get enough numbers to make a huge impact, but there are still scars that remain from that festering wound from years past. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for change, but at the same time don't think it's a battle that will end or be fully won. I'd love to see a fully cooperative society without hate or prejudice, but I don't think its possible through mankind due to the free will of mankind.
That's what bugs me. It doesn't anger me so much as I wish people would think. Take care and I'm going to write about some positive stuff next time.
January 10, 2006
Turning 23 (hey, that's sounds like a cool band name)
At 9:30pm on January 10 of 2006, I turned 23 years old. Now that I am considered an elder and one step closer to "mid-twenties single white male" demographic, I thought I would share some wisdom that I have picked up during my 23 year survival:
- No matter how terrible life is, it cannot be as bad as a feudal serf's.
- Dreams are only too big if you see them as such.
- If you don't fear death, you have achieved true life.
- Hating takes too much time and energy to be worth it.
- Love takes time and energy but is always worth it.
- Accept compliments and gifts without obligation.
- Whoever thinks "He who dies with the most toys wins" is sad and deserves pity.
- Respect was never earned through shouting or berating.
- Chicken + Pizza = Brilliant.
- Anyone who thinks "I can change him/her" is delusional.
- There should be a Hooray for Singlehood holiday to counteract Valentine's Day/Sweetest Day. Hooray for Singlehood would involve going out w/ single friends for guys/girl's night out and have nothing romantic about it. As for single guys, celebrate by leaving the toilet seat up, walk around your apartment in your boxers, don't shave, and call in sick to work to play video games and watch Die Hard all day. Ladies, don't shave your legs, invite your girlfriends over and drink daiquiris, and watch Xena Warrior Princess and/or Murphy Brown to celebrate the sucessful, strong single woman...also, call in sick and play video games all day.
- Pain is an obstacle, not a hindrance.
- Normally, when you shave a part of your body, the hair does not grow back thicker.
- The some of the best books/movies/television shows are the ones no watches or reads.
- Occasionally, stubborness is a good thing.
- In most cases, stubborness is not a good thing.
- Life is measured in quality not quantity (see D. Lowe).
- Disagreement and intolerance are different. This is one of those things in which sometimes stubborness is not a good thing.
- One man's piss is another man's nectar.
- Make today worth it.
That's it. I can't wait until I turn 50 when my observations have more weight.
January 2, 2006
My Take on Pro Wrestling a.k.a. Leave Me Alone, Dammit.
When I started this online blog or journal or whatever, I told myself I wouldn't talk about wrestling too much. Why? Because 95% of people who are probably reading this aren't fans, have no opinion, or just plain don't like it. I'm not saying you should. People's interests vary. However, since I was ten years old when I first started watching wrestling, whenever it was brought up that I watched it, I felt like I always had to defend it or justify it. Some people just won't let it go.
When someone mentions "I like the Sopranos," the majority of the time the reaction is "I like it," "I don't like it.," "I heard good/bad things about that," or "What's the Sopranos?" Then the conversation moves from there. Either they talk about it or they don't, without the Sopranos fan needing to defend his reasoning for liking it either to save face or prove himself intelligent. Sure he can give his reasons and points out why he likes it, but it isn't socially coerced.
When a person mentions "I like hockey, football, ballet, ice skating, etc.," the reaction is the same. Like it, don't, heard, or uninformed. The conversation either moves on to the next topic, continues, or has the fan explaining the rules to the interested uninitiated. Probably someone might say "Football sucks," but neither of them is seen as lesser in terms of opinion.
Now when wrestling is brought up in front of others, in my personal experience, the majority of the time there is negativity. I have yet to hear someone say to me "Huh...that's cool I guess," The question is always "Why?" Or, 90% of the time, "Why do you watch that crap?" Whenever I've mentioned that I watch The Simpsons, not one person asked "Why?" When I've said that I watch hockey no one says "Why?" The reason? They didn't care why or just accepted the fact that it appealed to me. People normally either found common ground or just moved on. There wasn't a bombardment of questions. I just like Simpsons and hockey. You do or don't or want to know more. That's it.
Why do you watch that crap?
I like the athletic exhibition, the cheesy comedy, and occasional drama.
Why do you watch it? Don't you know it's fake?
Don't you know that 24, The O.C., The Office, and all motion pictures without the word "documentary" in them are fake? I'm just following the trend.
Don't rednecks or people with low intelligence watch it?
Yeah, they do. So do the middle class and upper class and whoever it appeals to. Just like other television programs. Even rednecks watched Frasier.
Don't you know the fights are fixed?
Yeah, so are the ones in Rocky I through V, The Matrix, and Jackie Chan flicks. So are the games in The Longest Yard, Bull Durham, Major League, and (believe it or not) Space Jam. Just because you know Batman will win in the end, it doesn't ruin the whole movie.
It's not a real sport.
I never said it was. It's not supposed to be. However, fans themselves can judge how good a match is much like judges for ballet, ice skating, and gymnastics. It's an exhibition of athleticism, not a contest.
The acting is terrible.
Yeah, it can be at times. Just like in a lot of soap operas and every Keanu Reeves movie ever.
How am I supposed to take this (character/storyline) seriously?
There is something called imagination along with suspense of disbelief. Like other programs, wrestling hits at times and misses in others. It's hard for me to believe that there is this guy who masters a mysterious, invisible energy that can give special powers so he can defeat a masked-helmet wearing man with a weird name . Yet I enjoyed watching Luke Skywalker beat Darth Vader anyway.
Those guys aren't real athletes. They don't experience pain like real athletes.
A few aren't in great condition, but 90% are in better condition than NFL offensive linemen at the very least. However, I know that the guys that are on television every week are getting slammed on canvas covered wood at least 4 days a week, traveling around the country (sometimes the world if there is an international tour) for over 45 weeks a year with no off season. I'm not comparing who has it tougher when it comes to other sports, but it's hard pressed to not call them athletes.
Those are my answers. That's it. I'm done. I'm tired of always answering questions about wrestling as if it were something other than a television show or a theatrical production. I'm sick of defending my reasoning for liking it other than mere taste. If you want to talk to me about it further, I'm all for it. Just don't treat it separately from any other television show. If people want to grill me to make me feel inferior for watching it, quit wasting my time. There's no reason for me to talk about it to someone who isn't open to understanding it in the first place. Peace.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Yes, it's another 9/11 Remembrance Blog
Today marks the 5th Anniversary of the World Trade Center attack. I don't want to preach too much about it because too many people do that already, along with those that use 9/11 to push their own agenda. While we should also think about those that continually suffer and get bombed in other parts of the world, I request that those few that read this blog will put their own issues aside and pray/reflect on those who sacrificed time, effort, energy, and life to this situation. Please think about the men and women of the New York Police. Reflect about the FDNY that tried their best in the mother of all disasters. Pray for the volunteers of every race and economic class that stopped in the streets to help. Think of the families of those that died while upholding their code of protection or the families of those who were just going to work or riding on a plane. Think of the troops that we send each day to fight terror, as futile as it might appear. Please set anger aside for the moment to pray and pity those that believe that they are doing Allah's work, for they could not be more deluded or screwed if they tried. Please pray for the Muslims that are unjustly persecuted in this country for the few extremists that plague their faith. Although I disagree with most of his politics, pray for President George W. Bush, for the crown he wears hasn't been this heavy for quite some time and while we agree or disagree with his tactics, he is at least being and staying active in this tumultous time without becoming apathetic. Pray for the living, that they continue to strive, survive, and revive. I thank you for your time to pray.
Now time for something lighter. Here are some things I've learned the past couple of days:
- according to some, I'm going to be married to a woman named Cheryl.
I don't know why.
- the Brits make some good candy bars.
- I should have watched "24" years ago.
- I want all the albums by Clutch and Social Distortion.
- I want Dethklok to release an album.
- The Protector (literally) kicks ass...and breaks arms.
- I still want to watch "Munich"
- I need to read more than before.
- I need to write more than before.
- Even when you are a large, white, redhead from suburbia you can still audition to play a black, street thug that wants to keep his little sister out of his business.
- I can't watch football without other people around me.
- The world is too big not to explore.
- I miss being hugged.
- You have to dig to find good music.
Later.
Now time for something lighter. Here are some things I've learned the past couple of days:
- according to some, I'm going to be married to a woman named Cheryl.
I don't know why.
- the Brits make some good candy bars.
- I should have watched "24" years ago.
- I want all the albums by Clutch and Social Distortion.
- I want Dethklok to release an album.
- The Protector (literally) kicks ass...and breaks arms.
- I still want to watch "Munich"
- I need to read more than before.
- I need to write more than before.
- Even when you are a large, white, redhead from suburbia you can still audition to play a black, street thug that wants to keep his little sister out of his business.
- I can't watch football without other people around me.
- The world is too big not to explore.
- I miss being hugged.
- You have to dig to find good music.
Later.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
I Should Have Done This a Year Ago
So I'm bored right now and all I'm doing is looking at other people's blogs when I saw a this list from a bunch of Top 7 Lists from Tommy Stewart's blog from about a year ago:
Seven people who have to do this quiz now:
1) Danny
2) Andy
3) other Eric
4) Chelsea
5) Rachel
6) Jenny
7) Shannon
Now, I don't know if "other Eric" is referring to me or Eric Lawshe (who for some reason is sometimes called "Cubby"). In any case, I'm bored, so I'll do them anyway.
Seven things to do before I die (in no particular order)
1) Have a pro wrestling match in front of a crowd (size doesn't matter)
2) write a book
3) master a martial art
4) go to the seminary (maybe)
5) be in a comedy troupe
6) go to Japan
7) make a cartoon
Seven Things I Cannot Do
1) start my own political party (for we would ultimately be swallowed up by Democrats or Republicans).
2) be a vegetarian (like Jim Gaffigan, I think animals are fun to pet, but better to chew).
3) not watch cartoons.
4) understand Scientology...no, I get what you believe, but not why you believe it...dude, your religion was founded by an alleged pedophiliac sci-fi writer...Mr. Cruise, stop talking to me.
5) punch a baby. No matter how ugly it might be.
6) tolerate country music (unless you are Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash).
7) solve world hunger.
Seven Things That Attract Me to ______ (Since I am single, I'll list what I look for)
1) being in good shape.
2) being willing to tell me to go fuck myself if I deserve it.
3) a hugger, the girly man in me likes to be held.
4) great sense of humor, especially if she tolerates my bad jokes.
5) willing to put up with dorky guy stuff such as comics, cartoons, and wrestling.
6) loves God
7) I'm not gonna lie...T&A. It's not a priority by any stretch of the imagination, nor am I saying I want women scantily clad, but any man doesn't admit that physical attraction is an initial factor for dating, is either a liar or a eunuch.
Seven Books/Series I Love
1) The Bible
2) The Book of Five Rings
3) The Art of War
4) Fight Club
5) The Dark Knight Returns
6) Powers
7) The Watchmen
Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again
1) The Matrix (not the trilogy, the first one)
2) Fight Club
3) Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
4) Kill Bill Volume 1&2
5) The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
6) Office Space
7) Forrest Gump
Seven people who have to do this quiz now:
1) Danny
2) Andy
3) other Eric
4) Chelsea
5) Rachel
6) Jenny
7) Shannon
Now, I don't know if "other Eric" is referring to me or Eric Lawshe (who for some reason is sometimes called "Cubby"). In any case, I'm bored, so I'll do them anyway.
Seven things to do before I die (in no particular order)
1) Have a pro wrestling match in front of a crowd (size doesn't matter)
2) write a book
3) master a martial art
4) go to the seminary (maybe)
5) be in a comedy troupe
6) go to Japan
7) make a cartoon
Seven Things I Cannot Do
1) start my own political party (for we would ultimately be swallowed up by Democrats or Republicans).
2) be a vegetarian (like Jim Gaffigan, I think animals are fun to pet, but better to chew).
3) not watch cartoons.
4) understand Scientology...no, I get what you believe, but not why you believe it...dude, your religion was founded by an alleged pedophiliac sci-fi writer...Mr. Cruise, stop talking to me.
5) punch a baby. No matter how ugly it might be.
6) tolerate country music (unless you are Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash).
7) solve world hunger.
Seven Things That Attract Me to ______ (Since I am single, I'll list what I look for)
1) being in good shape.
2) being willing to tell me to go fuck myself if I deserve it.
3) a hugger, the girly man in me likes to be held.
4) great sense of humor, especially if she tolerates my bad jokes.
5) willing to put up with dorky guy stuff such as comics, cartoons, and wrestling.
6) loves God
7) I'm not gonna lie...T&A. It's not a priority by any stretch of the imagination, nor am I saying I want women scantily clad, but any man doesn't admit that physical attraction is an initial factor for dating, is either a liar or a eunuch.
Seven Books/Series I Love
1) The Bible
2) The Book of Five Rings
3) The Art of War
4) Fight Club
5) The Dark Knight Returns
6) Powers
7) The Watchmen
Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again
1) The Matrix (not the trilogy, the first one)
2) Fight Club
3) Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
4) Kill Bill Volume 1&2
5) The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
6) Office Space
7) Forrest Gump
My TV Names
Nothing too heavy, just fun filler. Here are my new names for television programs.
Real Name/My Name
24/ Jack Bauer's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day or Kiefer Sutherland Presents the Hourly Plot Twist!- Seriously, no one has a worse day than Jack Bauer...NO ONE. Every time I have a bad day, I can always say, "Well, at least I'm not Jack Bauer." I think that's why the show is so popular. It makes others feel good about their lives.
The Shield/Malicious Mackey and his Band of Brigands! or Crime Isn't Just for Criminals- Michael Chiklis is the man. It's a great show about cops...dirty cops! Seriously, there isn't another show on television that screams "How's he getting out of this one?" without it becoming comical.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia/Welcome Back, Seinfeld- The only show on television that makes Seinfeld comparisons without overtly coping Seinfeld.
The Office/Yes, Improv Can Be Funny on Television- The best network comedy on TV is also the most loosely written. It's refreshing to see a TV executive say "Hey, instead of focusing on funny lines being delivered by actors, let's let funny actors deliver lines."
The Amazing Screw-On Head/A Show So Good It Will Be Cancelled Within 3 Years Due to the Network "Not Getting It"- Check it out here:
http://www.scifi.com/amazingscrewonhead/
Arrested Development/Seriously, FOX, You Lost Your Best Sitcom in Years- I'm still pissed that this was cancelled. Cinema verite, no laugh track, and the best running gags involving Carl Weathers and FOX still cancelled it. Haven't you learn anything from Family Guy?
The Simpsons/Seriously, How is a Cartoon Almost as Old as Me? or The Little Prime Time Animated Show That Could...and Did- The Simpsons have been on for so long I have little memory of my life prior to the Simpsons airing. While it has gotten goofier than normal, it's still one of the funnier things on TV.
Family Guy/I Hope You Know Pop Culture- I love the show, but most of the humor won't be funny if you woke up from a coma that you've had since 1985.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart/Just as Fake as Real News- It's a funny program and informative, but it's frightening to think that most people get their real news from a comedy program.
NBC Nightly News or CNN or Fox News/The Propaganda Report- Just say what happened. No slant, no bias, no commentary. That's all I want. I'd like American News like BBC news: boring, not flashy, just informative. But what about ratings? Tough crap. I'm tired of looking at mindless teleprompter readers either trying to scare the crap out of me over controlled concerns or desperately trying to make me excited about a celebrity's birthday.
Grey's Anatomy/Sex in a Hospital...The Show- At work aren't doctors supposed to help the sick and wait for nookie for after they clock out?
Anything on Nick Jr./Babysitter for Wayward Parents- That's an uncalled-for slam since some of the programs help children learn and read, but it's still no substitute for parents teaching children.
American Idol/Syrupy Songs with Amateurs Hour- Despite my distain for A.I., I'm not suprised that more people vote for that show than in elections.
WWE RAW/Crappy Comedy, Cheesy Drama, and...Oh, Yeah Wrestling- C'mon, it's not too difficult to understand that people expect wrestling on a wrestling show.
SNL/Is It Funny Again?- Seriously, is it funny again?
Metalocalypse/Nathan Explosion's Heavy Comedy- Can Metal music be funny? Short answer is yes.
The O.C./Angsty Teens with Too Much Money- I know some people like it (like my sister, Rachel), but it's the same as 90210, but with even more money...and those teens in Beverly Hills were rich!
Boston Legal/Mr. Shatner's Courtroom- Bill Shatner in a court setting can't be anything but Shatastic (which is good).
According to Jim/What's According to Jim? or Seriously, What's According to Jim?- This show has been on for years and I keep wondering why.
Fear Factor/Eat Weird Things for Money!- Seriously, it might be gross but when did being disgusted get confused with being afraid?
That's it for today.
Real Name/My Name
24/ Jack Bauer's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day or Kiefer Sutherland Presents the Hourly Plot Twist!- Seriously, no one has a worse day than Jack Bauer...NO ONE. Every time I have a bad day, I can always say, "Well, at least I'm not Jack Bauer." I think that's why the show is so popular. It makes others feel good about their lives.
The Shield/Malicious Mackey and his Band of Brigands! or Crime Isn't Just for Criminals- Michael Chiklis is the man. It's a great show about cops...dirty cops! Seriously, there isn't another show on television that screams "How's he getting out of this one?" without it becoming comical.
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia/Welcome Back, Seinfeld- The only show on television that makes Seinfeld comparisons without overtly coping Seinfeld.
The Office/Yes, Improv Can Be Funny on Television- The best network comedy on TV is also the most loosely written. It's refreshing to see a TV executive say "Hey, instead of focusing on funny lines being delivered by actors, let's let funny actors deliver lines."
The Amazing Screw-On Head/A Show So Good It Will Be Cancelled Within 3 Years Due to the Network "Not Getting It"- Check it out here:
http://www.scifi.com/amazingscrewonhead/
Arrested Development/Seriously, FOX, You Lost Your Best Sitcom in Years- I'm still pissed that this was cancelled. Cinema verite, no laugh track, and the best running gags involving Carl Weathers and FOX still cancelled it. Haven't you learn anything from Family Guy?
The Simpsons/Seriously, How is a Cartoon Almost as Old as Me? or The Little Prime Time Animated Show That Could...and Did- The Simpsons have been on for so long I have little memory of my life prior to the Simpsons airing. While it has gotten goofier than normal, it's still one of the funnier things on TV.
Family Guy/I Hope You Know Pop Culture- I love the show, but most of the humor won't be funny if you woke up from a coma that you've had since 1985.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart/Just as Fake as Real News- It's a funny program and informative, but it's frightening to think that most people get their real news from a comedy program.
NBC Nightly News or CNN or Fox News/The Propaganda Report- Just say what happened. No slant, no bias, no commentary. That's all I want. I'd like American News like BBC news: boring, not flashy, just informative. But what about ratings? Tough crap. I'm tired of looking at mindless teleprompter readers either trying to scare the crap out of me over controlled concerns or desperately trying to make me excited about a celebrity's birthday.
Grey's Anatomy/Sex in a Hospital...The Show- At work aren't doctors supposed to help the sick and wait for nookie for after they clock out?
Anything on Nick Jr./Babysitter for Wayward Parents- That's an uncalled-for slam since some of the programs help children learn and read, but it's still no substitute for parents teaching children.
American Idol/Syrupy Songs with Amateurs Hour- Despite my distain for A.I., I'm not suprised that more people vote for that show than in elections.
WWE RAW/Crappy Comedy, Cheesy Drama, and...Oh, Yeah Wrestling- C'mon, it's not too difficult to understand that people expect wrestling on a wrestling show.
SNL/Is It Funny Again?- Seriously, is it funny again?
Metalocalypse/Nathan Explosion's Heavy Comedy- Can Metal music be funny? Short answer is yes.
The O.C./Angsty Teens with Too Much Money- I know some people like it (like my sister, Rachel), but it's the same as 90210, but with even more money...and those teens in Beverly Hills were rich!
Boston Legal/Mr. Shatner's Courtroom- Bill Shatner in a court setting can't be anything but Shatastic (which is good).
According to Jim/What's According to Jim? or Seriously, What's According to Jim?- This show has been on for years and I keep wondering why.
Fear Factor/Eat Weird Things for Money!- Seriously, it might be gross but when did being disgusted get confused with being afraid?
That's it for today.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Needless Explanation
The last post I made, in case you haven't noticed, is just something I wrote. It's not me or at least not me wholly. However, I thought it be therapeutic and pertinent to show it to you all because I don't think I'm alone in thinking that there are times in which we actually think this way if not act this way. If God were to abdanon us to leave us on our own, there is little doubt in my mind that the "kingdom" I described would be the lives of all persons on this planet. I didn't write and post my writing to be preachy, I did it for me. However, if what I wrote caused others to think or reflect, then I guess I did more than I bargained for. Less heavy stuff later.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
My Kingdom Came, Thy Will Be Mine
Welcome to my kingdom, ladies and gentlemen, a kingdom full of limits, malaise, and lowered expectations. My kingdom’s workload is easy and the burden is nonexistent. Do what thou wilt because your actions or thoughts mean nothing. If what you do hurts another, it matters not because you’ll be hurt by someone else’s action at some point. Feast upon the bountiful ignorance and empty calorie statements, guzzle down repugnancy and drink from the sea of apathy that surrounds my kingdom’s shores. Swim in indulgence and choke on pop culture. Rest in beds made of timidity and neglect.
The ladder of success in my kingdom is made of other people and your achievement is based upon who does your accounting, who you are wearing, and who you fuck. In my kingdom, your friend is your business partner until a better deal comes along. Under my rule, people shall be toys, so play with them, put them on the shelf when you are done, and if you break one you can always find another one to play with. Your significant other is only significant until you’re bored. In my kingdom, family is discussed as a biological, scientific term.
You are allowed sanctuary in my kingdom, provided that you realize that it’s my world and you just live in it. I live in my castle, with mortar made of insecurity and bricks made of malice. I am seated on my throne of bigotry and prejudice created out of those who I have wronged, disappointed, or crushed at my feet. I wear my crown encrusted with lies and jewels of envy. The weight of it should surely crush me if it weren’t for my sense of pride, my ego, and pure conceit holding my head aloft. At my table, I dine with talking heads, yes-men, and flatterers. Conversations at my table are one-sided and nothing is resolved or learned, but we still will feel better about ourselves.
So bow before me, declare your allegiance, and become a subject of my kingdom lest you are ruler of your own.
The ladder of success in my kingdom is made of other people and your achievement is based upon who does your accounting, who you are wearing, and who you fuck. In my kingdom, your friend is your business partner until a better deal comes along. Under my rule, people shall be toys, so play with them, put them on the shelf when you are done, and if you break one you can always find another one to play with. Your significant other is only significant until you’re bored. In my kingdom, family is discussed as a biological, scientific term.
You are allowed sanctuary in my kingdom, provided that you realize that it’s my world and you just live in it. I live in my castle, with mortar made of insecurity and bricks made of malice. I am seated on my throne of bigotry and prejudice created out of those who I have wronged, disappointed, or crushed at my feet. I wear my crown encrusted with lies and jewels of envy. The weight of it should surely crush me if it weren’t for my sense of pride, my ego, and pure conceit holding my head aloft. At my table, I dine with talking heads, yes-men, and flatterers. Conversations at my table are one-sided and nothing is resolved or learned, but we still will feel better about ourselves.
So bow before me, declare your allegiance, and become a subject of my kingdom lest you are ruler of your own.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Fundamental Truths/Deep Thought Queries
Quick Side note: If you want me to link your blogs onto mine, please send me your blog address/name so I can do so.
Back to the blog. I've done this before on my other blog, but it's time to refresh it. Here are the few fundamental truths I've learned in the course of my 23 years of existence:
- The Gamet (Tommy's band) is pretty good.
- "Gamet" (Gamut) should be spelled with a "u" not an "e."
- Frozen poptarts are a tasty treat.
- OK GO has the most entertaining music videos on television/YouTube.
- Naruto is a good anime, but a poor English dub.
- M. Night Shymalan needs to think outside the box and do something other than suspense. He's losing it. Maybe try a nutball comedy starring Will Ferrell. And NO PLOT TWISTS!
- Wrestling school is the most satisfying beating I'll ever take.
- Some people are jerks for the sake of being jerks, but that doesn't mean they are jerks all the time. Otherwise, how would they have friends that can be jerks along with them?
- Not many people can accept the fact that I am both single and happy. I'm tired of when it's revealed that I'm single and they react like it's a bad thing. "It's okay, you'll find her someday." Find her? Who says I'm looking?
- YouTube.com is a great time waster.
- I need to cut out some carbs if I want to be a successful wrestler.
- Fat Tabby's is one of many great ideas that will never be realized.
- There is only one good sitcom on television right now and it's called It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- God is much bigger, smarter, and better than anyone can even conceive.
- It's easy and dangerous to be a sheep.
- I miss my friends. Old ones, new ones, and ones that have faded away. I still miss you, D.Lowe.
- My parents have done more than I can return in kind.
- Too much TV is bad. Good television is hard to find, but it exists. Just pick the shows that make you think and decypher them along with being entertaining.
- Good books are hard to find, but they are easier to find than good television. Too much reading is good.
- Everyone you care about will hurt you.
- Depression is crippling.
- It's weird that I'm a happy man that is fueled by anger.
- If I were to grow extra appendages, it would be wings. Red dragon wings to fit my hair color.
- Peace in the Middle East will only happen on a permanant basis when God reveals His face and says "Hey! Knock it off! Don't make me come down there!"
- It's sickening what actions and choices are made over green slips of paper.
- It's sad that science takes a backseat to business.
Now some deep thought queries:
- Why is it that the song that makes me feel close to God is not one sung at church but by a Hasidic Jew that sings reggae?
- Why do I consistently chase dreams that most consider too big?
- Why can't I kill all the ignorance in my mind?
- Why do people tolerate having God being used as a political tool?
- When did intolerance get confused with disagreement?
- When did comedians make more sense than politicians? Should we be scared of that?
Later.
Back to the blog. I've done this before on my other blog, but it's time to refresh it. Here are the few fundamental truths I've learned in the course of my 23 years of existence:
- The Gamet (Tommy's band) is pretty good.
- "Gamet" (Gamut) should be spelled with a "u" not an "e."
- Frozen poptarts are a tasty treat.
- OK GO has the most entertaining music videos on television/YouTube.
- Naruto is a good anime, but a poor English dub.
- M. Night Shymalan needs to think outside the box and do something other than suspense. He's losing it. Maybe try a nutball comedy starring Will Ferrell. And NO PLOT TWISTS!
- Wrestling school is the most satisfying beating I'll ever take.
- Some people are jerks for the sake of being jerks, but that doesn't mean they are jerks all the time. Otherwise, how would they have friends that can be jerks along with them?
- Not many people can accept the fact that I am both single and happy. I'm tired of when it's revealed that I'm single and they react like it's a bad thing. "It's okay, you'll find her someday." Find her? Who says I'm looking?
- YouTube.com is a great time waster.
- I need to cut out some carbs if I want to be a successful wrestler.
- Fat Tabby's is one of many great ideas that will never be realized.
- There is only one good sitcom on television right now and it's called It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
- God is much bigger, smarter, and better than anyone can even conceive.
- It's easy and dangerous to be a sheep.
- I miss my friends. Old ones, new ones, and ones that have faded away. I still miss you, D.Lowe.
- My parents have done more than I can return in kind.
- Too much TV is bad. Good television is hard to find, but it exists. Just pick the shows that make you think and decypher them along with being entertaining.
- Good books are hard to find, but they are easier to find than good television. Too much reading is good.
- Everyone you care about will hurt you.
- Depression is crippling.
- It's weird that I'm a happy man that is fueled by anger.
- If I were to grow extra appendages, it would be wings. Red dragon wings to fit my hair color.
- Peace in the Middle East will only happen on a permanant basis when God reveals His face and says "Hey! Knock it off! Don't make me come down there!"
- It's sickening what actions and choices are made over green slips of paper.
- It's sad that science takes a backseat to business.
Now some deep thought queries:
- Why is it that the song that makes me feel close to God is not one sung at church but by a Hasidic Jew that sings reggae?
- Why do I consistently chase dreams that most consider too big?
- Why can't I kill all the ignorance in my mind?
- Why do people tolerate having God being used as a political tool?
- When did intolerance get confused with disagreement?
- When did comedians make more sense than politicians? Should we be scared of that?
Later.
Friday, July 21, 2006
New blog
Yeah. After many requests, here's my new blogspot. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to shower and go to work.
barnes
barnes
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